I will miss it all…..

By the time I get married I would have been engaged for almost 10 months, that’s like almost an year. So for the longest time ever I have been getting ready for the wedding. There is tonnes of shopping to do, dresses to get stitched, other stuff to look at, a job to go to each day, GMAT to study for give, Toefl to study for and give, Phd application to write, transcripts, recos, essays…..

So obviously more often than not I feel like I have too much on my plate managing everything. But I love it!!. I love the fact that on some days I am so tired that I cannot move a finger. I love the fact that my week ends are busier than week days! I love the fact that there is always so much to do!

Okay, it helps that when I leave home at 9 and come back at 9 Mum opens the door with the nicest, broadest smile that somehow makes all the exhaustion fly away. It really helps when I get up on Monday morning, even before I can open my eyes properly I somehow make my way to wherever Ma is and make her sit down and sit in her lap and pseudo sleep for some 10 minutes before she succeeds in pushing me away. It helps that Dad offers to drive and pick me up from office each day, just like he did when I was in school and in engg college. It helps that when I am really frustrated and uselessly pick up fights with Sid, he has the patience to make it all ok. It helps that I have some really great friends in office with whom I monkey around the whole day!!

I will miss all of this…..I will miss being the bride to be! I have been the bride-to-be for such a long time that it has almost grown on me! Where ever I go some one or the other teases me or pulls my leg about the wedding. Everyone has so many questions to ask. I used to get irritated- I have always been happy to be in the background and I hated it when all the attention was suddenly perpetually directed at me! But now I think when I am married and all this has quietened down, I shall miss it!!

I hate shopping. I just hate it now. Wedding shopping is vicious. It is wicked. I just does not end. It is like this mutant virus that refuses to be tamed. I hate it. The dislike is mutual. It hates me too. It hates me real bad now. It just does not end. Not even after months and months of it- it does not end.

I hate it but I know I will miss it when it ends. I will miss the wedding shopping. Damn it!

I will miss Ma’s constant threats about how like an ugly duckling I am bound to look at my wedding if I do not finish that particular half a glass of milk in the next five minutes!

I will miss the urgency that envelopes my home right now. There are so many things that need to be done, the so many details to be looked into. The so many little things one must not forget.

In fact once I am with Sid post the wedding there are so many things about Sid and me that I will miss. I will miss talking to him on the phone right before I sleep at night. I will miss staying up late just to speak to him after he finishes office. I will miss looking at the watch and immediately subconsciously deducting 4.5 hours from it. I will miss looking at the watch that says 12:30 and saying to myself, ‘ oh! Its just 8. I will miss waiting for his call. I will miss waiting for him to come to India. I will miss his voice on the phone. I will miss the 2 minute ISD ‘hi’ and’bye’ conversations. I will miss the hour long conversations.

I will miss doing all the nautanki I do with him that can only be done on phone. I will miss sending him good morning messages. I will miss sending him good night messages. I will miss making album of insignificant events in my life and mailing them to him. I will miss working with him on google spread sheets. I will miss sending him mails. Big ones. Small ones. Stupid ones. Angry ones. Mails that just say ‘I love you’.

I will miss this bitter sweet anxiety I feel constantly as the wedding date draws near. Life is about to change forever. And in a big way. And in a nice way. And in a happy way.

In the end I have just one little thing to say. I think if you can love someone with all your heart and more, you are more blessed than you think you are. :)

Good night,

Take care,

RP.

P.S. There is a letter from Sid to all you bloggers. He posted it as a comment on a post on him ½ days back. I am putting it here for all the regular bloggers here :)

Hiya All,

This is 'Sid' here... many thanks for all the kind words and these are much appreciated. Everything the missus has written in her post is true (ahem, ahem)... We are hopelessly in love and are about to tie the knot soon :D

More to follow.

Cheers,Sid.

Back!

Hi. So I gave GMAT today and was very relieved to see a 740 staring at me at the end of the exam.

I can now stop looking for dangling modifiers and subject verb agreement even while reading text messages and emails. :)

Okay so this post will be dedicated to my GMAT prep. It might not interest people with no interest in GMAT. Hence the warning :)

1. I decided around March that I need to give GMAT. Mid April I got my OG 11th edition for some 1100 bucks :
2. However, I was not studying properly. I mean, I was totally free and just did not want to do anything. Maybe that was coz I had just finished B school and no matter how much my mind told me to study, the heart would not listen

However during this time I did 0G11. I started with the diagnostc test and realised that (of all things!) my strength was Quant and the weakest link was Verbal. Though I must say, quant by and large was quite easy and English by most standards is difficult and needs a lot of work.

3. In this time I went to my Nani's place and gave GMAT prep there. I score 710 and 700 respectvely. That was fine I could have given GMAT then only, but something told me I could do better.

Then I decide to give my self a break and made a detailed study plan begining one week after work began.
I knew it was going to very hectic and it was foolish of me to waste the holidays but I also knew that when pushed for time, I am at my best.

4. I got my friend to get me books from Delh. I spent 2 whole days reading briefs from people who had cracked it and those who had not cracked it as well.
It gave a very good idea of what to do and what not to do. The idea behind reading briefs is to not follow blindly everything you read, but once you read a couple of briefs you will start seeing some common things. Those are things that have a high chance of working for you!Concentarte on them

5. I decided a few things

• First I decided to not do verbal from any source other than OG.
• I therefore did both OG 11 and OG 12. I did all the questions of verbal 3 times
• I also decided to not leave a single word in OG verbal unread.
• Therefore I spent a lot of time reading the explanations to SC, CR and RC questions.

With time, I started understanding the grammar bit and I knew why the correct answer was a correct answer which I now feel is most important.

Apart from this the only other non OG book I did for verbal was Kaplan 800 which supposedly takes your score from 700 to 750 :P

Well in my case maybe it did!!

6. For quant I did the last 50 questions of OG11,12 in PS and DS. I then hunted for tough GMAT maths problems and spent most of the time studying them.

7. Gave GMAT prep again. Score 740 and then 770 (!!!) and gave the test toady to finally score 740 :)

Thats all for today, am really tired now:)

Take care people.

RP

Quick Post

I am giving GMAT on the 24th of August, 2009. I need all the good wishes I can get. :)

Wish me luck.

Right now life is a little messy with office hours and GMAT prep. However I will be back to regular blogging once I am done with GMAT. There is just soooo much to tell you all

Love
RP

OP aka The Official Plan

So, now I have another target for myself. And like all those before this one, this too has to be shared with my fellow bloggers.

Phd.

And for Phd, GMAT has to be given. Now I feel that academics is the line for me, only thing is there is not enough money for me there. But I guess for once I shall let my heart do the thinking. I know that almost everyone who can is applying for a doctorate so competition this year is going to be very tough but well when have things been easy ?

So I have been working on and off for GMAT over the last 2 months. And these are the important points noted:
· According to the Powerprep S/W tests [ which are supposed to be the most accurate ones around] taken I should get a score of 700/800. This score is good, but LBS/Oxford/ Cambridge( I don’t remember which) says that although they would consider any score above 600 , anything above 700 would add a lot of weight . And boy I need as much weight as I can get !
· So, I need to up my score by 60-70 points. I know that is a harsh target, one that is difficult to achieve. However when were things easy?
· 760, if achieved would be phenomenal. Targets need to just that little bit phenomenal. And I am NOT going to be negative this time. I refuse to be that.

So, the next question is how do I do it?

· To start with, I have not practiced a single Data sufficiency question. Not a single one. So there is ample scope of learning there- some points that can be gained from DS
· I have not solved a single PS question (except the ones which I have done for the Power prep s/w)Again scope for points.
· Kaplan 800 might help. Even if it increases my score by 10 points
· Maintain a mistake log book

And the time table
With work beginning soon, how do I manage to fit in GMAT? This is how! Tadaaaa

· I am not starting at zero level. So that helps
· One hr of GMAT in the morning
· One hr after coming back from work
· Weekends are going to be off. So 4-5 hours each weekend.
· There are 5 sections in all. So one week for each section. Plus one week for practice/ anything else mebbe I feel like taking a break. So I will keep a one week buffer
· So a total of 6 weeks
· 18 hours in a week for 6 weeks=108 hours of GMAT work
· Officially will start from 2 week of work. So another one buffer week.

So that is the plan. Will try and update blog each day/ alternate day. Will bug you guys with GMAT now!!!
Muahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahaha
Over and Out.
End of OP

Gud night, sleep tight
RP

Zidd karo, aur usse poora karo!

So, finally work begins for me in a few days from now! It will be the first time I shall start working full time. But as luck would have it, I have had to start job hunt before joining my company, which we shall call X from now on.

There are times when I don’t want to look for a new job, I want to just sit back and relax and enjoy having a job that pays me well and allows me to do the kind of work I want to do. But that is not to happen and I know I am being silly in thinking so.

As some of the regulars here know, Sid works on a different continent and post the wedding I shall have to join him. Now the entire continent in question is facing the worst of the economic crisis! As fate would have it, it is there that I have to job hunt. That too with almost no work experience.

