Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Dear India,

In retrospect I realize that I loved you with all my heart.I think if I were born at the time when you needed me to free you, I would have gladly risen to the occasion, no matter what was demanded of me.But as you can see, I am using the past tense.
There are some people who decide policies the rest of us living here have to follow.Academics has been very important to me all my life.I have slogged as much as I cud ,been as honest as I could be and shall remain so as well. There is a particular Mr.Singh who has suggested 49.5% reservation for the OBCs +the SC/STs in many institutes that impart top class education....being the ultra emotional fool that I am, I am again looking at the entire situation emotionally.
I feel extremely let down by my own country.The politicians at the helm including Dr Singh, A.P.J Kalam, P.chidambaram are some of the most educated people we have ever had.And not one of them has said a word.


I don't wish to be part of something where such rubbish things happen so easily.Today I saw hundreds of doctors agitating against this move.The police lathi charged a few of them, used tear gas, maybe in some time a few of us students will set ourselves afire..but I know none of it will affect these politicians.

Cannot they think beyond votes????Cannot they think reason???Is everyone so power hungry??Is power so intoxicating?

What if one of those agitating today was Arjun singh's son.Would he still maintain the same silence he has over the issue??

The BJP too has nothing to say other than questioning the timing of the announcement.
Get an SC/ST doctor to deal with Pramod Mahajan!!!!!!!
No they won't!
why?? Cuz they need expertise!they need people with skills not someone who is a particular caste

I am feeling extremely disillusioned. Earlier when I would read/hear that ur GDP is improving or the markets are doing good or that companies from round the globe are flocking to the Indian shores, I would feel a certain amount of pride.You are mine, I would say to myself.
But now, none of it happens.The Sensex crosses 1200 and I say to myself,"what the hell...these people are taking us to the dogs, isase kya hoga".
I do not connect with you anymore.
I do not feel that I am part of you.
I hate feeling this way.I hate it.

For the first time in my life I am seriously contemplating going away from you.I dont want to belong to a place where everything is so unfair, where anyone will do anything to get power, stay in power.

I hate injustice and this is just so unfair.

I am reading about ur history, India, about those thousands of people who gave their lives to free you....their efforts have been so futile...

I read about corrupt officials, I read about girls being raped every other day, I see scams happening, I see corruption, corruption, corruption.Everywhere!!!I see you doomed.
I hate reading the newspaper solely because what some of us are doing to you.I hate flipping through the news channels because it annihilates any iota of hope I have for you.For us.
THings that happen around me have now started affecting me.I cannot remain indifferent simply because you are, after all my very own.
I know I cannot do much.So, like a coward ,I choose to hate you. I wish I could go to these people and beg them to please see sense , to plz not gnaw at my country in this manner, to please not rob her of all that is good.

I wish I had the power to do something.I have people around me who fought against a lot of this but threats from well known gundaz promising to abduct female family members have forced them to lead quieter lives.

Maybe I am too idealistic.Maybe.
Maybe I am too emotional.Maybe.
Maybe I am both.

But I want to love you.....but I find it becoming increasingly difficult.I know it does not matter to ANYONE whether I love you or no.But it matters to me.And before I live with anyone else, I have to live with myself.

I do not understand why I am directing my anger at you.I do not know.But it breaks my heart to see what is happening.
Maybe, because no matter how 'in' it might be to sing praises of other countries, I remain deeply attached to you.

I should not crib.I have no right.Simply because I have never execrcised my right to vote.Ever.
OKay ,I have the option to choose between somone who has raped 20 women and the other who has raped 19 and killed one.But still I should vote.
Maybe then only shall I have the right to crib.
I will vote this time, no matter what and plz if you are reading this and can vote but have not, plz do the same.
India needs us to vote.

okay, I take back something I said not so long ago.I do not hate you.Coz if i did i would not be so passionate about what is happening to you.
BUt I hope the politicians will let me continue liking you.I don't want to hate you.I don't want to leave you.

