tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140997252024-03-18T02:59:38.411+00:00Blogging all the way...for when the river chirps, the birds shine, the Sun flutters and the leaves sing...Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.comBlogger421125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-34261638461172436782022-04-25T15:47:00.002+01:002022-04-25T15:47:30.483+01:00So what do you do?<p>So what do you do if you cannot 'make it happen'?</p><p><br /></p><p>For the longest part of my life, I've felt strongly that if you put in the right effort, you will get what you want. The universe conspires and all that, you know...It is just April, but the year has already taught me a big lesson in humility. Actually not one, but a few. Sometimes, no matter how much you try, how ever much effort you put in, you do NOT get what you want. </p><p>What do you do then? </p><p>I'm struggling a bit with that question at the moment. I think the answer is that you go with the flow. You learn to be content with how things are, no matter how they are. You find joy and pleasure in smaller things. </p><p>You understand that life is a blessing even when you don't get what you want. </p><p>You make yourself understand that because how else do you find your peace, find another goal and get started again because who knows - maybe this one will materialise?</p><p><br /></p>Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-43180982620519992102021-03-20T21:18:00.001+00:002021-03-20T21:19:48.242+00:00A little birdThere is a bird. <div>A little bird. </div><div>She lives in a cage. </div><div>The door of the cage is open.</div><div>The bird is trapped. </div><div>Trapped in a cage with an open door.</div><div><br /></div><div>The bird has lived in the skies before, so she knows that there are other possibilities. Some may be worse than this but others , some others, must be better?</div><div><br /></div><div>The door of the cage is open.</div><div>But she cannot leave.</div><div>She wonders why?</div><div><br /></div><div>Because she lacks the courage, she knows. </div><div>But will she ever find it?</div><div>She does not know. </div><div><br /></div><div>What should she do?</div><div>She does not know. </div><div>Maybe she will continue to do what she does, smile in front of others. </div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe the bird needs a bit of help.</div><div>Maybe she needs someone who will help. </div><div>Maybe there is no 'someone'.</div><div>Maybe this the life she was meant to live. </div><div><br /></div><div>What do I wish for the bird?</div><div>Two things.</div><div>Strength and grace. </div><div> </div><div>There is a bird.</div><div>A little bird.</div><div>She lives in a cage.</div><div>The door of the cage is open. </div><div><br /></div><div>There is a bird.</div><div>A little bird. </div>Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-48597569967462704012021-03-18T21:30:00.006+00:002021-03-19T09:52:29.918+00:00<p>Grateful today for:</p><p>1. A very busy day at work. I actually infinitely prefer crazy busy days to quieter days.</p><p>2. A walk with a friend. Thames, the park and the deer. Also it's lovely when the conversation just flows.</p><p>3. Bought a red dress. A red jacket dress ( while doing the 4 times table with the older one at 7 in the morning). I have no idea where I will wear it but its coming to me now. </p><p>4. Waking up to both boys cuddled into me. Everyone is holding someone's hands, though you cant be sure whose hand it is and the legs are intertwined and everyone is at so much peace. The the little one woke up and sat on his sleeping older brother. And then he stood up on his older brother. And then he started jumping on his older brother. Peace over. </p><p>5. Being reminded that sometimes it can get very hopeless and then, miraculously, you can be full of hope. It is important to stay calm no matter what. </p><p>6. Being reminded that sometimes you may think you want something desperately but when it comes your way you know it is not meant for you and you surprise yourself by walking away. It is therefore important to know that everything, even your own desires, are transient. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-33663631447839731332021-02-27T23:18:00.001+00:002021-02-27T23:18:45.105+00:00A year of no posts!<p>A friend said to me that i no longer post on the blog. So this post is more for her than anything else. </p><p>Blanket apologies to the 200 odd silent readers who still visit this blog every day even after a year of zero posts . Hello! and Sorry! </p><p>I had my covid jab today, and everything hurts at the moment. The head, the eyes, the arms. I barely got out except to walk to the post office. A lot of pending post including 2 cards made by my son, one each for the two grandfathers, a book (my book), a little welcome to the world baby gift hamper, a card. Feels oddly satisfactory to send out stuff. </p><p>Anyway, because everything hurts and I am feeling very sorry for myself at the moment, curled up in a dark room so apologies for spelling mistakes , sentence construction etc coming your way. I am probably not going to feel like proof reading this once i have written it. </p><p>Cheat post- just picked up some questions for a blog and answering them.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>When did you cry
