Raat koh barah baje

It is 11:45 and I am a bit sleepy. I had written a crappy post on 'luurrvvveeee' but something went wrong , the universe conspired to prevent u guys from reading a supremely crappy post.
So, we will leave luv-shuv and the suchlike for later simply coz I have had enough of luv-shuv for a whole year tuday!

I am a sissy.
I am, there is no doubt in my mind about it now.I am scared of silly things , most of the time I cannot say whats on my mind and all that blah. No, no, no do not conjure a picture of someone who is as quiet as a mouse, quite on the contrary..its just that I avoid saying whats on my mind most of the time if I think that that might be the cause of some potential friction...

And at times I dislike it real bad . I am scared of useless things..really ...like speeding cars scare me , people fighting scare me..infact at times I find it difficult to breathe if someone is fighting in my vicinity . If you have a problem, talk it out or better still keep shut, but screaming and shouting...chee cheee

Apart from this , end sems finished..welll I am done with the theory atleast. Final year, here i cummmmmmmmmmmm:D

Gosh, I cannot believe it, three years gone....just one more to go.I wonder if I will miss college, most probbaly not...
but then thats what I used to say about leaving school and if i remembr correctly ,I was crying like a baby the day we were to leave school for good (or bad :D )
But then 14 years in one place is a lot of time. I do not miss school much as in I do not miss the teachers or the girls but I miss (of all things) the buildings!

I so clearly recall my first day in college . True to my ishhtyle ,I was sooooooo scared :D .At that point of time, a seemingly never ending sea of semesters stretched before me....and now only 2 remain .

There is one thing that has been on my mind very often of late.
Mum Dad and I.
Whether I work or I do my MBA(God plz plz plz plz plz plz let it be the latter!!!)
I will have to leave home. So then it will just be Mum and Dad .

I know I am of no great help to either of them but I feel quiet seeing them infront of eyes, knowing that they are okay.
This other day we went out to eat and as I returned from the counter after having placed the order my eyes fell on Mum and Dad. Just two people. Till sometime back we were four, now we are three, and soon it will just be the two of them.
How will they manage????

My dad refuses to wear glasses( he is an eye surgeon...but dun ask me for the logic!!) so like it is difficult for him to read bills etc, I do that for him, if I go who will do that???

The DVD does not work and my Dad hollers for me . How will he manage later??

I'll be sitting in my room and my Mum will call for me, when I go to her she'll look sheepishly at me, point to the switch just out of reach and say," switch on karr doh!"
And I am like, you called me from the next room to switch on the switch a feet away from you????
My Mum nods her head .

When ever my Mum and my Dad fight, my mum pours her heart out to me....and if I am not here, who will she turn to??I am wayy too dumb to give her any solid advice, but atleast I listen....

All this is just the tip of the iceberg! I keep thinking of the time when my mum and dad will be older. Supposing my brother stays with them, what if my brothers wife is a real b****?? these are my parents, not hers! she wont take half as good care of them as I would!
What if my brothers kids speak rudely to them.
What if they are not given enough respect?
What if they end up being terribly unhappy ?

I know, i know, its silly to think about it, but I have seen people treat their own parents real bad . And it scares me no end .
Life does come a full circle....from them being apprhensive about my future, it is my turn to be apprehensive about theirs:)

I just hope and pray that I shall be able to do all that I can possibly do for them.

I have never known greater comfort than in pulling out mum's arm and resting my head on it.
I never sleep better than when I am sleeping next to Ma.
God bless you both .

If you are concerned about the quota rubbish happening around us then please show your support for the 'Youth for Equality'.
Visit www.youth4equality.org
-------------------


Mini Bhikhari!!!

Okay I am feeling much better......and the 'he' in the previous post was NOT my boyfriend. To make things clear lemme add that I do not have a bf, have never had one and in all probablility shall never have one also!
Some things have been sorted out in the short span of time that ensued since I wrote the previous posts....

Hence and therefore this would have been an ideal time to remove the last two posts but..well..i guess I shall let them be and instead put up something non depressed ...
(3 posts in a day!!!!!!phew!!)