Yours sincerely,

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

whats going on??

I am becoming mujeekally inclined!!!!!!Did you see that!!!!!!!

This is again going to be a 15 minute post..I have to start padhai at 8:30..I thought I'll blog as the next few days are going to be a bit hectic *pause * again
I mite have to host a computer gaming fest to be organised in college and for that an entire team has to be made.This will take a considerable amount of time and energy.Apart from that, my gareeb university has decided to finally bestow on me something that they have decided to call a scholarship.Now an account has to be opened in the college bank for that And this calls for a couple of thousand sighs!
Any of you who has gotten work done (or tried to get work done) in a government college shall know the reason.There is so much of crap involved that I am wondering if I should let the silly 'scholarship' be!

With due respect to the honourable and venerable BTech degree, I find myself giving less and less time to the equally honourable and venerable pursuit of getting 80+% this sem. But there is a problem.I hate not doing well!!! Simple as that.I really need to work on that, you know...aise kaam nahi chalega.My end sems begin on the 16th of next month and the companies for campus placement shall start poring in soon well...loads of work to be done and things to be completed....

ohho..okay okay..enough of my dukh bhari kahani...

What apart from that then??? ahem
good question.
lets see....

*I ate Pringles, but since there was no one to share them with, maza nahi aaya:(

*Met a dear dear friend and I hope that we remain good friends no matter what.I hope Friend agrees as well;)

*Had a 'dharti phat jaaye aur mein chupp jaaon' moment when mum casually mentioned to Friend that as a little girl I had decided to commit suicide cuz i had done badly in a maths test. ( see, i say naaa, quant meri jaan le karr hi rahega;P )

*As Friend was leaving I offerd to run, melodramatically, after the car.Friend politely but firmly refused.

*and yessss...loved the chotu si story Friend told me about Aurangzeb.

*Apart from this, another friend has given me homework which I have not completed as of now.And this frieNd means business.I will read the book ASAP!!!Monk jee jinhone apani ferrari bech di, mein aa rahi hoon... *dramatic luk*

*Anuther blogger friend sent me links to Wodehouse books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but..I cant open the links..what could be wrong, any idea?

*Its raining books for me right now and I couldnt be happier!!I am reading INDIRA, at the moment and it is so totally fascinating.Imagine being 19,frail and thin , in switzerland, alone while your mother slowly decayed.Imagine growing up without hardly ever seeing your father.Imagine loosing ur mother at 19.imagine your father having an affair soon after.
Imagine the destiny that awaited her.
Its the first biography that I am reading and I am hooked!!!!!

Its almost nine now!
gotta go...
adios amigos..
Raam pyari.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

20th April, 2006
*clears her throat*

Now, there is one problem with me.If a project has to be submitted then I usually begin the important work a day before, presuming that everything will obviously go according to plan.
So, tomm we have to submit our project(It is rubbish, btw) so today, the hard disk of the PC we use collapsed, then after behaving like 3 mad women when the three of us redid the ENTIRE project in 4 hrs flat, the light went off.With the CD inside the PC.
Then the back up floppies simply refused to open in any other PC....and then nothing would open anywhere.Simple as that!!!So now, lets see what happens tomm!!!
In case I am kicked out of college kal, toh plz plz plz bear with someone who tried real hard to get her Btech degree but failed miserably cuz of PCz and the State Electricity Board which refused to co-operate.

Anywayz, the ticherr concerned gave us a fantastic treat today!!
she took the enire class to a mall and treated all of us there!Imagine 40 of uss!!!

The mall...

