Monday, May 01, 2006

Maxxx darawani post, maxxx

P.S. It is sooooo hot these days!!! I just acme back from college and I am now about 10-15 shades darker than I was in the morning.

I am extremely brave. Maxxxx brave types. But you see, even the greatest and the bravest have their own weak points.There is nothing that scares me. Nothing at all..I mean almost nothing....err...I except a couple of things,nuthing really scares me that much so to say...err..Okay I will put down something of the things that scare me and lets see how I fare.

* I am supposed to make daal today which reminds me how scared I am of the pressure cooker.
I mean.. the kind of hissing sound that keeps coming out of the pressure cooker makes me feel extremely nervous.
The cooker starts buzzig and hissing and I panic big time.I stand next to the gas ready to make a mad dash out of the kitchen as soon as something untoward(like the cooker bursting into flames) happens.

* Billiz….no no no not CAT, CAT is my love. I am talking about cats.I am very scared of them, their green eyes and the manner in which they kind of X-ray you each time you look into their eyes…okokok don’t ask me why I look into the eyes of cats of all just happens…I look at a cat . The cat looks at me.I look into the cat’s eyes.The cat looks into my eyes.And the cat says, “ Ruchi, I need you”

Okay , I got carried away and exaggerated a bit. That does not happen. For the record lemme add that no cat has ever told me that he/she needs me. Okay now this does not mean that some cat has said other things to me.I mean no cat has ever spoken to me. I also mean that I do not think any cat has ever spoken anything to anybody.
Though , ofcourse, one can never be sure.
But as luck would have it, one billi has made my verandah her home. She prowls around and has on more than one occasion graced the insides of my house with her esteemed presence. When this happens I consider it to be my duty to jump on the nearby sofa/bed/table/chair and scream and scream and scream till either the cat gets ultra scared of me, gives me a disgusted look and walks away or my mum/dad come to my rescue , tell me to stop behaving like a 2 day old and shoo the cat away.
Now, my point is, and I plan to take it up with my parents when I am sure they will no flare up, have they evvvveeerrrr seen a two day old jump with such force and agility of a sofa/bed/chir/table??? . I wish they would say and do more sensible things.

* Next on this respectable list is the dangerous looking cow catcher. It is my greatest fear to be caught in the cow catcher . Imagine a cow catcher outside some ultra hi-fi office, of which I happen to be the youngest and first female CEO. And the cow catcher catches me. At the same time it catches , as it shud also, a cow .Now the two of us, the cow and I, are caught in the cow catcher exchanging sympathetic looks….the cow looks at me, as if to say sympathetically , arre CEO bahin, akhir tum bhi ek aurat hi ho, ek aurat hi ek aurat ka dukh dard samaj sakti hai.

Supposing , by evening, the cow catcher , having had an exceptionally successful day, manages to catch a few dogs and one or two more cows. So there would be moti , the gulli ka kutta with his girlfriend, Suji, gauri, the symapthetic cow and the youngest and first female CEO ,raam pyari, squirming ,withe their legs caught in the cow catcher, giving each other sympathetic looks. do you understand why I always tread daintily on these cow catchers…one should always be careful aorund such dangerous things.

* Bachcha logz are scary as well..but this time I have a very different reason .Have you ever noticed how terribly delicate a young child’s fingers are? How terribly terribly delicate the head appears to be? And how frail and delicate EVERYTHING else is!!!!!
Very often aunts and now cousins also, deposit their chotu bachchaz in my care whilst they go shopping .It makes me sick to the core.
What if the child gets hurt in my presence?
The table!!!!!!!! What if she bangs her head aginst it???
The toyy!!!!!!!!! What she eats it and chokes???!!!!
The sheet of paper!!!! What if…errr….umm…I mean it is very dangerous as well!!!!

Even if the bachcha’s mother is present, I generally find myself panicking. The boy is holding a glass in his hands and the goddammm mother is NOT EVEN BOTHERD!!!!! What if the glass falls on his toes, fractures it and the boy never walks again in his entire life!!!!!!