Well , for starters..my Mum caught my maid who has been with us for about 6 yrs now, stealing Rs 200.It was a rude shock for both me and Mum..
We treated her like family and she behaved like a servant..Sometime back she cried on my shoulder coz she had just discoverd that her daughter was having a rolicking affair with a cousin brother, and I know how heart broken I was to see her thus reduced to nuthing but loads of tears....

It sounds filmy to say this, but had she asked me for the money I would have given it to her...
Of late utensils had been vanishing, Mum's gold ring disappeared some time back and so on and so forth....
Mum used to say that it could be Meena's doing but I used to put my feet down.
And today I gaped foolishly as Mum confronted Meena.
Its silly..maybe servants are supposed to steal...maybe...
I now realise that I had put too much faith in her( as I know I put in most people I know)

So, thats a lesson learnt.

Apart from that, I had my Computer Graphics end sem today.It was a bit nightmarish..but then I guess sab chalta hai!
-----------

Now there is this book store nearby that is simply OSSUUUMMMM! But they have , I think banned me.I have read 5 different books sitting there and sadly I think they have gotten this now!

When I went there first, some seedy looking guy, pretending to be the biggest bibiliophile on this planet would come to me, and speak intelligently about the 'latest' book by Agatha Christie.
I would refuse to pretend as if I were interested and take out my ( or rather 'their' ) copy of Adrian Mole , turn to the page I had last left the book at and start reading...
The Intellectual Book Lover would hover around me, very suspicious.
Intermittently, he would come to me with the 'latest' book by Charles Dickens..but mostly he stared at me from a distance.

This continued for some time. When I had visited that place very very regularly for almost a week, continuously, and still not bought anything, Intellectual Book Lover thought it was time to do something.

So, he came to me, one fine day, with a intellectual'hey!!! look I just found the 'latest' book by Tulsi Das ' smile and said," Ma'am, you come each day, but...errr... you do not buy anything...errr...err....we are a book shop , Ma'am"

And I said ":O:O a buk shop???!!!!"

" yess, Ma'am"

"oh!! I am sorry!!!!" , I said and walked out.

And that was the last I went there.

Most of the time I have no money..i genuinely do not have money.I am therefore a mini bhikhari more often than not . ( 'mini' coz I am tiny! )There are two reasons for that---

1. I am too lazy to see if my wallet is well stocked or no. Infact most of the time when I have to return from college I end up borrowing money from people for the bus ride home.
The ticket costs me a grand total of Rs 3. And more often than not, I do not have that much money!
Thats so totally bhikharish! wow!!

So, I ask for money.
( Again , so totally bhikharish! double wow!)

Sometime back, I borrowed a grand total of Re. 1 from a friend while crossing the road.
I said," mujhe pls ek rupaya deh doh".
gosh! that sounds so much like a bhikharan!!!
allah ke naam parr ek rupaya deh doh babujee, tohar jodi bani rahe
jeez.....I can start a Bhikari Training Centre or what?

2. I do not have money! Simple.

My Mum says it is good to travel by bus. It increases resistance to bacteria.

Ahem.

Sometime back I had the pleasure of travelling with a bhikhari family.
There was Mr. Bhikari, unki Mishes, and 3 baby Bhikhariz.They were on their way to the Railway Station to beg.
The baby Bhikhari, feeling for my hungry looking eyes, kindly offered me one Eclairs.

Double Ahem.

No, don't even ask me that. I promise I refused. Tumhari kasam!

So for mini bhikhariz like me, book piracy is the greatest thing that has happened other than friends who do not mind lending me Re. 1.

Pirated books are terribly grand !!
Well...book piracy rocks!!! And for all those'i-am-so-dead-against-book-piracy' people here...
I am currently reading a totally pirated , cud not be more pirated version of Billy Boy's autobiography
tililili!!!!
:P

Am also reading short stories by O.Henry and it's an awesome collection! Fantastic.10/10.
Aaah...full marks by a mini bhikhari.....wow! lucky Mishterr Henry!

:((((((
:((((((
:((((((

He will never understand me........most probably he will never even try to.
He will never talk to me about things that really concern me....most probably he will never even try to.

Will he ever understand what that worried look on my face means?
Will he ever know what goes on in my mind?
Many years down the line will I really really smile when I think about him?
Maybe I should stop looking for something that would make me love him more.
But I cannot help it if I want to.