It was a considerable amount of funn. A friend and I spent a considerable amount of time roaming in the mall discussing the apocraphyl 'true love'.
The friend and I also spent a considerable amount of time on the escalator.
yess!!! You heard it right!!!I went upp ,using the escalator and then came down using another escalator!!!then went upp again and came down again!!!!!then upp again and down again!!!!!
yess, I did it!!!
But before this happend my friend had to sit me down and clear the nebulous and hazy concepts I had of the art of stepping onto and from an escalator.And then I had to give a small quiz followed by a small practical exam, then many big ones and finally the major Exam!!
And I passed *wipes off tears of absolute , unbriddled joy*

Maaaaaa, mai passs ho gayi !!!!

Big bazaar fascinates me.It really does when I see people come out of it with bags the size of a not so mini Sumo wrestler.Today , for the first time I went inside one.
came out with a bag as well. *sad,dejected luk*

I know i know....I should not have done that...but...but a pair of pink and white slippers with cute flowers and cuter hearts and an even cuter teddy literally called out to me from amidst a pile of similar but not half as pretty did, you know, I could hear it speak to me...oohhh and its got this terribly cute flower on the strap as well!!!
Its lovely, its lovely....

It was for Rs 99, and yet I instinctively wanted to bargain! I mean its such a habit now...but I am yet to acquire the brilliant bargaining skills my mother has.

ma: yeh kinne ka ?
shopkeeper(SK) :300 kah, madummm!
ma(who happens to have begun her days shopping from this shop only): arre!!!! inna mehenga...pass wala 200 ka deh raha hai.
SK: ohh, okok...arre madumm, yeh lijiye aap kkya yaad rakhengi, 15 rupaye ka leh lijiye.

me: yeh kinne ka ?
shopkeeper(SK) :300 kah, madummm!
me: arre!!!! inna mehenga...pass wala 200 ka deh raha hai.
shopkeeper:toh usi se leh lijiye.

*hurt luk*

ma: yeh kinne ka ?
shopkeeper(SK) :300 kah, madum!
ma(who happens to have never been to the shop before) :arre bhai sahab, mein aapke yahan se 5 saal se saman le rahi hoon, poorane customers ke liye toh daam kum karte hi hain naa??
SK: arre!! jee haan!!! zaroor...madumm, aap 50 rupaye deh dijiye.

me: yeh kinne ka ?
shopkeeper(SK) :300 kah, madum!
me:arre bhai sahab, mein aapke yahan se 5 saal se saman le rahi hoon, poorane customers ke liye toh daam kum karte hi hain naa??
SK: *smirks* achcha???? *points to the board which reads..'established, Jan 2006' *

Some times it is difficult to get the hang of something tricky and extremely complicated..but just as I mastered the esoteric art of stepping on an escalator today ..someday I shall be THE greatest bargainer on this planet.
I just need someone who would clear my concepts.

Love ,
Raam Pyari.

Monday, April 17, 2006

I Love you...

Sometimes I wonder if , contrary to what I have believed, getting married might indeed be a great idea.Given the innumerable talents I am the proud yet humble owner of , I am sure some'chowkidaar' somewhere woud agree to marry me provided my Dad ensures a cash payment of Rs. 250 lakhs atleast 10 days before the date of the wedding.
Then I wont have to study.
wont have to give midsems.
Wont have to get up at 4 to study.
Wont have eyes that are perpetually red.

I will then obvio live in a small hut where there would not be any running water or electricity.Cuz obviously Bahadur wont be earning much.Moreovr , I will have to manage without Revlon lipsticks...err..which might be like real difficult...hmm...

Apart from that , I gather once in a while there won't be anything to eat also, which would be extremely filmi and hence very grand.I might then have to go to the local 'parchoon ki dukan' ka not so respectable owner and ask him to lend us some daal-chawal while he leers* on.

I mite also, just have 2 sarees, which again shall be very very filmi and hence one can easily bear it all imagining a made-in-umreecah camera belonging to the camera-man of some director like Sanjay Leela Bhansaali..focussing on me as I try and choose which of the two sarees to wear for Bahadur's budday.

and yessssss!!!!!! since I would obvio be using the 'chulha' cuz there won't be money for gas, maybe after a couple of years...i get this nasty habit of coughing all the time.
With just 2 sarees , no Revlon and a perpetual khansi....aaahhhh...