last?</b> 20 minutes ago. Long lost families. God, why do I do this to myself? I need to see someone crying for the tears to
magically appear so no big deal I guess. Many years ago, I saw a movie called ‘Dunston
Checks in’. Something about a monkey in a hotel or something, anyway, point is
that I cried when the monkey was made to leave in the end. So. Well. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Favourite food to
eat:</b> Ma Po Tofu. And peanuts. Not together though. Not that I have tried
it. Maybe I should – one life to live and all that. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Music:</b> These days
nothing, though I did find myself listening to 500 miles the other day. There
is too much going on and too much noise in my head. While I am at it, aren’t the Proclaimers
totally legendary. They look like engineers hussling their way in, and you
think it is going to go all horribly wrong but it ends up being the most
amazing thing ever and you cant stop smiling. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Proud of:</b>
Recently finished my 5<sup>th</sup> book. It’s taken me 3 years to write this
one- more on that some other day if I can bring myself to write another post
soon-ish. Next book will most definitely be a comedy. Enough serious stuff. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>The hardest thing you
have ever done:</b> The two pregnancies. Specially the second one. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Did you move today? </b>Does
performing to baby shark in front of an audience of two little boys count?<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>What made you smile
today?</b> Older one told me that my smile was ‘only the most incredible thing
in the world’. You are crying. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">He also told me that I look little. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I beamed. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">He corrected himself after thinking for a moment. No, you
are old but you are little in size. Maybe you will grow more. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I am crying. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Are you a hugger?</b>
Hugger. Smotherer with chicken kisses. Sayer of I love yous on loop. Hand
holder. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Weirdest place you
have danced at?</b> In the tube. Long story. Actually that’s a lie. Was saying bye
to a friend. The Doors closed. She waved frantically. I waved frantically like
our lives depended on it. She started to pretend run after the train. I did a
little jig for her. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I got glares. And some smiles. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">No, I was not drunk. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Something new you are
learning:</b> Trying to learn how to play Shape of you. However that’s not
going too well. Once the restrictions are lifted, I think I am going to start
learning kick boxing. Be very scare d of me. I may be little, but i am very firce. Or will be once i have learnt kick boxing. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>How often do you
drink:</b> have never had a drop of alcohol. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Loud music or quiet
conversation:</b> Quiet conversation. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>What’s the most
beautiful place you have ever seen?</b>
The sky in Masai Mara. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>The first place you
will visit after covid</b>? India. Have not been back home for 3 years ( high
risk pregnancy, new baby and then covid) and I am so homesick now that I think I
need some paracetamol to deal with the heart ache * dramatic look*. (On that
note a team member was about to get his vaccine. I told him to keep some PCM
ready. He called me immediately because he thought PCM was short for ‘please
call me’. I had tears in my eyes from the laughing.)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Quick weird thing
about you:</b> Unless one of the babies is sleeping with me, I cannot sleep
unless I have a book in my hand, usually clasped to my chest. In my defence
this comes from a long habit of reading myself to sleep. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>How your manager
describes you:</b> LOL. No, that’s not
how my manager describes me, that’s me Lol-ing at the question. Anyway. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">‘As delicate as a rose petal.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">As hard as nails.’<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Verbatim from a manager. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Dreams:</b> Usually
have extremely complicated, thriller type dreams. There is a best selling
thriller that can come from them somewhere. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Favourite book:</b>
Alice in Wonderland. Such a cleverly written book, of my goodness. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Covid pride:</b>
biceps. Be very scared of me. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>First love:</b> Aah.