Ruchi(in the rubbishest of moods)

Our featherd friends
Set the alarm for 5, got up at 7, started revision at 8, revised the course twice by 1:30.Submitted the scholarship form in college.
Wrote non stop for 3 hrs(gosh!!! the paper simply refused to end!!!!!)Sat outside the Academic Block, amongst trees and bees and chatted with bhai as I waited for Dad to pick me from college..

And then it happend.

For the second time in 2 months, some darling, dear, feathered
friend, high above in the sky decided that my head was an ideal place to relieve itself.
And so it did.

ahem.

Not good. So not good.

Cut back to two months ago.

I was sitting on a rickshaw,was on my way home , blissfully unaware of the dangers of letting birds fly in the sky, jabbing happily on my cell with a friend.

Friend: and then naaaaaa , he said that he will come to visit me..sweet naaaaa?
Before I could tell her that it was so sweet that it could cause diabetes in a perfectly healthy person in 2 seconds I suddenly became aware of a certain kind of dankness on my head.Something, call it the proverbial woman's sixth sense, made me squint my eyes and try and catch a glimpse of 'something' that had just appeared on my right shoulder.

Thank God I squinted, and moved my head real slow.

I firmly believe it reduced the shock.

I did not scream, shout,jump, lunge for any bird that i cud lunge for and and and..(okay its unladylike to say these things*prim and propahh luk* ,and its my mission these days to behave in the most sophisticated manner possible, hence i shall not tell you what i wished to do.)

Instead, I just uttered a very womanly,and might I add, extremely sophisticated, "ewwwwkkkkkkkkkkssssss"

Friend(shocked): What!!!!You find it sickening dunt you! You think me and my guy are disgusting.huh!Ms Misra(meaning me), bye bye.

bang!
Okay, she did not bang her cell.She just disconnected the call.

But as most you with IQ points more than -ve 3 would rightly have guessed, Friend was not at the top of my i-need-to-go-crazy-abt-it-worrying list.
Bird-shit on my head and shoulder was.

How do you remove bird-shit from your head.In a dignified manner.In full public view of the hundreds of men who find it higly entertaining to leer at girls on rickshaws.
My lovely hair, shampooed just the day before with honey flavoured state of the art, 'kill the mice and the lice in your hair' shampoo which apparently is the number one shampoo not only on earth but also on pluto and saturn, in sucha pathetic condition...

*deep sigh!*

Anyways...I shall let the graphic details of what I actually did be( its not sophisticated, you see)
But I shall add, that I had a register, which had some paper, which cud be torn into tiny pieces, which be used to ...ahem...do certain things in a very discreet manner...

(oh, wow, that was sophisticated!!!)

So now, when today also, a similar thing happened. I was better prepared..Atleast mentally!
As soon as I realised what had happend, I looked around quickly, grabbed the first stone I could find, and threw it with the greatest force and gussa I could manage towards the tinnnnyyyy spek of black I could see in the sky.
hmmmfffff...well...i could tell others that It just nearly missed the wretched bird.

Okay, It did not help. I know.But i felt quite nice for about 20 seconds or so when a little boy came along, holding his mother's hand and pointed excitedly towards the sky and said"mummmmmyyyyy, dekhoooooo!!!!! helicopterrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

The tiny black speck was now larger.It was an aeroplane.

Ishhtory

Everybody knows you'd be wrong if you don't agree with me when I say that 'A cow is a beautiful animal'. But trust me when I say that gardens are better when it comes to looks. Sometimes I wish I was a maali. Taking care of the flowers, sowing seeds, adding manure, dirtying my hands in the mud errr... No I wish I was a zamindaarni with a beautiful garden and a sincere maali who'd look after the flowers, sow the seeds, dirty his hands and get me a gorgeous looking plot. There are only 7 kinds of flowers in this world. First are beautiful ones and rest I don't know.

But I think, photographers get more of them than zamindaarniz. Hmmm... Good point. Okay, Okay. I wish I was a photographer who could capture the beauty of the blossoms in my care. So let me tell you a small yet true tale of the photographer and her cam. It is a true story. Not recommended for people with weak hearts.