Apart from that, I would not tell Bahadur that I am a qualified engg.I'll pretend to be a total gawaar and then ask him to teach me english.After years of hard work I mite even learn to say 'I labhhh looo, Bahadurr'.

Okay all this is getting wayyyy too low IQ even for my reasonably low standards..but was feeling extremely low and I have now decided that I shall not allow myself to feel low, even if I have to write an UTTERLY useless test in 3 hours.Hence and therefore the rubbihs post:D

Suddenly the sight of the Revlon lipsticks lying near by is a comfort.
I think I'll go upto to them, clutch them and tell them that I love them and even death cannot do us part.

I love you, Revlon. Ting . Ting.Tiding!!

Raam Pyari.

* In class 10 we did many short stories for our syllabus.Our teacher, Mrs. Joshi used to explain the meanings of the almost all the words that dared crossed our, thankfully she left the likes of 'is, 'an'and 'the' alone.
She explained the word 'leer' as ----to look at with evil intensions.I have no recollection of any story taught to us or as a matter of fact , anything at all.Only one thing from that entire year remains in my memory.
leer== look at with evil intensions.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The deep, meaningful and philosophical transition from Moonwalker to Raam Pyari

As you all can very well see, from now on, I shall be Raam Pyari( kindly note the two'a's.)
I personally liked 'Raam Dulari' better but it was the wise counsel of a trusted and dear friend that helped me decide in the favour of the former.
Raam pyari deserves all the respect and love you all have showered on MoonWalker.
I hereby also express a deep wish that just as Moonwalker never walked the Moon, Raam pyari bhi Ram koh jaldi pyaari na ho jaye.

Moonwalker actually is a bit sick of being Moonwalker, so she is taking a tiny break from being MoonWalker.
Apart from that, kindly do not make fun of Raam pyari(her mother, being a die hard fan of Ekta Kapooor had decided on the spelling of her name only after consulting Ms. Kapoor's personal numerologist ).
Raam pyari is very sensitive to people making fun of her name.
Raam pyari likes pink and she sure can kick some ass!

Moonwalker might me back, but hopefully Raam pyari will stay atleast a few days.

Treat her well.

Moonwalker..errr...I mean Raam Pyari.

Friday, April 14, 2006



So, this makes it three days and three posts.I don't know what has happened!!!I think it is just that since I have recently stopped ritin in my diary, I have started treating this place as one.

I woke up some time back and there is no one at home.It is quiet here..and a bit dark outside right now.Ma and Dad have gone for a morning walk , i gather..which reminds me that I need to do a bit of stretching myself!
*deep sigh!!!*
Anyways...I have a longg day in front of me.A friend is coming over and we are planning to brush up DBMS ,CO and a bit of programming for the placements...then in the evening its gonna be all billlliiiieeeee.

For the first time in my life I am optimistic.I have, for the first time, a positive outlook.Those who have known me long are shocked to the extent of having a heart attack!! But well, all I do, is smile a superior smile .It is such a refreshing change to look at things optimistically.

There is some distant relative.She is around my age.One fine day, she stared foaming at her mouth and has been paralysed since.She cannot walk , sleep, recognise anyone...
I am happy because God has been very kind to me.I am reasonably healthy, my mum and dad are mostly okay, bhai is friends are okay..
I have hands that are willing to work , a mind that is willing to learn. *tw for the entire paragraph!*
What else can I ask for...