Maybe another time. Or never.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> Thank you for reading. Everything still hurts in case you are interested, so i think I will go back to Netflix and to feeling sorry for myself. </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Keep PCM ready when you get your vaccine. </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>PCM= Paracetamol. </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>R</o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p><br /></p>Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-34858688449420967902020-03-30T14:21:00.002+01:002020-03-30T14:36:15.353+01:00Jan hit mein Jari<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />
So, this is a post I was never very keen to write for a variety of reasons. And I am doing it mainly because i have been asked about my experience so many times and many friends have asked me to put down my experience on paper.<br />
<br />
I have been so petrified of everything i have read on COVID 19. I wished there was something, anything that was not scary. Hence I have just one expectation from this post. This is for that person who desparately needs to read of a case which does not scare the living daylights out of him/ her. This is also why I have tried to keep it light. Nothing about COVID 19 is funny, I know, but a good sense of humour can help make things easier, cant it?<br />
<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I will never know for sure whether I had covid 19 because they are no longer testing in the UK but if I have to bet my life, my house , all my earnings on one thing then it will be that I did.<br />
<br />
My case would be categorised as a mild case and I am insanely grateful for that.<br />
<br />
On the outset you will know if you have covid 19. You will know that something is very different. You will just know it. I did from the very start. The symptoms were flu like but it is NOT THE FLU.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Talking of symptoms, here are mine and how they progressed.<br />
<br />
Day 1: Dry cough on and off, nothing that would worry me.<br />
<br />
Day 2: I am helping my 4 year old change clothes (don't judge pls!) in the midst, simply find myself laying on the carpet, exhausted. This is weird. And completely unfamiliar but I ignore it as I am a very busy mum of two who has no time for all this dramatic laying down in the mornings nonsense. Later I am walking on the road and feel dizzy, put it down to high heels, because why else.<br />
But, as if to prove a point, it happens again a couple of hours later.<br />
By afternoon the dry cough worsens and after spending a fair amount of time on the NHS website, I self isolate as per UK government guidelines. I tell myself I am over thinking it but it is best to be cautious as I select the spare bedroom and plant some supplies I don't really think i will need.<br />
Haah.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Day 3: Fever strikes and with that comes the sinking realisation that this could very well be covid 19. I call my Mum and her voice on hearing that I have a fever will remain with me. Both of us knew that that I had the virus. The 'killer virus' everyone is running away from.<br />
<br />
Awake through the night coughing and with fever. Sleep for a bit at 4.<br />
Cloves help. Ginger + honey helps specially with those non stop coughing bouts. Body aches in funny places that i did not even know existed. Fingers also hurt. Wrists hurt. The space between fingers hurt.<br />
Breathing feels heavy, chest feel weird. It is NOT flu. Or if it is , it is the worst flu of my life.<br />
I hate swearing. There are only 2 times in my life when I have. 36 hour labour with 1st kid. Brutal post op recovery from second C sec. Have started swearing again. That makes me realise how bad this is.<br />
<br />
<br />
Day 4,5: Shivering followed by a lot of sweating. Need paracetamol every 6 hours ( who invented paracetamol? I want to send him a thank you card with hearts on it. On second thoughts writing a card seems like too much work, will think about it later. Thinking seems like too much work too. I will think about thinking also later. Phew. Let me sleep.) .<br />
Coughing nonstop. I stay awake nights tossing and turning. Listening to music. Weird combination of music. Love ballads from our very own Arijit Singh and lenka with some Jonas brothers thrown in.<br />
<br />