In the dark woods, she wandered alone. Oh wait! And her camera too! Both were together, yet alone! (Don't think too much about the alone-together possibility, just accept this quirk of nature).

She clicked the grass,

she clicked the trees,

she clicked the mice and even the bees. (waah!! mein poet ho gayi!!)

But suddenly, she heard a scary noise. Actually, the noise wasn't scary but she was scared of all noises whether they existed or no. More over, her camera aperture made too much of a noise in the soundless woods. She had to change the dumb thing. But ignoring the noises her camera so religiously made, she had to admit that it was a wonderful peice of technology. Joyfully she clicked this,

And this too..











And in all this clicking and admiration, she moved on looking into the camera and suddenly hit something hard. It was a gate, a heavy wooden gate made of the heaviest timberwood she'd ever seen. She was always game for adventure so she opened the gate and as soon as she did that, she realized she had reached the house of the wretched old witch who lived in the middle of the woods. She saw a long, evil, mean, yellow snake in the yard of the witch. She was scared.







Then she saw the magical artifical grass and trees the witch had grown. She got even more scared and started moving back. She stepped on something. She bent down to look at it...






What may look like a small stupid narangi or some other dumb fruit to the less enlightened, this actually was the egg of the golden dodo.

Yes ! The golden dodo!

And as soon as she went to pick it up, a wicked scary figure appeared. It was scarier than a pressure cooker !!!! Her eyes were even more puckish than a CAT. It was the wicked old witch of Wagonhorn herself!

But she did not lose her composure. And to her surprise, the old wrinkled witch started crying. She wailed loudly. She was alone. She had no one to love, no one to take care of, no one to talk to except the snakes and the trees and the mice... She was fed up with this life. This was the golden chance. The photographer quickly clicked the witch too and ran away from there as fast as she could. The witch followed her, but her athletic skills were too much for even her broom to match.

Later she found out, that this was the witch's trick she played on everyone in order to befriend the person and sacrifice him/her later. Whatever be the case, she was out of danger and was going to be rich because no one had ever captured the witch on film but it seems the witch was smarter than she seemed to be, for the pic came out like this...

It better to be a zamindaarni, I feel now. Huh!

P.S.--For those interested , I clicked the pics two days back , one fine morning when it was raining real real real bad.The post was somehow supposed to include all the pics.The witch's house with the snake is my own garden(it luks like a mini jungle, naa???). And all the flowers you see here are in my garden even as I type this.....

Welcumm to my place:)

ohhoo..maxx depressed posts ho gayi...
ab nahi!!!
:)
tomm I'll post a nice happy post.
till then bye bye and be gud

RP.

P.S.--A big welcome to the gentleman/lady from Hebei, China, who , as my tracker tells me, came bak to my blog yesterday, after a loooonnngggggg time..
I do not know you at all (though u know me very well, obviously...) but just a few days ago I was wondering if all was okay at your end and LO!u are bakk!!!!
Blogger is funny!
And I am extremely silly!
*happy sigh!*
NIce to have u bak:)

P.S#2---A big welcome to my bahin from singafurrr who visited hamar blog after a along time. There is one problem .
She posts regularly. No, thats not a problem.Now the problem is that each time I go to her blog I kinda expecta new post.
*two minutes after a having read a new post, i again go to sayeshaz*
"jeez!!!! Wohi old post!!!???!!!!"

*two hours later, no new post*
":O:O:O yeh kya!!!"

*twenty hours later and no new post*
"iz she okay?? kutch hua toh nahi"

*two days later*
":(( :(( :((
MUMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"


P.S.#3--A beeg red carpet welcome for Alok jee, who visted my blog , today, after many days.Alok jee deserves the red carpet coz, he has indeed been a regular visitor of my blog and is amongst the top contenders of the "Bestest Reader of Blogging All The Way three dots Award"

*applause for Alok jee*

*Alok jee steps out of his HUGEEEEEEE sleek blak car, girls shreik like mad, the media goes crazy, sounds of"ALLLLLOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKK" all around*

p.s#4----Welcummm to 'x' urf mani urf money !!!!!!! innne dinoh baaad mani!!!! innne dinoh baaad!!!!!!
*khushi ke aasoon!!!!*

p.s.#5: shruti-----welcum!!!!!! pehli barrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
aayeye.
baithiye
thanda lengi ya garam.
okokokokok... aapko serious waala welcum, cuz u are here for the first time :D

p.s#6: chotu singh!!!!!!!!!
meri cujjn!!!!!!!
*hugs*
aa , aa, tu toh hamesha welcummm hai!!!! after all hum donoh ki ulti khopadi hai...maxxx sahi baithak hogi!!!!