A few days ago,I we went to meet these people.Their daughter-in-law had just had a miscarriage and since Ma is consulted for things medical by all and sundry, she had to pay a visit.
They are not an affluent family.But as I looked around I saw nothing but love and love and some more love.The girl's husband was perepetually at her side, peeling apples for her, insisting that she eats another fruit.Just one more, he would plead, for him,pleaseeee .
The mother -in-law would hover around, the woman's daughter wud come running and try to sit in her mother's lap, but the father would shoo her away with a 'abhi ma ko arram karne doh, beta'.
She might not be able to buy that fantastic Revlon lipstick, but if I were given a chance to choose between the lipstick and this, I so totally would have chosen the totally...

I gather too much money is as badd as too little money...earn as much as you want but one should have time for one's family,it is so important that there be love amongst people in the family.Itis so important.Why don't people understand that??
why don't they?!!!



Flowers in my garden...there dying now, cuz of the heat...but ain't they garden becomes a riot of colours in the rite they are all dying..:(

P.S. For all those wud be mums-in-law, who think I am a potential winner of the Star Parivar Yogya Bahu Award, kindly reconsider.Keep yorselves and your sons who happen to be money minting machines ,away from me.Else, as I told Mum , I will run away.*kind beatific smile*

P.S.#2: You know what!!! Like my Ma and dad were not at home naa, but they had left their room very verry messy.My mum, the clealiness freak ,would have hated coming back to an untidy room.So I cleaned her room real real gud rite now.Managed to finish just before she returned.
She was soooo happy and surprised to see her room clean.She wanted to know who cleaned her room(as if there are 100 poeple living in this house:D ) and I kept saying an angel did.hehee
I have to do precious little to make Mum and Dad happy when they have done the biggest things, made the greatest sacrifices for the two of us.
Maybe , as Ma says, I won't understand it abhi....
My Mum is happy.So am I.:)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

*MoonWalker clears her throat*

This is the first time I googled for some guy.
But, in my defence,he was great in RDB.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Yeh meri galati nahi ki I end up ritng stuff I did not intend to write X(
It has been a longg day for me....there is so much of work to do these days..there is alwyas something more ot be done..but heyy I am not complaining.I am happiest when neck deep in work.
I had another of those wretched Midsems today.Computer Networks.And even though I had not prepared the subject(the course was VAST) I just did not feel like studying yesterday..I mean ..I mean I dont know what I mean! I got up today at 4:30 on the morning, thoroughly scadalized by my careless behaviour!!!!
Studied non stop till 1:30....and by this time the entire course had been revised twice.
Done and dusted.
I felt sooooo nice about it.Then wrote the test from 2:15 to 3:15...Was amongst the last people to submit the answer script.Infact I submitted my script only when the ticherr threatened to leave class without the answer script of the 'lady sitting in the back row'.
She knows my name, age , date of birth, time of birth types...but she was acting oohh--soo--angrez types!!
I just finished 'To kill a mocking bird'. Its a nice book and it is after such a longggggg time that I have come across a book I really really really liked.
This is so totally the kind of book I like...sans any sleaze, sans and of those'my hubby is having an affair with his secretary' type of rubbish.
I began Mein Kamph a few days ago...infact I re-began( allow me to coin this word)Mein-Kamph...I had started rading it sme time back but somehow the book failed to make me want to continue reading it....but I think I shud give it another try...I should...the next book I will be reading is going to 'Indira' by Katherine Frank.

You know there is this book called 'Catch-22' by some Heller guy.Now this is 'supposed' to be good. I have tried reading it atleast 7-8 times and never have I been able to read beyond the first 70 odd pages.

Did I ever tell you guys about my book collection???
no??? :O :O :O
Okay..I have a collection of approximately 200 books at, no not those padhai likhai waala books, novels...fiction, philosophy and suchlike.Infact there is this one tiny room thats got books lined all along the walls....Its my own teeny-weeny chotu sa library.