As I started panicking yesterday when a senior told me grand tales about what an opportunity of a life time X is, Mum had to once again don the cap of my shrink! :P

So, yesterday I cribbed and threw tantrums about why I have to keep fighting ALL the time, Mum told me to remember this-

Zidd karo aur usko poori karo!

I hope I do keep this in mind.

So, finally I am at peace with myself. I am writing this in hope that whenever next I feel weird about what a fight life continuously is I shall remember what mum had to sayJ

You know, today I was watching an episode of Celebrity Apprentice in which one guy feeling very sorry for himself very angrily asks Donald Trump,” Do you have to get up every morning and fight?!!”

“Yes, and I do that every single day, for the entire day and have been doing that my entire life. My entire life has been a fight. One big fight! ”, replied Mr. Trump

In that one sentence ( ok ok ok for the puritans, 2) Mr. Trump rose a couple of thousand feet in my eyes. Not that what I think of him changes anything for him..but who knows…may be one day it might!

Introductions : )

Bloggers, meet Sid
Sid, meet the Bloggers
: )

Every couple has a story. I wanted to share ours with you.

When our parents got us talking I was totally not ready for it. When I met him first, I just went there to find reasons I could cite in front of my Mum and Dad and ask them to not bug me about him. However, as luck /destiny would have it I simply could not find one good enough. One meeting is too less a time, I figured, and decided to give him more time :P

But somewhere along the way, I still do not know when or how, I started waiting for his calls which came at odd hours as we live on different continents , I started sneaking out of useless lectures to take his call; he had started becoming important.

I took a lot of time before I said anything simply because I take time to think and decide. I don’t know where he got that patience from. Apart from an occasional sentence, he never forced me to give him an answer. Finally in an overcrowded South Indian restaurant, where there was such a din that Sid could not hear me the first time I said it, I told him indirectly that I believed he was the guy for me.

We got engaged some time back. : )

Sid and I have or rather, had, little in common.

Sid and I come from different states, have never been in the same schools or colleges and are very different temperamentally

Sid spent his childhood and the years after in different parts of the country and the world. I have lived in precisely 2 cities. 23 years in one and the next 2 in another.

Sid has therefore studied in more schools than I have had the occasion to visit.

Sid is what we used call a ‘def kid’, a term we used to refer to those kids in schools whose parents were in the defence services. My exposure to them, before I met Sid, and the defence forces in general has been limited to one girl [ yess, just ONE girl].

Sid loves F1 and the ‘kumbhakaran’ reincarnate that he can be on weekends, he manages to wake up at odd hours to catch a race. For me, uhh..welll…F1 came into existence when I met Sid.

Sid, in his words, ‘runs before he walks’ and I walk an extra 10 miles even when I know fully well that I can run better than others.

I am the biggest maggu on the planet, Sid thankfully is not : )

Sid is my teen age crush, college crush, first love –all that rolled into one and more. Sometimes I wonder what makes Sid and me click despite of our many obvious differences. I think it is just that. The differences are superficial- underneath we are pretty much similar. Both of us are essentially easy going and hard working people.

I love him for so many things: the mole on his chin; the black, honest eyes; the confidence; the love he showers on me. But mostly because he is fast turning out to be my best friend. He has been with me through a lot of things in the little time that we have known each other and I can easily sense a good, strong friendship brewing.

I respect him for so many things. This is very important, I always knew I could not love a man if I could not respect him! In fact with Sid it is so bad that professionally I want to be the female version of Sid! He eh ehe

Sid and I live on different continents and ours has been a long distance relationship since day one. It makes it a little tough knowing that you wont see the other for another 60 odd days but we have learnt to deal with it. It has been beautiful so far inspite of the thousands of miles that generally and obstinately stand between us :)

You guys have been with me through thick and thin and I just could not let all this happen in my life without giving you guys and update on it : )

Love
RP

A moment of vanity

Allow me this moment of vanity. The 6th Trimester results were announced this afternoon and I am now the official Rank One for our campus:)

A job well done? Yeah I guess.

But so many people came forward and helped me. There were times when I had had enough of fighting for the medal, when I was down and out but somehow there was always someone [ different people at different times] who helped me get out of that rut. I just want to thank them. Maybe I will when I meet them for the convocation.

I remember the day when my first tri results were announced. Before that I was just this quiet girl who used to study too much. I actually used to feel so small in class. I just knew nothing! No fin, no marketing. Hell, not even Microsoft Power Point!

I remember how all of us crowded around the soft board when the results were put up outside G1. The multitude of people. I tried to get in but I just could not. Then someone told me my result.I heard 3.43. Decent, I thought. Nothing great but not too bad either. So, this is where I stand. Beech mein. Na boht achcha na both bura. Two minutes later some one congratulated me. I had heard my score wrong! I had a 3.73/4. I was 3rd in my section and 5th in the batch. I was soo taken aback as I accepted the unexpected but very welcome congratulations! And suddenly I became visible to a lot of people. People started coming to me with doubts and help in project work. And I became the quiet girl who apparently knew a lot.

2nd and 3rd trimester results came out together. It was a Sunday/ Saturday and I was amongst the few doing their summer internship in the city. So I was staying on campus. It was mid afternoon and I had not had had anything to eat since morning. So, I had decided that I would go out and eat.I was on my way out of the quiet hostel when I saw this guy put up the results. From 3rd in my Section I was now 1 st in my Section and 3rd in the batch. I was all alone in the hostel expect for a few other people whom I was not very friendly with. So I had no one to celebrate it with. I remember I went out alone that afternoon just to treat myself! 
But I had done badly in the 3rd trimester. As in I was so not happy with the 3rd tri results. I felt I could have done much better.

The 4th trimester results! Hmmm..that result was the turning point. I was in my room in the hostel and I was working on something when a friend sent me a ‘ congrats topper’ message. I remember I called him up franctically. Desparately.

I had successfully managed what could be called an academic coup of sorts. I was the clear Rank 1 with 3.81, 2nd highest was 3.4 I guess and the girl who had been rank 1 till now had 3.2
That I believe changed the whole thing in my favour. 4th trimester was the 1st tri where we had to take up electives and I had, thanks to sensible advice from friends, chosen them very wisely with a potential medal in mind. I had done badly in the 3rd trimester so I worked very hard in the 4th. I knew I had the kind of subjects I could deal with very easily. I worked so hard and ate so little and slept so little that by the time I went back home after the trimester was over that I fell horribly sick and was found to be very weak.
But as I lay at home, sick and tired , putting in all kinds of antibiotics and vitamins into my enervated body, I knew for a fact that I had done the tri to the best of my abilities.

Somewhere along the 5th tri, 4th tri results were changed and mine sky rocketed to 3.91/4 . I remained Rank One and the difference between me and rank 2 and 3 widened further!

I remember 5th trimester exams well. I knew I was very close to a medal and only stupidity could take it from me. So I worked doubly hard. I used to put in so much of effort to make my answer scripts look better than those of my competitors. I remember that feeling of finally going through, for one last time, my answer script right before submitting it. It was all so neat and tidy, there were so many diagrams- complicated ones , it just looked, to my eyes [ and pardon my geekiness here] like a piece of art!

I found the out my 5th tri results after I had come back home. One of my friends who was travelling in the train then got to know of my result and messaged me the same. I was rank 1 again with all As except in a viva which had gone of reasonlay well. I had scored 3.88 and again rank 2 and 3 were far behind.

Today I found out my overall score. I have 3.79 , there is a tie for the 2nd place at 3.59 and the 3rd rank goes to a girl with 3.57

We have another campus and the medals are given to combined toppers. The results for the other campus is not out yet. So I don’t know for sure right now whether I will even get a medal but I have this to say:
All throughout so many things happened and there were times when things took a dramatic turn but even things that were not supposed to favour me just, somehow, upped my score. I don’t know how and I will always wonder why.

I was going through a lot of nonsense particularly during the 4th trimester yet I continued to work hard and the results remained good.

A lot of people helped me. However insignificant being Rank One at a B School might be, but I know for a fact that I could not have done it without their help. So, thank you.

I often felt like someone up there had decided that this girl has to top. I still think that I know very little- it is true. There are absolute Gods in my batch.

It is an honour to be Rank One. But it is double the honour to be called Rank one of the batch that was the 2007-09 batch!

Ah..Well.....

The last report has been made and just one more ppt is left. With that , this whole thing would come to an end for me and 116 others who I lived with for the last 2 years.

I have learnt more in the last 2 years than in the other 22 put together. It was the first time I stepped out of home.

The first time I saw alcohol and drunk men was at the freshers party here. I still cannot go on to the dance floor with those 100 odd drunk men. :P

I made some ossum friends. For various or should I say, the same reason I have had to let go of a couple of them. I will always wonder. Always.

I studied like there was no tomorrow. And, boy, I sure am glad that I did!

I will always regret not going to France for that Student Exchange- even if by some quirk of fate I end up spending the rest of my life in France. I honestly think I should have gone. Really.

I feel extremely apprehensive about my future. That does not seem justified coming from me at this point in time when so many worthy people are without jobs and I have a good one in hand. Yet I cannot help but feel that way.

There have been some major changes in my life of late. I don’t know whether they have been for the good or bad. That I guess time alone will tell.