Lonely Planet

blogger is increasingly becoming a plce where I come when I cannot handle whats going on inside me and have no control over what is goin on outside....

Very few people read my blog now, the old faithfuls are also infrequent now and that leaves me with a few readers who continue to read my rubbish..
But its good , i'll tell you why.
Coz like if u have loads of people reading ur blog then expectations rise..ppl start judging you...I mean it can get weird at times....
so i like it better this way.
'Blogging all the way' is increasingly becoming my own space , and the few people who frequent are people I have known for a considerable time(by blogger standards :) ) so they are most welcome to have a luk at whats goin on my mind..

You know life is all about I, me , myself. It really should be also.One should never give nay one importance.NO ONE.
Cuz if you do that, you tend to have expectations( well..i do) and then obviously ppl do not live up to those expectations and then you end up feeling bad...
Akele hi sahi hai....
sabse sahi....
akele aatein hain, akele hi jayenge....

I am spending increasing amount of time away from people....Officialy speaking I just have one friend in college and she is not in my branch also, other than that I have Latika who calls me up regularly( thank gaawd for that ) and in trying to keep herself sane ends up keeping me sane....
We meet rarely, our schedules are funny..my exams begin and hers end types..
I wish we could get together( u know, I still spell 'together' as to-get-her ) more often..but well...that does not seem to happen..plans are made and nothing comes out of it..
thats life I guess...
Its funny..i have known her since class 7..and yet in all these years..i have NEVER fought with her .Never. Ever.
Two girls not fighting?????
thats like the 10th wonder type of a thing...maybe cuz our temperaments are compliementary...

But anywayz..coming back to people..
Motto: Do NOT expect anything.It will always hurt.

hmmm..its funny you know, till sometime back I never believed this....but now I guess i do....

Books make good friends, though.:D

Take an imaginary situation.I am in need of help.Major help.
Who will I turn to?
Ma.
Dad.
Bhai.


bus...I truly cannot think of anyone else who I am sure will go out of his/her way to help me out.....and that makes it extremely funny.
like there are millions of people on this planet but only 3 people for me...look at earth , it is sooo crowded with people, each one living his own miserable , lonely life...
But then I have 3 people...hmm...maybe a lot of people do not even have 3 people they can easily call their own.
hmm..thats indeed a possibilty.
I frankly am in favour of >2 kids....2 is wayyy tooo less....
Like if i wonder who other than ma and dad will be there for me....I cannot think of a second name....
Bhai and then full stop.

Full stop.
:D

Raam Pyari.

-----
added later.
i need to get out of this mood.
real quick!!
Life is as complex as I make it.
Life is as sad as I make it.
nuthing makes any sense. I just ned to sleep.:( :( :( :(
Atleast blogger listens to me!*sigh*

I support each student who is out there , on the streets of Delhi, being lathi charged by the police and yet fighting on...

I do not understand this.....what goes through Arjuns Singh's mind when he sees images of students being lathi charged for no fault of theirs...
You have to be inhuman to still think about votes...

I wonder how worthy the gentleman in question is of being the PM of any country.That genlteman cannot speak!
For any ones sake!! learn to speak!!!
Show some spirit.Say something!

Tata speaks and a couple of ultra enthu OBC students chant slogans against him while Manmohan looks on.