My brother left for his colg a few days back.And for the record I must add that I was very brave this time.I cried very little. I tried to not cry at all and all that but you know naa..when he mum and dad go to the station to see him off .I never do that.So me and bhai say our good-byes at the gate only...and in those last few minutes as dad backs the eyes just keep looking at him, trying to drink in everything....trying to memorize his face..he has the naughtiest smile on this planet..but he smiles that half kind, half sad, half amused smile of his when he is about to leave....You know how thousands of words are exchanged without a single word being exchanged.Most of the times I just stand at the gate , smiling and waving, trying not to cry....though we don't say anything...but I knw he knows that I hate seeing him go.You know how funny it those few minutes evrything is forgiven .Everything.
All that pulling of hair, all those-moti didi chants( I am btw 47 kgs!!!), all that pretending to be a detective and wearing gogs so that I would not recognise him,all those loong drives,him finally buying whatever I pick for him at the mall...aah nevah know when you are making one:)
Sometimes I feel so lonely without bhai...the biggest things sound so trivial as I pour my silly troubles to him.You know, when I get too frustu about things I cannot share with most people I share them with bhai. And his answer is almost always the same.
A very serious and very filmi tone mein bola hua-"Mein hoon naa..abhi aaonga toh sab theek ho jayega".
I start giggling when ever he says that.He says it inna funny way mein, but at the same time I feel oddly relieved.I start believeing that things will be allright when he comes....they almost always do also:)

arre mein toh senti ho gayi!!!
Why can I never write what I intend to write??
why?why?why? milarrrd???why!!!
yeh kannon kyuun andha hain!!! milaard?!!! kyunnn!!!

okay thats me going crazy again.time for me to say buhbye.

Buybye and if I do not get thru CAT this year I shall be starting my own business.
MoonWalker Jaaliya OBC certificate printing press.
Ek nakali certificate kharidye aur ek free payiye.
Arre jaldi kihiye bhai sahab, kahin mauka haath se nikal na jaaye!!

P.S.I think I can arrange for a revolver.Can anyone tell me what time a particular Mr.A. Singh goes for his morning walk?

Monday, April 10, 2006


Disclaimer#1: Reading this post is injurious to health.
Disclaimer#2: Any resemblance to any name , place,animal, thing is purely coincidental.
Disclaimer#3:The channel does not share the views expressed here.

There is this girl in my batch who is supposed to be this great palmist.So a few days back, with the help of someone's strand of hair and someone else's gold ring, she told me the following grave facts about my future.

a)I shall marry in 2011.
b)It shall be an arrange-cum-love marriage.
c)I shall have only one child.MOst probably a boy,but she could not be sure.

P.S. her area of expertise is obvious.

Apart from that, being the palmist that she is, she asked me give her my left hand...she peered at it for along time. And said:
"You know..quite stubborn."

Me(agast): arre!!! no, no! I am the last person on this planet who is stubborn.

Palmist Friend:nahiiii..arre baba..haath mein yehi likha hai!

Me:no, but I am nt stubborn.

Class mates standing by: arre yaar..maybe you think, maybe she is right.

me: noooooo, I am NOT stubborn.
I am not stubborn .
I am not stubborn.
I am not stubborn.

Girls standing around me were smiling....
Not stubborn, eh???

Anyways.I met my very first nanny(yeah yeah, I am very angrez types!).I did not know that Geeta was coming and yet as soon as i opened the door i recognised her from 15-16yrs ago ina jiffy!
There was something just so familiar about her.Her visit brought back to me the millions of hours I had spent with her.

Some highlights...err.....lowlights...

1. I used to hate peas. So when Ma used to make rice+peas, she used to take my plate and remove the peas.One by one.Each one of them . I would not eat rice till she removed each of them.

2. Geeta used to comb my hair.The worst that could happen to your hair at age 5 was lice!!!So she gave me the mantra for lice free hair.
Just remember one thing, bitiya,anything that is good for your hair is good for the lice.Specially oil.

I think after that I must have used hair oil about 2-3 times..the last time being atleast 10 years ago.