Just feeling a little weird....I doont know what it is...

Love

RP

O Jerusalem!

It has been ages…or maybe it is the first time that I like a book so much. It was a desparate need for something to read that made me pick up this copy of ‘ O jerusalem’ a couple of days back. As it turns out I am so totally fascinated by the Jews and Jerusalem that it seems that the book is consuming every bit of my thought process.

The following is now one of my favourite bits in the book. It is a speech given by a lady called Golda Meir, who later became Israel’s 4th Prime Minister (She is, I gather the original Iron Lady ). Ms Meir had gone to the US to get the American Jews to donate money liberally. The American Jews were by now getting very weary of the constant demand for money that the Jewish community engaged in the Civil War (Arab Israel war of 1948). Before she went to US, $5 mn was expected, she went to US with a target of $25mn and when she came she had with her $50mn. Enjoy it J

“When I tell you that I have not come to the United States solely to prevent 700 thousand Jews from being wiped off from the face of the earth. During these last years the Jewish people have lost 6 million of their kind and it would be presumptuous indeed of us to remind the Jews of the world that 700 hundred thousand of them are in danger. That is not the question. If, however, these 700 thousand Jews survive, then the Jews of the world will survive with them and their freedom will be assured for ever. But if they do not, then there is little doubt that for centuries there will be no Jewish people, there will be no Jewish nation, and all our hopes will be smashed.
A Jewish state shall exist in Palestine. We shall fight for its birth. That is natural.
We shall pay for it with our blood. That is normal.
The best amongst us will fall. That is certain.
But what is equally certain is that our morale will not falter no matter how numerous our invaders might be. Invaders would come with cannon and armor. Against those weapons sooner or later our courage will have no meaning, for we will have ceased to exist.
I have come to ask the Jews of America for 24-30 million dollars to buy the heavy arms they would need to face the invaders’ cannon.
My friends, we live in a very brief present. When I tell you we need this money immediately, it does not mean next month or in 2 months. It means right now.
It is not to you to decide whether we shall continue our struggle or not. We shall fight. The Jewish community of Palestine will never hang the white flag before the Mufti of Jerusalem. But you can decide one thing- whether the victory will ours or the Mufti’s.”

When she came back David Ben- Gurion the 1st PM of Israel and the leader of the struggle for a separate Jewish state, had this to say to her -
“The day when history is written, Golda, it will be recorded that it was thanks to a Jewish woman that the Jewish state was born.”

Love
RP

P.S. I really want to visit Jerusalem now!

It was one of those days when very little of what happened made any sense. But the important thing is to take everything in your stride and move on…so that’s how it shall be.
Anyways, now coming to something which should be and is more important! I got placed! J
Things are very bad this year and most of my batch mates [ some of them I believe are much more deserving than I am, still unplaced].I got placed on the 9th of January this year, in the one company I had been chanting the name of for the past few weeks. It’s a good company,they pay well and the work hopefully will be good.
The purple shirt lived upto its name. And the newly styled hair definitely helped :P
More than anything else, I am very relieved. Very very relieved. If I had to go through today with all that tension of being jobless as well I dunno how I would have reacted.
Maybe I will come back later to give you guys a more detailed account of all that happened.Infact I think I will.See you later. Be good and Be strong.
Love
RP.

The previous links:
1.My first job interview
http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_archive.html
2. The second one
http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/search?q=adobe

Some of my earliest memories

 

This other day I don’t why but I started thinking real hard trying to figure out my earliest memory. I spent considerable time on it and was completely lost thinking about it….I thought I will share them with you.

 

1.      Wearing a white frock with pink polka dots on it and dancing in the rain in this huge verandah at home as Dad clicked pictures of me. [I used to dance  a lot when I was younger, had almost completely stopped till some time back. However, I am planning to start again]

2.      Swinging on the white gate which led to our drive way, counting the cars that whizzed by, waiting for Dad to come back from his clinic.

3.      Dark and windy. It was very late in the night. Dad was not home yet. Mum was horribly scared. I had climbed the aforementioned gate and I remember wishing so bad that the next car would be Dad’s as I strained to hear the horn which I could and still can hear from atleast .75 of a kilometer.. [ you must remember these were ancient days where no mobile phones existed ] Nothing happened, it was just that there were too many patients that day and the phone was not working but I have never forgotten that night. This memory remains like a picture in my mind

4.      This girl called Geeta used to help Mum take care of me and Bhai. She was one of my first friends and we were ossum pals. She used to pick out the peas from rice for me so that I could eat the rice in peace

5.      The red lehenga I wore in Upper Prep for  my birthday. The first and the last time I wore oneJ

6.      My Mum used to put my brother and me to bed and to pre-empt any ladai, she used to sleep in between us. I remember this particular night like it were yesterday. My brother had this habit of telling a beeeeg long war story to some imaginary people who were very interested in it. So, there I was, trying to sleep , after as hard a day as any class one girl can have, while bhai continued with his story with all the sound effects. I remember complaining to mum.

7.      Mum’s silly bed time stories which always had a big monkey/elephant/giant who used to make life hell for these innocent villagers who then would come to either my brother or me for help and since we were super heroes of some order , we would in a matter of seconds after displaying not only great skill but also remarkable intelligence, annihilate the very existence of the monkey. Elephant/ giant.

8.      The big huge cradle which was as big as a double sized bed which was used by my cousin, me and finally my brother.

9.      Breaking into tears on seeing Mum cry. Ofcourse now I am not such a baby! Huh! Now I need to just see her look upset to start crying.*tries to look embarrassed*

10.  My parents think that we [ bhai and I] often used to fall asleep in the car.I don’t think I have ever fallen asleep in any car. I just pretended to be asleep as  I loved being carried back to my room in Dad’s arms as he tried all that he could to make sure that I did not ‘wake’ up.

11.  It used to be my favorite part of any Sunday. I used to get up late [around 8] and the whole room would be spotlessly clean and my Mum would be pottering around , looking so pretty in a saree with that red bindi on her forehead.

12.  Sitting in the garden with my Dad , about to leave for school. My Dad used to point out all the different flowers to me as I ate my breakfast

13.  “What do you think of all the time’, I had once asked my brother when I guess I was in class One or maybe younger

And now I think I can go on and on…..as they say , you never know when you are making a memory!

 

So that I remember....

Often under similar circumstances have I blogged.Often I have chosen not to and always have I regretted...
I dunno, maybe it was a lucky chance....but still it happened.Amidst all the nonsense that I was going through something nice was being planned for me.... Given all my modesty, in head I was on cloud nine! :)

Bleh!

It is one of those mornings when all seems wrong. It’s not like I haven’t had a morning like this in ages but its just that today I hope to write it off.

I am just so restless about so many things, there are things that don’t seem correct, I don’t know how to go about them, there is uncertainty all around…I suddenly don’t know if there is anyone I can talk about this to.

Generally I feel like talking it out with my Mum but Nani is not doing well and I dont want to make things worse for her.She can do with out my nonsense for some time .

There is just too much going on in my tiny li’l head, I guess.

Hopefully you guys are having a better time
Have a nice day,
RP.

Hey,
So, I am now well into the 5th Trimester. I came to Delhi on the 31st of June 2007 – it has been almost one and a half years ….it seems like eternity..almost as if I was always here, like this….A few random points that came to my head today

• There have been very high highs and very low lows in this time, the important thing is that I lived through it all ..hehe
• Today we had some industry hot shots and since it was a fin company I felt totally disconnected and disinterested. It was then that the fake-ness of it all hit me hard.
  o We were all in formals trying to look interested while playing with our cells/ ipods
  o Fake questions were asked
  o Fake answers given
  o Fake accents used
  o Fake smiles, fake interest, fake conversation
• I have not worked honestly on a competition in a long time, I think it is time I changed that. Amen.
• It is important to feel happy for others - very ,very, very important
• I am reading this book called the ‘The Last Moughal ’ and after a long time I find myself so captivated by what the author wants to tell me.
• Some times I have images in my head which I have never seen- I have imagined them while reading descriptions given in books. And Boy! Do they stay!! It takes me time to figure out that they are imagined and that I have not actually seen them! Parks, Beth, Mr. Darcy, Scarlett O’ Hara, the first world war, the tiger in the boat, Robert Langdon, Indira Gandhi with her Mum as she slowly died due to TB in Switzerland ,Benazir Bhutto while her Dad was being taken away from her, random woman in an Iranian Jail listening to the cries of a fellow inmate being tortured in the next room , a Muslim woman being hugged by the daughter of a her husband’s new wife-both of whom she has started to like , a scar that runs down the right side of her face , the blind Black man who walks with the dog, the island the kids run away to and try to survive on, Harry Potter, Fatty and Mr Goon, Geisha, Ms Havisham and the stair case, David ,Paul M Emanuel and his expressions and how much I hated him in the beginning and how badly I fell in love with him :P ,Lucy in the attic, the quilt, the road in Japan in 1940s, Lance Armstrong in the hospital bed and the nurse who was like an angel
  
  The list does not stop J
  And I am glad it does not.
  