So, I am very very attentive around kids . Maxx attentive. So the cousin who is expecting her child next month says to the cousin whose baby is happliy playing in my lap while I am going crazy staring at the pillow he has in his hands,
“ Arre, anju didi, baby hone dijiye, Ruchi ke pass hi chod ke jaaya karoongi, dekho monty kinna khush hai iski god mein”

It is at these moments when I seriously comtemplate suicide.


niv said...

mazedaar post yar...hehehe!
lets see now..billiz yes..even i dont like them..they'r kind of freaky..i think itz the effect of all those z-grade horror movies..eeek..creepy!
bachchaz yes!tho not in the way u mean it..i will not further elaborate for fear of being stoned to death..u know my fear anyway!
cow catcher..!hai..never thought of it that way yar..see now this is why we have mobile fones..u bein the CEO shud immeditaley call up ur assistant..and evrybdy will rush out nd save you..and maybe the cow as well?? agar aur kuch nahi toh u can call me up nd while ur caught in the cow catcher,we can have a nice leisurely discussion??watsay?

!xobile said...

P.S. (PS text ke baad likhte hain.. pehle nahi)

mast hai yaar tu

badiya post!

Lotus Reads said...

Such an entertaining post - I had a smile on my face all through! I would have tried complimenting you in Hindi but unfortunately my Hindi is so rusty you may kick me off the blog and never let me return! :)

About billiZ, I have to agree with you. I find them creepy,too, but everyone here in Canada seems to own one, so I am getting used to seeing them around; I still don't like them however!

As for baccha logz - I won't watch them unless they're over 5ft (my strategy being they can look after themselves by then (hopefully)! :)

ranjan said...

I know of one more thing dat scares u :D, donn I :)) ?

Hehe :P, likhte raho :)..

pandora said...

oyeeee...ab mujhe pura biswaaas ho gaya..hum cuzzins hi hain.;)

pressure cooker waali baat idhar bhi sent percent fit baithti hai. main kitchen ko attack karne jaati hoon, biscuits etc urane ko...and usi time kambakht cooker karta hain fizzzzzzzzzzzzzz...and me: [strong]AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[/strong]...and all biscuits on the floor. maata ji kehti hain..cooker se darti hai...kya hoga is ladki ka! and she *wails* *wails*


amyth said...

billiz? how? they are so adorable!
oh well, that's just me. i find almost every animal adorable :))

funny post, pyari! ;)

Anonymous said...

kidaan raam pyaari
gaun mein rehni waali biiliz se darti hai
pressure cooker mein daal banati hai darte darte
chhote bacche cute hoye hain yaar come on
biili ko to baksh de
chal really hearty laugh after reading ur mail
pata laga ki ladkiyan press. cooker se darti hain
bach ka rehna bhayion

Abhishek Upadhyay said...

Pressure cooker,
I have got one. My father brought for me so that I can cook Dal Chawal in it easily.
Its nicely kept in corner of kitchen away from worldly pains, in his heavenly abode.
My worst nightmare.....whistle goes off and strikes your head....with steamy fumes hitting the very spot....oooohhhh...

Dont want to write anything more than that.

Sumit Tada said...

Small kids are too good and too cute FULLSTOP

@Alok Singh
Yeh kya ho gaya tujhe?? Mumbai ka asar hai yaa blogs ka?? Lagta hai ghar aane ke baad tujhe fir se "normal" banane mein kaafi time lagega...counting days till you come back!!

Anonymous said...

W0W!!!..You re tooooo brave!! aapko to BSF mein hona chahiye tha!!

PRESSURE COOKER!!..hehe..the pressure cookers belong to "mawali" category!! whistles at me;;) as well as my mom:(!!!

Only billiz?..and lizards? and rats? and doggies? and monkeys?

Im scared of bachhaz' mommies!!..esp wen they give a "i-know-u-want-to-kidnap-my-bunty!"look on passing a cootcheecoo smile to thr child!

All d best for baby sitting!!:)!-Ms.Happening!!!

Shekhar said...

Yeh lo aur ek bacche ka pic. :))

amit said...

nahin yaar suicide mat karna... varna we wud be missing such posts

Alok Singh said...

kya baat ram pyaari itna dar gai ho ki blog hi nahi likh rahi
koi comment nahi
billi or bacche sorry bol rahe hain
press. cooker to seeti bazza raha hai