3. She told me that honey bees grow up to become tigers.

4.She told me that if you get bitten by a honey bee even once in your childhood, when you grow up, you become half woman-half tiger.

5.She told me that if , even by mistake, I ever happened to even tatse Rin sabun I will froth at my mouth and be dead within 2 minutes flat.
Till date I prefer buying paanch sau pachpan sabun than RIN.

6.She taught me to make tomato chutney.

7.One fine day, when I was a little bigger, a woman came over.When I asked who she was she sadi she was 'mamiji'.hmmm...she looked a bit uncool but well....mami jee she was and I promptly bent down to touch her feet.Happily she mutterd a 'khush raho beta".
I later found out that she was Geeta's mami.

She used to put me to sleep sometimes.I would sit in her lap, bury my face in her neck and she would start off with some silly brainless story...:) Iam feeling a bit sleepy myself....
I think I will sleep now...


P.S.I am NOT stubborn

Friday, April 07, 2006


I had two midsems today.
When the teacher concerned wrote the questions on the board during the Organistaional Behavior test, I realised that I had forgotten to study one chapter.
As in like I simply forgot.

I wrote loads of globe.If nothing else, I def am getting marks for creative writting.There were times when I got so carried away with the creative aspect of the whole thing that I became positively poetic..started using long words...then started using words that rhymed...
Ahem again.

I am reading a book called'To kill a mocking bird' and I love it!!!It has a brother and sister duo and at one point of time the sister says,"After all , Jem is all I have"
I was sitting in the public, nagar bus, a huge aunti sitting next to me in a bright pink saree, more interested in what I was doing than in her child who was trying to get himself killed.And believe you me my eyes welled up with tears when I read this one line.Like can you cry reading ANYTHING in a hot summer afternoon surrounded with pot bellied conductors who dont really luk at your hand when you offer them the money!???
I can!!!
I mean , like thats sooooo ewwwkkkksssss!!!!!!

I felt like murdering every OBC/SC/ST student in my class today!One of the not so good academically but reserved category friends of mine has started preparation for CAT.She started her preparation yesterday.Till day before yesterday she used to tell me how difficult CAT is.
"I think I can make it to IIM", she said today.
Aaah, I sure think you can, darlin!
Aaah, I sure dun mind blood on my hands, darlin*sweet smile*

I took a break from padhai today.
I was a gooooddd gurl ,I helped Ma in the kitchen today...and I read and slept in the afternoon.
I then went on to watch TV.
I watched the likes of 'kasam se'followed by 'dharam se'followed by 'sharam se'...err..actually I did not bother to figure out the names of most serilas I sw today.What fascinated me was that the 'bahus' of these tele soaps, wear off shoulder blouses with heavily embroidered sarees for a normal family dinner.
A kanjeevaram saree and a 'mangal sutra' that reaches your knees are essentials while boiling milk in the kitchen.
The wife might be wearing something more grand than what I will ever wear, but when she has to go out with hubby dear,she will say" mein abhi taiyyar ho karr aatin hoon"


You know, amongst other things ( including pressure cookers and speeding cars) the one thing I am really scared of using is ...
(I knowyou are smiling!..wipe that grin off your face!! Immediately!!!)
I am soooo scared of it!!But I used one twice yesterday. *brave look*.Two times.
Once to go up and the other time to come down!
bolo bachchon.....sabse bahadurr kaun????
bolo bolo???
jaldi bolo???!!!

Okay its 11:35 now...and my bhai just returned from a late night movie show..He is leaving tomm so, he needs the PC now to burn some CDZ or something..I could have written a couple of ten thousand GB more ..but alas.

(Wah! wah!)