  Love
  RP
  
  PS: to those who worry about my absence, the few readers who as my counter tells me frequent my place with a regularity that definitely is neither earned nor deserved, do not worry. No News, as they sometimes say, is good news. Take care and sleep tight:)

So, the tri has dragged on to 12 weeks now.I am in the last week of the 4th trimester now.This will be followed by one week of exam, another week of port visit , one more week of home and the second last trimester here would begin.
I hated this place when I first came here and today I hate the thought that I would be leaving this place in another 6 months time.It scares me real bad.It is funny how I hated it so much and how much I love it right now.
Anyways, todays has been a lazy day, I have been feeling very lazy of late and am a little unwell too.I just had one class.An extended type of economics is dealt with in the class. The proff!! I so totally think I am in love with him and his way of teaching!!! He is ossum!!!The way he starst of with micro, puts in a little bit of macro and ends with developmental….aaaahhhhh…nothing like it. I swear I do not even miss half a sentence of what he says in class, I am so impressed with what he teaches!
Apart from this, I know things have been weird of late, I just want some strength..I need it so bad….I want someone out there to support me a little bit coz I am very tired of taking it all in…..I want to breathe easy…breathe easy once more….
Love to all
RP

Hi,
Yesterday I was visting my own blog after a long time and I started sifting through the previous posts…..its really funny you know when you have been blogging for so long – I can see a younger me in the earlier posts…I used to blog regularly then, so there is a lot about me there which I myself had forgotten.

Today is one of those rare occassioins when my B school has given me a holiday.I am now so used to working 7 days a week that a holiday seems odd and out of place though always welcome obviously!

Yesterday I had an important viva.It dealt with the summer project I had done for my summers some time back.Of late I had been avoiding giving presentations… I just felt that there are better presenters in our core project group.So the final compliment from the panel was a welcome surprise.

The reason why I mention this is because I have to stop undermining my own abilities.But then my mind becomes a slish-slosh of everything. I don’t know how useful it would be…I don’t know..there is so much running through my head.

Apart from this to day next month this time (its 8:53 am) I would be home! I have been missing home a lot these days.I am tired of taking care of myself, I just want good rest, a relaxed atmosphere, a nice clean loo, I want to decide which tube light is to be kept on and which off, I want nice food, I want to watch TV , I want to be driven around in a car and not in a rickety auto.These days I have been feeling very exhausted with all this….I just want to go back home and curl on the bed and sleep for 2 days straight!

One month seems like a lot of time.Particularly after L (remember her? My frnd back home) thought I was coming home on the 29th of August and not 29th of September.
I want time to hurry up- but for once I know that as time passes by the day I will have to leave all this will also come closer.I don’t know what to wish for. I have had some bad times here of late- God knows I have had.But there has been a lot of good behind that bad.There have been times when I have felt very lonely but those moments have been few and numbered. I had often thought that I would never make friends at B school but I have been proven wrong and I am so glad about that.

I like the easy camraderie I share with my roomie.How easily I can read all her expressions and how easliy she can inspite of being who she is [:P] read mine. There are things about her which obviously I cannot understand even after staying with her for over an year but t the same time it is funny how fond I have become of her.[tw]

There are other people on campus, though few in number whose friendship I really value.Anyways that would make a post in itself.I will come up with one if I feel I can or if I feel the need for it..:)
So today is a lazy day..actually not really-I have a lot of work to wrap up today and I think I should get going ….
Lots of love
And work hard.
RP

Hi,

After a very bad 5-6 months I have started feeling better again…It was like this huge wave –I knew it was coming, it came with full force and left me broken in a million pieces .
However, now things are looking good.I know somethings can happen and others cannot…you win some, you loose some.Thats the way it is.
Anywyas, lets leave that aside.The days are filled bup to the brim here and though I crib like anything I know that I love it this way.I love to slog I love to do decent work.It gives me a high of some sorts.
Also this trimester was bad with resoect to competitions.I just got one short list! No wins.Last trimester it was like I had the midas touch-anything I touched truned to a nice cheque.hehe..anyways I realised suddenly how difficult it is to win these stupid Business school competitions!
Apart from that , my end term exams are round the corner.I want to give them my best shot and I have been working accordingly for it.Or so I think. I knw Rank one is far away but atleast that stupid bronze medal should stay, right?
At the end of the day I can, I guess only work rest all is upto the cosmos….but I want to do my bit honestly and sincerely….
Lots of love
RP.

Shit!!
Oh no!
I really cannot believe that this has happened!
Yesterday was my blog’s third birthday and I completely forgot! :P

Okay, so my blog turns three.

Three long years.195 posts.

*sounds of trumpets and general rejoicing in blogedom*

I started blogging when I was in 2nd year of engineering so it has seen me through my two placements in college, the b skool entrance exams, first year of bskul and now my summers..it sure has been a long journey and I hope it continues:)

On the downside I know I no longer blog with the same regularity and the same passion with which I used blog when I was back home.People from bskuls will understand.
There is just so much happening at every point in time that I do not get the time/energy to do this bit…

But, at the same time my blog is always at the back of my mind.

So, Thank you friends [the few of you who remain ] ,thank you for taking out the time to read through the now very irregular posts :)

And yeah! Before I forget again.

Happy birthday , Blog!
Love,
RP

Random thoughts---Again
:)

*It is raining.

*It is comfortably cold.

*I called in sick at office today:)
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*My cousin got 94% in her Board exams and with that my record of getting the highest marks in the family comes to an end.The interesting thing is that my record lasted a good 8 years. *superior look*

*My latest obsession is trivia quizzing.I have started spending hours on quizzing sites, wiki et al. You will be surprised at how many interesting people and stories are around us.:)

* I have realised that I hate working, at a corporate office in formals and all, talking in hushed whispers – I just hate it.I do not like it at all.But may be I will in some time.I hope so, anyways.

*Today I googled and read about Arushi Sharma, since both my Mum and my Grand Dad were tellling me about her.Apart from everything else what struck me the most was that I used to look so different when I was 14. So much simpler.I am not saying that either is good or either is bad but it is just a casual observation.

*I watched Narnia day before yesterday.And I simply looovvvedddddd it! It is so ossumm.I wish things like that really happened. I am also very amazed at how much fantasy fiction attracts me to itself.

*I almost bought The Chronicles of Narnia myself yesterday.Only thing is it was too expensive and I did not have tat much of money.

*I would like to make a movie some day.

*May be I will buy myself a cam corder with the money I get for the internship.

*But actually I know I will not :

Happy rains
RP

The verdict

So, one year is done and over with.And the final verdict??

I love this place.

Totally. I don’t know if something real bad will happen next year and make me hate b skul but as of now..i love it every bit.
Last night I went for my now daily walk around campus and I was surprised at the memories that flooded me!!
The stairs where we were ragged, the hexagonal benches where again we were ragged, the academic building to which we rush to madly every morning during the trimester, the lane behind the hostel where I have taken umpteen number of walks with friends, the bench where I sat down and cheered the ’cricket’ match [infact just came back from cheering for another very happening match :P ]..hehe..The little garden like thing in front of the warden's house, the warm brown light at his door,the big huge trees and their beuatiful flowers which are a riot of colours in winter, the dhabas outside…the hostpitals nearby and the cremration grounds in front :P

So and so forth…. so many memories and all of them pleasant

I like the feeling of independence I get here. I like hanging out with friends..hell I even like the madness of classes and quizes which I invariably do badly in.
And btw, I love my class.I love us[err..:P ] because we are really cool.We are not as diligent as the other sectionbut neither are we as sderious or as mundane or as quiet , we fight like anything in class,the proffs , I have reasons to believe are scared of us..we can go crazy at times.I am glad I am in this section than the other.
The last trimester was very hectic.We did not even get a single Sunday off.We worked each day and on top of that I worked for competitions as well.So, yeah it was very very very hectic and now –with the summers going on, things are much more relaxed.

I like staying in the hostel even though there are very few people here.It is quiet.But lovely nevertheless.I love those walks I take in the night.
I am glad to be here now:)
Finally I think I have started thinking of this place as a home away from home:)
Love
RP

It is just sad I guess.

I dont even think I have an option.There is only one way and I know what it is. But I also know that all i need is time.Time works wonders. I believe in that..and I need more work.I think I will start studying..whatever where ever..just start working to keep myself sane.

I am in a quiet room in the basement of my hostel. With today being Day Zero of placements for the senior batch, this common room which is generally used for gruop meets etc breathes silence.

Today has been exceptionally quiet as I was in my room for the better part fo the day, working on a white paper which has to be submitted 5th midnight.

I have realised that I like working on White Papers a lot, I am not as hopeless with them as I had believed myself to be!

Life here has changed me in many ways. Somtimes I wonder how my life would have been had I not gotten through Bschool.
Maybe I would be married by now.
Maybe!
sheesh!

Anyways...

The city...slowly but steadily it seems to be growing on me. I like its broad roads, lined with trees on either sides...auto rides have become quite a hit with me now!!

phew! need to cut short the post..got more work for the paper :

BUy Buy

Daughter of the East!