Gosh...
our leaders are rubbish.
I am glad most of the freedom fighters are dead.

but yess...
Students of the Delhi med schools rock.
they rock beeg time!

plz just ignore

I cant sleep.Everything looks extremely bleak at the moment.I feel extremely fake..an extreme looser...
I might have to work next year..I dont wnat to
i dont i dont i dont i dont
i dont i dont i dont
i simply do not
The only way out is CAT..and I ...
gosh its so futile to even write about it...simply put I lack brains.
Maybe I do not have them at all.
yess, thats the case.I do not have brains.
Now, dunn give me the-'arre-you-are-thetopper' kind of crap.
thats rubbish.
I get a gud percentage cuz of three things:
1. i slog,slog slog slog slog.
2. my teachers think i am the best thing that has ever happened to my college...they probbably think i have halo round mmy brainless head. they think i am the most responsible most hardworking homo sapien on thi splanet..i got four 49/50z in the marks that the teachers can give.
3. other students refuse to study.

so coming back to my brainless self....I am inflicting great tortures on my brainless self by riting CAT.. coz u kow wat..u need to have brains to get thru.
and as u mite have figured out by now, i sadly do not have a brain.
so this is in all probs gonna be another jee for me.....
meet me post whenever the results are declared for CAT...

each time i think abt leaving home for work my mind screams a 'NO'
i dont want to let that happen..i dont i dont i dont...
dont temme that i am doing myself no gud by thinking all this.
i know that
what do I do..i just dun want things to turn out the way i am sure they are going to turn out....
Seeing girls who were very average in padhai getting extremely gud offers I just wonder if it wud hve been a gud idea had i not slogged for the end sems here...
atleast i wudnt feel so frustrated...
atleast i wud know who to blame

i so wish i hd some brains.....
All thru my life I will slog and slog and slog.....
thats my destiny.
i get to slog
others get other stuff

i hate evrything rite now.
evrything

i dont wanna leave home to work in some silly company that will amke me work like a servant and pay me like one too.
theres no use of being positive...no use....
u begin to expect things that will never happen......
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

The eleventh day of May 2006
I did:
1. 2 hrs of CAT ki padhai .
2. 3 chapters in ERP.
3. Revised one whole unit in ERP.

I have to do:

1.An entire unit of OB.
2.One more of SPM(S/W project Mamangement.)

Its 10:10 p.m.

Today onwards no more CAT ki padhai.
hmmm..I have to concentrate on btech and placements now...cummon I will be an emotional wreck if I do not get myself placed properly !
I know it!!!!

Mountains saunter into my mind often these days.....mountains are so terribly my thing..i know it will sound silly, but i feel they call out to me...as in I pine and crave for them at times...when ever i picture something nice, it always has a mountain in the background...
I wonder why ..
Have you seen those tiny mountain rivers, their crystal clear waters.....the smooth round pebbles at the bed of the river....
the clouds enetering your room one fine morning , the winding roads, the cheap bargains , the honeymooning couples ...
Green
Blue
Brown
Flowers, nice pretty ones...dancing in the winds...
pink
yellow
purple
Horses, woolens,lakes,pahadi girls with chingy eyes
Wooden houses, women working hard, healthy strong looking people,happy faces...

I feel free when I am amidst mountains.I am a different person, I am.I feel alive.I sense life in my being.
I feel like hugging the mountains.
I love the people of the mountains.
I do not know them but I feel they are my own.

The concrete jungle I live in is really not my place...running after every half a a mark, finishing assignments , riting tests....

MOuntains...
When I am up there, I feel I am home.
simply coz I AM home.

I wonder why I connect this way with the trees, the flowers, the rooads, the horses there ...I wonder what is there in those mountains that attracts me to them soooo bad.
I wonder why I am so different amidst my beloved mountains.
I wonder why they make me so happy.

Maybe someday I will live there.
maybe....

Tired.
Hassled.
Harried.
Deep breaths.
Anything for a break.

*sigh*

P.S. To change my mood I am putting up something nice.
someone sent some shirts and a jacket a couple of years ago when she was living in a far away city .Along with it came scraps of paper, bearing details like when what should be worn and how!
I have ALL of them with me even now ( like I have everything associated with 'us' )and yesterday while looking for something else , I chanced upon them once more.
Here is one of them .




I am one lucky girl, aint I?

Maxxx darawani post, maxxx

P.S. It is sooooo hot these days!!! I just acme back from college and I am now about 10-15 shades darker than I was in the morning.