P.S. wah kya baat hai!!!okay and yeah plz go here
the anchor tags works!!!!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!*suddenly* Am I a genius????
I can make the anchor tag work!!! I have to be nothing less thana genius!!
aahh.Moon G. Walker.
Moon Genius Walker.
I have a class test in one hour but I have mugged sufficient amount of globe+have great trust in my creative writing abilities to bother much about that minor right now...
These past few days have been very weird..major mood swings have plagued me...when nothing is obvious I blame it on hormones so i guess hormones it shall be this time too!
You know what my biggest problem is???
It is that I do not like being mediocre.
simple as that!...infact I think I hate it.It is not about what you do but you should be the best in your field....that is very importnat for me....CAT depresses me..I enjoy working for it, but I don't know why but it is cemented in my head that I do not have sufficient brains to get a good B-school.
I try to reason with myself...coz I know such negative thoughts are very bad!I tell myself that I have been good academically since the second I was born, padhai is something I love, if I work hard enough here is no stopping me...I remind myself that I am indeed a topper yaar..aisehi koi thodi hi achcha karta hai..
But sadly, none of this helps. I do well in studies simply coz I slog, slog and slog..and also a bit of credit should go to other ppl in my department who refuse to study!
Maybe I expect too much out of Mum says that I should just work, nothing lese is in my hands, but I get so disappointed when I do not get the tuff quant is like this reaffirmation of what I have always dreaded.
I am not good enough!
this reminds me of a conversation i had with someone who felt that I am a narcissist.
I wish I was..things would have been so much easier for me...

for a few more grey cells..
for a little more confidence...
for alittle bit of common sense...
for a little bit of peace...
for my brain to not keep talking to me , always....
for a gooooodddd laugh..

Wish me luck and pardon the atrocious spellings and in no mood to go through th post once again...


Sunday, April 02, 2006

Two Things

2 things made be come bak in a mere 3 days!!!
1.soo many ppl have deleted blogs/stopped riting in the past few days..
Nivindya does nt want to continue with blogging.
Shekhar does nt either.
Priyank has deleted his blog!
I blog hopped to the girl who sold te world's blog and there..shez closing down too!!
(It mite be a 1st april thing but i dunno)
Anuther blog i frequent often,passively, is closed down too!!
Including me that makes it 6 people....

And i felt that this is a bit too much!!!!!!!!
So, to show my disapproval I have come back!!!

2. I am wayyy tooo depressed rite now!and riting down stuff makes me feel better...
My midsems begin tomm and I am not feeling well..:(
I dunt want to study...i hate studying when I have to study:( :( :(
I ahve been feeling really weird all morning, afetrnoon...and i know i shall continue to feel this wayy...
Sometimes I wonder...
like if I am feeling low, is it my sole responsibility to make myself feel better or like someone shud be there to do that for me???
I wish there was something..i dunno what..but something which understood me perfectly,who already knew what was going on in my mind.
something which would tell me that everything is okay.
something which could make me laugh rite now....
But all I have is a stupid ERP buk , letters in black staring at me , as I try hopelesly to mug up rubbish...
I dunno why but I ma feeling very tired.
I think I can slap someone right now!
Only problem is that there is no one whom I can slap.
okay okay hota bhi toh i wouldnot have, i know!
I hate everything rite now:(
okay..this is a bit too much!

Miss.M you better start talking sense.
dont study if you dont want to.
But while giving the paper tomm dont you dare curse yourself!! dont you dare dare dare hate yourself for not giving your best!
shut up and work!
Ther is just one thing you can do and now u do not wish to that either.

okay guys that waz my inner voice spekaing...i think i am gonna be sober for some time abhi...lemme study now!
time to take a few deep breaths....All is good.
All is good.
time to tell myself that I will njoi myself studin....yess, I will..its kinda fun to mug up also, right??
time to tell myself to start liking myself a bit more.
See, I will start at ERP till 8:30 then 2 hrs OB...thats about 11, then 1.5 hrs ERP or SPM...then tomm moring I will have time from 6 till 10:30..for OB again??
so thats going to be pretty okay, i gess....

I may nt be regular here...but


P.S. is blogging bad?