I had bought my copy of 'Daughter of the East' many many years back.[ shit, am old enough to say things like now ::: ].However ,the hard bound thick book somehow always put me off.I always wanted to read it..but it sadly always was the book I was planning to read after my current read.

It was her assasination that made me quickly finish the book I was reading then and start with her autobiography.
Today while travelling for close to 10 hours in the traina nd then in the auto, I spent a lot of time with Ms Bhutto, and I cannot even begin to put in words how terribly impressed I am!!

She was an amazing woman, it is not easy to bear all that she has borne! and with so much dignity!
Without giving anything away, for the first time on this blog, I am actually going to ask all those of you even slightly interested in history and its many shades, to go and pick up a copy of the 'Daughter of the East!'

Am back in Bskul after a good few days at home. I am already not liking it :(

Buy buy and take care! My hands are so cold!! brrrrr

and oh yes, btw, Have a great 2008 !:)

Welcome back all ye lovers of the blog!

So, I write.
*Thunderous applause everywhere in blogdom*

*takes a bow acknowledging the thunderous mirrior shattering applause *

Finally I do. After many concerned emails/scraps from some of you I finally write.
First and foremost I am alive.
And the second equally important thing is that the second trimester is now over.I have had a multitude of experiences in the past 3 months, some of which in their own quiet way have changed bits of me forever.

1. I still cry when too tense.Somethings never change , I guess.

1.5I am still crazy about pink.Somethings never change , I guess. :P

2.I have started depending too heavily on people. May be I should change that.

3.Am not going to France. Dunt even ask why, it is sucha long story that I will go crazy telling it here!!!

5. Sometimes it is simply blissful to just look at people.Some people that is.:)

6.Some people make you luk at things from a totally different perspective. It so different that it shocks you in a nice way.I am glad to have met some people of that kind there.

7.Mum needs to get used to me coming back from college.Only then will she stop burtsing into tears on seeing me.
This time around when she saw me climb down from the coach , her eyes flooded with tears. and it was while she was wiping off tears of [hopefully] joy that she informed me that she thought I had put on oddles of weight [ which I have not, btw ! huh! ] and that my dress sense was horrible and that hopefully I do not go to college dressed the same way.
:

too tired , too worked up .no creative juices flowing.
Just wanted t let u guys know that I have not forgotten u all!

:P
rock on!

At times things here do not make a lot of sense..
It gets bugging to talk to everyone...just needa few minutes to myslef which also I cannot get simply coz ppl are too fake to not pretend to bother..
blah man!
waiting eagerly to go home...
Freaked out mann..just need to be alone for a few minutes and not give explanataions to a hundred and ten people about why I am not my chirpy self.
blah!!
BLAAHHH!

Aaah..am back in my city, one trimester over! One whole trimester over. Here are some of the highlights:

1. There was a point in time when I was so bugged up with life in a b skul, in particular my own that amidst another of those calls to when I cry and mum talks, to calm me, Mum promised to buy me the tickets back home. The deal was that I was to stay in the b skul till Saturday [that day was a Monday] and if even then I wanted to leave, the tickets would be ready.

2. Lets just say I stayed. J

3. Before coming to b skul, I used to sleep for 8 hours a day, after coming here I have managed on 8 hours in 4 days. And I survived!

4. There is this guy I study with, we actually study in a big group but since I stay away from most other guys and spend a lot of time with this one, people like pulling my leg about him and his about me!
So, much so that even I have started pulling his leg about me!!
Hehehe
It is sucha big joke between the two of us! It is my duty and job for the next year and a half to find a nice girl for him.Which hopefully I will.

5. I am very sensitive to the smell of a smoke! Some of the guys are catully scared of coming near me when they have just had a smoke!

6.I was in a pink saree during the second party we had here, it was the reverse freshers and I was supposed to put teeka on the forehead of the seniors.My roomie , however had to do coyote ugly, she was be at the bar.
Ek roomie ne teeka lagaya, doosari ne daaru pilayi
Said another roomie, very philosophically!

7.Finance. I hated it, only 3 days ago I have started liking it…my new found obsession with finance!
Imagine! I think I am in love with finance now .:

8. I think I have done miserably in the term. I studied quite hard and was very consistent and diligent and all of that, but still somehow I managed to screw it all for myself.

9. I did the maths end term so beautifully that I impressed myself no end. I sat cross legged during the exam, got myself a bottle of chilled water and solved one sum after the other, sipping water in between as if it were some great drink.
It was the first time in my life that I did a maths paper so confidently! However, the course, sadly is a non credit one!

10.I am truly and honestly in love with Ecomonics and am really looking forward to the eco course next trimester! I hope we get a good proff!
11.I am 3/4th myself, ¼ of me is the lappy!

12. Last but not the least , lots of good things have happened at B skul to me. Really! I have met ossum people, made some great friends, studied under some of the best proffs I have ever studied with, been busy and have loved it , have slogged and have loved it again.

One of the latest things to have happened is a place 3 hours from Paris. I will be spening one whole trimester in France come this January.
Enough said.
:)

So, tomm I have a Marketing End term and here I am, at 2:30 in the morning, putting up a blog post.

I surprsingly often end up hanging out with the Tamil gang. So, these people have a lot of fun at my expense when I attempt to speak in Tamil.
My Tamil is reasonably fluent now. I can speak 3 senetences. I am not really sure which one means what ..*ahem* but I am reasonably confident of my skills. So today while I was giving final touches to my CV I must confess I did contemplate putting down Tamil as a language I knew at the elementary level .

Huh!

Anyways, so today amidst copying Rajni kant and them almost luaghing their heads off over dialoges I could not make head or tail of, one of my friends taught me this:

waikai orvattum,[ I kept saying, waikai orkuttam :P ]
innnniki jaykravan, naliki tonam
inniki tonakram, nilliki jaipan!

It means that life is a circle, if someone is loosing out today, he will win tomm and if he is winning today he might loose out tomm.

For someone like me, going through what I am right now, these words provided great comfort.

So I htought it must be some grave profound Tamil shloka or something, and I asked that question. The entire Tam Gang burst out laughing again.
Apparently it was some famous tamil movie dialog!
:
:

Huh!

Another thing is that I need to start behaving more sensibly now, the only problem is that I dont want to...
*sigh*
*double sigh*
*triple sigh*
Sensible I shall be...yes, I will be :)

And on that resolute note, it is a buy buy and gunite from my side!
Ta!
-RP.

P.S Bhai coming to Bskul on his way home on the 7th.Yipeeeee!!! I have honestly never waited so much for him! Each and everyone of my friends knows about him coming now!!

Raat koh chaar baje !

In two more minutes it shall be four in the morning.
As I sit in Computer centre typing this I can distinctly hear the tapping of the keys, someone is playing music on his/her lappy, the low hum of the AC proviodes the background score.

I am in touch with someone who has just fallen in love, they are a very sweet couple and I ams o surprised at how I cannot help but smile each time I see my friend talk about her guy. This other day I was in a rotten mood , was missing home really bad, did not feel like doing anything....that was when it so happened that I spoke with my frnd and she told me about him!
Seeing /hearing her talk and blush, share all the sweet nothings with me....I totally went into the 'whoppeee!!!!' mode!
The depression vanished into thin air and I felt almost as happy as the girl in question!
hehehe

I know I have been blogging very intermittently these days but it is only now when the end terms are about to start that we have a little time to breathe, not too much but yes a little.

Academically, I have been messing up big time..but I guess that is okay...may be someother day, some other trimester.
:P

Day after tommorow my end terms begin, we start with a non credit maths course , so I will begin work for it tommorrow only.

Take care:)
RP.

The end terms begin on Monday.
The first tri has almost come to an end now...as they say, time flies...It sure has in my case.
I do not blof at all these days, and today only I got a particularly conerned mail from a bog reader, which kinda woke me up to my responsibilities towards this blog :P

My schedules here are very tight. Like today only, I had classes from 9 till 6:30..have a tets tomm, 3-4 marketing projects have to be done, an entire psychology project has to be dealt with and I am yet to start with padhai for the end terms.

Today was our last class for a particular subject.The proff in question is an intersting case study actually.He began by hitting us where it hurt us the most and he ended with hitting us where it hurt the most but somewhere along the way, we as a class actually ended up liking him better than any other proff here.

He screamed at us, shouted at us, refuted each point we had to say, disagreed with each of our opinions, used abusive language in class....the list actually is endless.

He would throw us out if he acught us yawing in class and the first day he came , he screamed ta the entire class for an hour coz we did not stand in class as we gave our introductions.

But gradually as we became used to his ways, his classes started becoming fun. Things he said , about life in general, made great sense to me, infact I paid greatest attention to him when he talked aboout his life or was some gyaan about life.

As parting words today Proff had just one thing to say.

He said that he saw great potential in each and everyone of us. If we did not reach the top, it would be coz of only one reason. The reason would be we ourselves.

The whole class clapped and cheered for him as we came to the end of the course with him.....
Cheers and have a good rakhee...
:)

Yog.

So we have Yoga classes every alternate day at the painful hour of 6 in the morning.We sleep at 3 the previous night and are woken up by the various alarm clocks we set by 5:30 am.