I am extremely brave. Maxxxx brave types. But you see, even the greatest and the bravest have their own weak points.There is nothing that scares me. Nothing at all..I mean almost nothing....err...I mean...like except a couple of things,nuthing really scares me that much so to say...err..Okay I will put down something of the things that scare me and lets see how I fare.

* I am supposed to make daal today which reminds me how scared I am of the pressure cooker.
I mean.. the kind of hissing sound that keeps coming out of the pressure cooker makes me feel extremely nervous.
The cooker starts buzzig and hissing and I panic big time.I stand next to the gas ready to make a mad dash out of the kitchen as soon as something untoward(like the cooker bursting into flames) happens.

* Billiz….no no no not CAT, CAT is my love. I am talking about cats.I am very scared of them, their green eyes and the manner in which they kind of X-ray you each time you look into their eyes…okokok don’t ask me why I look into the eyes of cats of all things..it just happens…I look at a cat . The cat looks at me.I look into the cat’s eyes.The cat looks into my eyes.And the cat says, “ Ruchi, I need you”

Okay , I got carried away and exaggerated a bit. That does not happen. For the record lemme add that no cat has ever told me that he/she needs me. Okay now this does not mean that some cat has said other things to me.I mean no cat has ever spoken to me. I also mean that I do not think any cat has ever spoken anything to anybody.
Though , ofcourse, one can never be sure.
But as luck would have it, one billi has made my verandah her home. She prowls around and has on more than one occasion graced the insides of my house with her esteemed presence. When this happens I consider it to be my duty to jump on the nearby sofa/bed/table/chair and scream and scream and scream till either the cat gets ultra scared of me, gives me a disgusted look and walks away or my mum/dad come to my rescue , tell me to stop behaving like a 2 day old and shoo the cat away.
Now, my point is, and I plan to take it up with my parents when I am sure they will no flare up, have they evvvveeerrrr seen a two day old jump with such force and agility of a sofa/bed/chir/table??? . I wish they would say and do more sensible things.

* Next on this respectable list is the dangerous looking cow catcher. It is my greatest fear to be caught in the cow catcher . Imagine a cow catcher outside some ultra hi-fi office, of which I happen to be the youngest and first female CEO. And the cow catcher catches me. At the same time it catches , as it shud also, a cow .Now the two of us, the cow and I, are caught in the cow catcher exchanging sympathetic looks….the cow looks at me, as if to say sympathetically , arre CEO bahin, akhir tum bhi ek aurat hi ho, ek aurat hi ek aurat ka dukh dard samaj sakti hai.

Supposing , by evening, the cow catcher , having had an exceptionally successful day, manages to catch a few dogs and one or two more cows. So there would be moti , the gulli ka kutta with his girlfriend, Suji, gauri, the symapthetic cow and the youngest and first female CEO ,raam pyari, squirming ,withe their legs caught in the cow catcher, giving each other sympathetic looks.

Hmmm..now do you understand why I always tread daintily on these cow catchers…one should always be careful aorund such dangerous things.



* Bachcha logz are scary as well..but this time I have a very different reason .Have you ever noticed how terribly delicate a young child’s fingers are? How terribly terribly delicate the head appears to be? And how frail and delicate EVERYTHING else is!!!!!
Very often aunts and now cousins also, deposit their chotu bachchaz in my care whilst they go shopping .It makes me sick to the core.
What if the child gets hurt in my presence?
The table!!!!!!!! What if she bangs her head aginst it???
The toyy!!!!!!!!! What she eats it and chokes???!!!!
The sheet of paper!!!! What if…errr….umm…I mean it is very dangerous as well!!!!

Even if the bachcha’s mother is present, I generally find myself panicking. The boy is holding a glass in his hands and the goddammm mother is NOT EVEN BOTHERD!!!!! What if the glass falls on his toes, fractures it and the boy never walks again in his entire life!!!!!!

So, I am very very attentive around kids . Maxx attentive. So the cousin who is expecting her child next month says to the cousin whose baby is happliy playing in my lap while I am going crazy staring at the pillow he has in his hands,
“ Arre, anju didi, baby hone dijiye, Ruchi ke pass hi chod ke jaaya karoongi, dekho monty kinna khush hai iski god mein”

It is at these moments when I seriously comtemplate suicide.