As a side note, last to last turn, my roomies simply could not wake me up for the class and they had to leave without me!

So with 2 and a half hours of beauty sleep, the couple of us troop down to the place where the yoga sessions happen.
Yoga is compulsory though it is a non credit course.

One can easily spot poeple with tousled hair, crumpled clothes, straight out of the beds, glad to have managed to wke up at 6. Almost everyone is in a trance, we move like zombies, with our eyes closed, hoping to make it to the right room.
Eyes closed, I generally make way to the place where the mats are piled up, and with eyes closed I pick one of them and return to the hall where the yoga begins.

Till the time our instructor begins the session, we simply lie on the floor to catch up on sleep, most of us have to be woken up by guruji himself when he is about to start the session.

Now we have guruji who wears a white kurta payjama and comes to teach us the subtle nuances of yoga.
The session starts with us chanting something, even after many yoga sessions I am not really sure about what we chant...I just make weird noises and hope that that is what is being said.

The sad part is that this chanting has to be done with our eyes closed.Now with just 2.5 hours of sleep the previous night, keeping eyes closed and staying awake is totally impossible..so a couple of us start dozing off as soon as the chanting begins. This irks guruji very much.

The next thing in line is 'Bhatrika'. I personally do not even attempt bhastrika. And apparenlty there are many like me. So during the last class, a guy from my batch , closed his eyes, sat in the mudra and promptly fell asleep when he was supposed to be breathing in and out doing bhastrika. Guruji is smarrt. He can sense a sleeping yogi pretending to do yoga from a distance. So what he did was that he calmly walked upto the guy in question and put the mike in his hand right under the guy's nose.

All remained silent.

None of the heavy duty breathing sound that should have rightfully eminated from the mike.
Guruji kept the mike there for 30 40 seconds .The guy slept for the next 30-40 seconds.
Then guruji had had enough, he prodded the guy saying 'arre devdas, utho'

Devdas, blissfully asleep sitting in padmasan, was jerked out of his slumber. Within seconds he was back to doing bhastrika to the bets of his abilities amidst laughter around.

The point is that , shav asan is our fave asan, the moment guruji says, 'abb, aap kripiya let jaye, shav asan ki sthiti mein' , we give a mental whoop of joy and lie down on the mats , ready to catch a couple of minutes sleep.

Guruji spends the next few minutes waking up people by prodding them with his feet as he moves along the students.

When guruji begins the yoga class he always makes it a point to ask the class this question,' kaun kaun pet saaf karke aaya hai'.
Initially we were too embaressed to say anything and not a single hand would go up when this question was put up.But...now approximately 6-7 hands shoot up.
The reason is simple, guruji does not allow thses people to sit for yoga lessons, asks them to drink a cup of warm water, take a small 2 minute strol around and then spend soem time in the loo and then come back for yoga.So these guys just leave not to come till it is almost 7 and time to give attendance.

Yoga is good for health. Yoga gives us about 5-6 minutes of sleep, if you are a good potential manager you can grab upto 10 minutes of sleep.

aaaahhhh..sleep...ossum !

Gunite guys!
RP.

Hi,
So It has been 12 days in this place now.It is 2:25 in the morning and I still have loads of work I need to wrap up before I call it a day.
Highlights:

1.I have managed with about an hours sleep, e.g come back from a session with the seniors at 3, jab /settle down by 4, get up 5:30 to drag yourself for yoga at 6.

2.I am generally oscillating between extremes here. Sometimes I miss home so bad that it is almost a physical pain.

3.I keep looking at the gates of my bskul , and have been tempted real bad to just run away and never come back.

4.In the past week, I had a stomach upset followed with some fancy insect taking a fancy to my face, crawling across it and leaving a huge scar behind. If that was not enough I promptly fell ill again, viral fever being the culprit this time .

5.Fo the first time today in 12 days I laughed my guts out, I laughed so bad that I thought I would die laughing. This guy in class was enacting the nirma super ad while the proff was droning on and on about direct and derived demand.Gosh, he was funny!

6.I am so much in awe of the students I am studying with.90%of them are toppers .

7.I messed up the first quiz I wrote here so terribly bad that I cannot even begin to talk about it!

8.I have realised that if I have free time , it almost kills me!!!

I hope you guys have been doing good, as far as I am concerned , I am hoping I will soon start feeling better here.

gunite
RP.

P.S. Will try to be more regular with blogging from now on!

Two things..


Today is the 30th of June 2007. This day is significant 'coz of two things.


1. My blog turns 2 today. It has been a very nice two years at that!

2. I leave home today , for the first time, to try and get an MBA degree for myself. I am all packed and ready to leave, which I will at 9 in the night.

It is funny that my blog should turn two the day I leave home. I have spent the last two years working for CAT and other MBA exams, my blog bears ample testimony to that. Little had I known when I had started the blog that that very day, two years later I would be leaving home , no not for a job which I so dreaded but for MBA which I dread even more now!


The pic below shows N writting on the blackboard on our last day in college a few days ago.http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2007/06/good-bye-as-i-begin-to-pen-down-this-it.html: chek the end of the post for more details on this picture.

So, Happy birthday and goodbye.

Happy Birthday Blog.

Goodbye ma, pa, my home, my room, my city, neighbours and everything else that has been a part fo my life here....will come to you all in 10 weeks :)

Celebrationzz...

Aaah...well, the results were declared. 8th semester Btech results.
Today, in the morning , I read about them in the newspaper and tried hopelessly to log on to the website but to no avail.

I had not received my customary sms from him[http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2006/09/so-i-blog-about-him-today-and-let-me.html ] either. So that meant that either the results had not yet been declared or I had done miserably.But about 15 minutes later a message sent at about one the morning reached me .
It was from P. I have not spoken to him since I left college, but yet he remember his job [:P]

I read the message and smiled for 2 minutes non stop.

Time for a beeeeeeeegggggg wala 'yeayyyyyyyyyyy'
:P

A round of chilled mango shake with dollops of ice cream and a generous sprinkling of nuts for everyone here!


And yess, I could not help but put the links of some other ecstatic moments when the first thing I did on knowing my result was to go online and blog about err...umm..myslef!

http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2006/09/results-well-6th-sem-results-are.html
http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2006/03/yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy1.html

And yeah, btw, I am Er. Raam Pyari now.*superior look*

Memories inside a Drawer.....

A bad net connection and an even worse volatage situation at home has ensured very few posts in the last few days.I have been packing and buying for most part of this week and am now basically done with most of the packing.

It is funny in a sad way to go through all the drawers. You simply have no idea how many memories they treasure within their closed and dark interiors.Going through ancient drawers has been the most difficult part of the process of leaving home till now.

This one particular drawer is an ancient one. It is mostly neat and organised. I can take a few things from that drawer I decide for myself as I start taking out stuff one after the other, fingering each item that my eager fingers find and reliving memories associated with it.

There is this beautiful hand made birthday card from Dada(my nana ji), who is a renowned artist.I am his favourite grandchild.
Inside the card which has Lord Ganesh on the front , in his beautiful artistic hand writing are these words in Hindi.

'Tejaswini Pyari RP,

Jeevan ho prasson sa,
Mann nache mayur sa,

Tej ho suraj sa,
Bhagya ho chand sa.

-Dada
-Nani''

I spent some time staring at the card. Both my grandparents are 80+, Nani has not been keeping well these days and each time I meet her, I fear it will be the last. I went over to my grand parents for 3 days last week. There was so much of love around me that I cannot even try to put it in words.Since I am as it is emtionally very volatile these days, I almost broke down into tears when it was time to leave everyone . 15 people whom you pretty much love like anything, standing outside an ancient house where you have spent some of the best few days of your life , waving a bye at you sitting in an about to speed off car......

I shirk off the memory and dive into the drawer once again.
There is this HUGE birthday card from Bhai.It is a simple card.There is a cute girl wearing a pink ribbon in her hair on the front.

It says:

'Didi,

I might have taken
The pampering for granted
in all these years

But never the love behind it all.

Love always,
Bhai.'

I have never ever read these simple words without having silent , helpless tears cascade down my cheeks.Never ever. Not even now.

There is a letter from my cousin tucked in some remote corner of the drawer . I take it out and go through it . The letter consists of the type of nonsense sisters in class 8 somehow manage to write each time, without fail . However, just below the main letter are a few lines which have been unsuccessfully hidden by a scrap of paper which has not even been glued propely. On top of this piece of paper is written the following:

'Didi, please do not remove this scrap of paper'.

So, when on the morning of my 21st birthday I got the letter, I immeditaely removed the scrap of paper to see what was written under it.

This is what was written:

Didi, I do not think I am supposed to tell you this but a surprise birthday party has been planned for you .All your friends are being invited in the evening . But you are not supposed to know this .

I spent the evening pretending to be surprised at the very expected turn of events unfolding in front of my eyes.

Hehee..but it is such a cute letter , and she so innocently told me of the surprise birthday party that I cannot help but smile each time I see that letter and recall how I had to keep pretending to be surprised the whole of that evening!

Then there is this weird thing in my drawer. I had a crush in college, I never spoke much to him and he spent his days in college telling everyone what a responsible girl RP is. Huh!
Anyways, so he had given me that thing. Just like that, he had one extra and he thrust it at me while we were waiting ,in college, for an event to begin which I was supposed to host.
'Here, you keep this', he had said smiling.
It has been over 3 years since that day and I sure have kept it!

There are sets of bangles kept neatly in boxes.I open each of the boxes and finger the pink, blue and silver bangles. My Mum has no sense of which bangle will go with which suit/ saree. I always do that for her. For a moment I sit and wonder who will do that now.

There is a green and yellow wind chime.It is all tangled and messed up now. It was very pretty once . It is so symbolic. Read on.A good friend of mine gave it to me on my birthday. We were such good friends, I recall and something somewhere hurts at the memory of what happened later. We studied together for CAT, used to go for the AIMCATs, do quanttogether , discuss questions hell, we even had adjacent rooms for the actual CAT exam. Then I got thru a b skul and she could not convert any call, so she stopped talking to me, stopped talking my calls, stopped replying to messages. I remember calling her up many times even when I was holidaying in Chandigarh and Simla. BUt she would not take my calls.

Then she called me when both of us had cleared the written round of this job inteview, that day was like the old days, I did not question her much about the calls and everthing was , it seemed, back to normal.Then I got through and she was chucked out. So, well...she stopped talking again.
So, now we do not speak, without even a single fight, no harsh words spoken, nothing .For me she was a good friend but for her I was just competition.....it is sad, but it is also a lesson.An important one.

Now, you tell me, what should I leave and what do I take with me? Which memory do I let go of, what part of myself do I leave behind?
This is going to be such a big change for me that I cannot even begin to put it in words. When I was done with the drawer I sat in my room for a long time, thinking .Thoughts pressed against my mind and my heart felt heavy and laden.

RP.

Of feet :)

After many days I feel like writing something random, so all ye 'random lovers' welcome aboard!

You know how it often is..ow when you try to catch hold of time and stretch it and make it last longer, the exact opposite happens..time flies and the more you try to slow it the faster it slips from your clutched fingers.

I have been trying to do the same.

I have been trying to stop time, trying to make memories, trying to learn faces, places, smells, touch.
I have often wondered who the one person I love the most and cannot live without is . Funnily enough, these are two different people in my case. I love my brother the most and it is my mother I cannot manage without.

I was a year and a day old when I became the elder child of the family, my brother was born a day after my first birthday. So, Ma suddenly had two very young kids to put to sleep. She would pat my brother to sleep with her hands and would use her feet to pat me to sleep.
That probably explains the immense love I have for her feet. I never sleep next to her, I always sleep next to her feet. The entire bed might be empty but it her feet next to which I would crawl to and find my heaven on earth.

My mother has the most unglamorous feet. Her toes are thin and have been kinda shriveled up ever since I can remember. She is, in fact most embarrassed about her feet, but I really do not find anything more calming than placing my palm or even my face against what are amongst the most non good looking pair of feet on this planet.

It is so unhygienic also! I mean Ma's feet do not have to be clean for me to place my cheeks against her feet. My father, a doctor, has regular heart attacks when he sees me do this, but how can explain to him the peace, the quiet I feel when I do that.

I remember coming back tired from college during Btech, Ma would be sitting on a chair and I would simply sit on the floor next to her , next to her feet and I would start feeling better.

I come from a family where my Mother always wanted her children to not blindly ape the West. Which is probably why I have never had a single 'western' type birthday. Yeah, I am soooo many many years old and yet I have never cut a birthday cake!

Her dream was to have a daughter who could on one hand speak the 'fluentest' of English and would on the other never be embarrassed to touch an elder's feet when she met him while in a mall with friends. So, I have been trained that way.

Touching of feet is a very serious issue in my family. I cannot imagine not immediately bending down to touch a relative’s feet no matter where I see him/her; in college, in school, in a mall, with friends whatever! I see a relative and I obediently bend down to ask for their blessings while my uber cool friends gasp in horror!

Training has to start at home. Each night before I go to bed, I touch both my Mother and Father's feet.
Each night.
Without fail.
Both of us, my brother and I do this.
It is now mainly a habit I cannot let go of. If supposing I forget to touch their feet, I will simply not be able to sleep. I mean just before I am about to like really fall asleep I would wake up and remember that I have not!!

Ma's take it this. Apart from the fact that it is a part of our culture, she says it is important, for success, to be able to bend in front of people, at times. Touching of feet, at least in one way, is all about bending, right?
Hehee

Yes, it is not very cool these days to do this, relatives is may be a bit all right, but parents, both of them, each night, that certainly is very uncool..but aaah..well..thats the way it is and if some day I have a child to bring up, she[preferably]/he[*sigh*] would be doing the same.

It will be funny to not be in my room in 20 odd days' time. It will be funny to not have Ma and Papa there in person.
These days I try to fall sleep while they are still moving about, I like the feel of Ma and Pa being around and awake . I like the sound of Harsha Bhogle's commentary as some how I associate cricket with Papa.I am at times so hopelessly trying to memorise evry tiny detail that it gets claustorphobic.

I will miss touching their feet at night.
I will also miss the 'Kush raho beta' which is in its own quiet way one of the most comforting and familiar phrases I have ever heard.

Gunite.
RP

Good Bye :(

As I begin to pen down this, it is already almost 8 in the morning. At 9 I have to leave for college for my last official day there. We have the ‘Industrial Interface’[summer training ] viva and with that complete, we would officially be over with Btech.

In the last few days we had loads of work to wrap up including a variety of viva and the dreaded BTP[ For the uninitiated BTP is the Btech Final year project, a maxx beeg thing for any Btech student.] .We were a group of 4 people, 2 guys and 2 girls who had to submit the BTP together, so that required loads of proper division of work and labor!
For the past 5-6 days or so, I have been up till almost 3 each night making the rubbish 150 page Report that is so essential for the BTP.The tension continuously increased as somehow did the work.

In the 4 years here, I have been part of two different groups. One had N, S and I and the other had P ,R ,N and I. The first one was an all girl group and somehow it was extremely hellish. There were hardly any giggles, S was never serious about work which would make me very angry, she could be very rude and that intimidated me no end and some time later when S and I had a MAJOR fight [which had its roots in the fact that she left an entire 10 hours of work for N and I to deal with while she went for a movie ] we mutually decided to part ways. The next group was totally different. The last few weeks have been a pleasant experience that ways, not a single fight, no ego issues, infact no issues at all.. It was easy to divide the work and manage it. N and I wrote the entire 150 page Report and made the 30 slide PPT as well..but as we did the PPT work together for about 6 hours there were many times when we would simply crack up laughing ; it actually ended up being a lot of fun!
Calling up other team members at 3 in the morning to ask them some silly doubt, the program not running properly till 8 in the morning of the presentation, then the Lappy acting smart, preparing for the presentation, deciding who will speak what and finally the presentation itself.
Phew!

Well, to cut a long story short the presentation went of smoothly, our topic was interesting and fun and the lady taking the presentation seemed quite happy with our work!
However all through the past few weeks there has been a non existent lump in my throat…it would soon be time to leave and now it is time to leave.
L

After the BTP got over, N and I, we went to each and every Lecture Theater that exists in my college. We sat in each class we have ever been into as students. And as we would enter a particular class N and I would suddenly have so many memories to share and recount. This is where I used to sit often, this happened that semester, that proff said that to that guy.
N would pick up a chalk piece and scribble a ‘GOOD BYE’ on the black/Green Board of each LT we visited as I would sit quietly in a corner, seeing her do this and letting the realization dawn upon me.
It is over.
OVER.

Four years and 8 at times very long and at times very short semesters later, it is all now finally over.

Of me and Bahin...

Well, so some of you know me better than I know myself! I am indeed back and I am surprised ! I know, some of who had even prophesied an early return-- ‘waah’ ‘waah’ to you!
:)

Now, let me tell you how Sayesha, unknowingly paid a beeeg role in my return.

You know, I am not Raam Pyari, as in I was not named RP by my parents .But yet it has somehow become a part of my identity. ‘Smilethesmile’ is just a blog, I know, but it is indeed at least a small part of my identity. It is difficult to get a new name, a new address and pretend as if all was like before.

In comes Sayesha.

I am, I guess, one of her most regular readers even if I do not comment on each and every post. So, when I came face to face with the problem coz of which I had stopped blogging here, the first person whose advice I wanted to take was, well, you guessed it right, Sayesha.

So, I went to her blog, but sadly there was no email contact to be found and I again found myself at sea.

So, with all this happening, ‘Blogging all the way’ shut down and all, I happened to read the latest post at the bar.
500 drinks :) !!!

[Cheers, bahin, btw! ]

There is this one line in her post which I shall not quote, which was almost like ‘Bahin’ talking to me about the problem I was facing here. In the post she also mentions what she thinks about such a situation .AndI could so totally see her point of view. It was an epiphany of sorts, the clouds parted and there was the proverbial sunshine all around.

So, that got me thinking, and the more I thought about it, the more sure I started feeling about reopening this place.

I will not/ cannot die for ‘Blogging all the way..’ but you see, it is two years of me- from the time when I was in 2nd year Btech till today, when I have just finished the last theory exam I will ever write as a student of a Btech course.

Almost two years and about 180 posts.

That is a lot of me.

I could not let it go, just like that.

I kept thinking about all of you who read whatever crap I write here. I mean, it just seemed useless to let go of this place.

Hence and therefore, I am back and Bahin is to be at least partially thanked for the dramatic return!

So, I take this[she has just reached post number 500] opportunity to thank Bahin, not for writing that particular post but for churning out post after post, for allowing me and others like me , unknown strangers , to peek into her life , for being honest, for being funny ,for sharing with us the smallest of things, for sharing with us the biggest of things , for making the bar such an integral part of our lives.And for helping me decide on coming back here:)

500 down?
5000 more to go re!

The good thing was that due to all that happened here, I got a chance to know some of my readers here who took out the time to actually mail me.

Keep Rocking!

RP.

P.S. Girl series will be back. I will try and finish the story before I leave my city!
I do not think I need to put this here, but Sayesha a.k.a. Bahin can be found at www.sayesha.blogspot.com

The blog is open.
Details later, have an exam kal.
Big thankyou to Sayesha, for making me see sense.

will be back with a detailed post!!!

Dear readers,

Some of the more regular ones amongst you all have been mailing me about why I have restricted access to my blog...

Well, restricted access it will be..I might start a new blog, migt not blog, might blog here only with limited access.
However, my stat counter has been telling me that there are people around who have been reading my blog with tremendous regularity for a long time, poeple who I do not know, probably poeple who do not even blog themselves.
So, this is message for all of you, who I am vain enough to believe , like to read my posts.
I am putting down my email id...do lemme know about yourselves,if I ill start blogging again, I will let you guys know :)

Thankyou for reading what I have written for the past 2 years.

Will miss 'Blogging all the way'

RP.

P.S.: EMAIL ID= raampyari007@rediffmail.com

The Logic and Science behind an Indian Marriage

So, my cousin’s wedding just got over and in taking an active part in her wedding, I got an opportuniy to observe keenly all that is so intrinsicly a part of the proverbial big fat indian wedding!

Seeing all ‘rasma’s and riwaazs [customs]I was surprised to see the sheer logic and sense behind even some of the tiniest of customs we follow so casually .
For starters ‘dowry’..no not the dowry we talk of today but go back a couple of hundred years I guess.A girl going to a new place would simply feel more comfortable using things she gets from her own home….than actually going to new and strange people and asking them for it.

By giving things like utensils etc as part of dowry the girl’s parents set up a mini household for her simply for her convenience.

The whole huge gathering that happens at the wedding--I think in ancient times also all the community members would gather for a girl’s wedding. The reason? My guess is that instead of being the grand show of one’s riches and affluence that a wedding now sadly is, it was ,I guess ,meant to ensure that all from both the sides got to meet one another and know the other one better.

Similarly customs like ‘joota churai’ et al ensure a light atmosphere during the wedding itself and also helps the two families to get to know each other better.
The excessive make up girls are supposed to put on during the wedding and the bangles and ‘bichia’s , the ‘mangal sutra’s and the sindoor ; now I have two theories on that. One is that since these are telltale signs of a girl being married, random men who would see the girl would know before hand that the girl is married and hence no untoward incident would happen.

The other logic is that that makes the girl look more attractive and there by the husband would feel more attracted to her. Now this brings me to another aspect of the whole thing. The ‘ghonghat’. Why the ghooghat? I have done my bit of talking to a lot of people on this and have come to a conclusion which is as follows. See, culturally we are not a ‘nuclear-family’ society, we have joint families ,with the father , all the sons and their families –everyone living together. Now from what I have heard apparently incest is quite common in rural and probably also in urban India even today. So, keeping the girl’s face covered, particularly when she went in front of the other men of the family was a tiny step in ensuring that that would not happen.

Similarly take the widows; they are not supposed to wear any kind of makeup, no colorful clothes, nothing that makes them attractive; this being done to ensure that men would not be interested in them!

The saying ‘Ladaki ke shaadi waaley ghar mein kaam karne se punya milta hai’ [You are blessed if you help out in a household preparing for their girl’s wedding ] is one of the smartest thing our pundit jees have come up with. I have seen enough of a household preparing for its girl’s wedding to know how much of work there is to be done!!! So they really need people to come forward and help! And if people generally believe that by helping out they are getting brownie points , so be it!!

Customs like the ‘chauthi’ according to which the girl is supposed to return to her parent’s house for a day on the 4th day after her wedding is another smart one! See, obviously the girl is suddenly face to face with so many strangers , so like if she knows that she would be going back to her house in just a few days , that might make things that little bit easier for her! I also think that the custom of the girl celebrating her first Holi at her parents house is just another gimmick our ancestors cooked up to ensure that the poor girl gets at least one more break!!

If you look closely at the nitty gritties that happen during the actual wedding you will notice that there is some tiny thing that only the ‘bua’ is supposed to do, something the ‘chacha’ is supposed to do. This distribution of roles and duties amidst the members of the family probably kept the interest of all alive and kicking! This probably came about as the only way to keep the whole family together and make them feel important!

I don’t know really, I have no great knowledge of the human mind, nor do I claim to possess a great insight into our culture and history. Hence this can but be called only a very naïve attempt at understanding the science and logic behind the manner in which the marriages in our society in general have been shaped. Everything that we refer to as being part of our ‘culture’ is nothing but probably a way of keeping the society in order. What we think of that ‘way’ per se might be good or bad ; it depends on us as individuals but I feel that with most of our customs , if you look just that closely , you will come across some thing that definitely makes sense.If nothing , you will atleast be able to make a vague guess of what was probably going on in mind of our society at that point in time.

Job #2...

Okay, so 2 days back Adobe came visiting to our campus. I came to know of it only the night before that and I was in mood to work for it. I had stopped working on my technical skills by Jan last year when I had started working for a b skul in full earnest and somehow never started working on it again.
So like , I was in no mood to stay up the whole night working for it...so I just brushed up a little bit of C and was basically ready to go give the test.
I was mentally prepared for being chucked out in the 1st round itself.
It would be nothing more than a slight embarrassment, I reasoned with myself!

The whole day was spent busy with the farewell party that my branch juniors had organized for us , I came back dead tired at about 8 , watched some TV [only ' some' because it was a Sunday and Dad was home for the evening! ] and went off to bed!

The next day I got up at around 8, got out of bed at about 8:45 and left home for the PPT that was to begin at 9 , at about 9:15.

Spent the next hour listening to the ppt and err… admiring the cute guys …ahem..and before I knew it, it was time to write the test..

There were three things they tested, analytical skills, mathematical skills and C .
I personally was not very satisfied with the test and instead of waiting for the results I decided to head back home. There was no point in waiting for about 2 hours for the potentially negative results!

At 5, a friend called up to tell me that my interview was slotted for 5 sharp.


Needless to say all hell broke loose…I had been semi asleep cuddled next to Ma when the call had come and the transformation from the sleepy me to the screaming me had to be seen to be believed !! After having created enough tension at home ,I changed into a dark maroon salwaar kurta, tied my hair in a plait, kajal for the eyes, a tiny black bindi .This was followed by a mad rush to look for the CV and certificates [ which were still in the file I had used for the Narsee Monjee interview in Delhi ] which was then followed with forcing Dad to drive fast to drop me to college!!

When I reached college, I was immediately handed this huge form to fill..I had just borrowed a pen [I do not have any faith in having pens of my own, you see ]and was about to fill in my name when this guy from the team came out and called my name!

Like a woman possessed I hastily tried to fill my form .Once that was done I headed for the interview room. I just paused outside the room for a few seconds to compose myself before heading straight in.

So began the first round of interview.

The guy taking my interview and I felt completely relaxed…infact he even asked me how I was so well prepared for the interview!
:P
Then followed some puzzles which believe it or no I managed to solve !!!I guess the tough DI caselets I solved for CAT helped me there…
He even got me to play a game with him..he asked me to sell him a paper weight, a pen and sooo many many other questions!
The interview went on for about an hour..it was so extensive, the fact that he was easy on the eyes helped a little bit ..hehehe :P

Then the second round happened –another 50 minute interview of extensive grilling!
And then as soon as I was about to go in for the third one I was asked to wait for sometime…by this time it was already 9 o clock in the night, so I got together with some frnds of mine and we went and had Maggie at the Nestle counter just outside the academic block….


Maggie in college at 9 in the night?
Priceless!

So, then finally the interview happened at 10 in the night, from 10:30 to 11:00!! Haf an hour of the gentleman trying ot figure out my insecurities!
:|
Yess, that is what he said…he also asked to me to tell him about the craziest thing I had done.
I actually told him that it was censored and could not be mentioned here!
And he actually said that whatever I said would remain within the walls of the room!

Heheh..Imagine

So finally at about 11:15 I reached home, after having been standing the whole day without a moments rest!

And with that my second job interview came to an end.

Epilogue: I got the job!!! Yeayyyyy!!!

P.S : If you wish to check out my first job interview with CTS , here is the link--- http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_archive.html
Check out the post in green