Brain feels foggy. I have not combed my hair in 5 days but still don't feel the need for it. Combing hair is over rated. Changing clothes is over rated. I need to sleep. Sleeping is not over rated.<br />
<br />
Everything at once will be my covid song forever.<br />
<br />
Day 6,7: coughing continues pretty much non stop. Chills have stopped to probably once a day. Sweating has stopped. Lungs feel heavy, every breath feels laden with something, i dont know what.. I feel like things are getting better but then the fever hits again. Need PCM everyday almost like clock work at 6:30 pm. Hate 6:30 pm. Almost feels like this insidious virus is working its way downwards. Chest also hurts when I cough. Feel extremely toxic. Don't want anyone coming within a million feet of me. Have not touched kids since i isolated. Have been talking to them through the glass walls in the door.<br />
1)Thank God for glass walls.<br />
2)It breaks my heart.<br />
3)Does Covid make you all hormonal or weepy? or is it just because I am sat alone in a room not able to be around people I love, scared of what may come?<br />
Folks from back home keep an hourly check on me, cheering everytime we see some tiny improvement. Friends from all across the world message every day. I am probably single handedly using up most of whatsapp's cloud space. Sid manages both kids.There is an outpouring of love that I am grateful for.<br />
<br />
Day 8: No fever.(I pumped my fists in the air when i check temp at 6:30 pm and get 36.7. I don't think I have ever pumped fists like that. I want to say a loud, jubiliant 'Whoa!' but a timid frog like croak is all I can manage.) Coughing is reduced but still ridiculously frequent. Lungs feel okay. I hope I am past the worst. Then realise that using any more cloves is resulting in swollen gums. Also have completely lost voice (which husband seems inordinately pleased about from the other side of the door. Doctor Uncle from India tells me, dont talk and certainly dont shout. Husband finds that funny. He should be very glad that there is a door between us. )<br />
.<br />
Day 9: Coughing at same reduced but still high level. Voice is beginning to come back- has this really sexy hoarse ring to it. On further investigation and opinion seeking, find that apparently I am the only one who finds it sexy. Feel deflated for a bit, but who wants a sexy voice anyway). Beginning to feel better but still feel weak. Took a walk in the room and felt like I had exercised 30 minutes with Joe Wicks (40 seconds exercise and 20 seconds break, repeat till you feel like you are dying. You would have lost 10 calories.Yay.). Head is clearer though and i begin to feel like myself. I find a comb. I still dont use it, but i keep it by my bed next to the paracetamol, ginger honey and thermometer. Good progress.<br />
<br />
Day 10: Coughing. Feel extremely weak. Lungs feel heavy. Going to the loo makes me get slightly breathless. Anyone who asks me if i have been tested for COVID in a slightly incredulous voice will regret asking the question. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE EFFING FLU?<br />
Keep reading that a lot of people have felt breathing problems start on day 10. SO feel quite anxious. Monitor every breath and realise that will make me go crazy. Watch some netflix. Work on my book. Knit.<br />
The book, my 5th, has seen me through some really difficult days and I wish there was a way to say thank you to it.<br />
<br />
Day 11: Was hoping to come out of isolation and called NHS 111 to discuss. They have suggested that because i still have the cough, best to complete my isolation of 2 weeks. 4 more days of this! Miss the kids. Okay. Miss them when i can hear them being orderly. Otherwise just put on headphones and pretend I am in college again. Have not had a lie in in almost 5 years. Maybe this is God's way of helping me. God, after all, works in mysterious ways.<br />
<br />
Day 12: I did step out today for a bit. Felt quite tired after about 20 minutes. Mask. Gloves. Touched everything with an antibacterial wipe. Washed hands like 20 times in the few minutes I was out. Scream in utter horror if someone comes within 3 feet of me. I cannot imagine ever holding the kids without being utterly horrified. Covid had messed with my brains, I realise now. See myself in my head as some highly infectious person who should remain in isolation forever.<br />
<br />
Sat in the TV room with the kids playing far from me. Older one pauses, looks at me, smiles and says ' I really feel happy that you are in the TV room, mumma'. I pretend I have something in my eye and leave hurriedly back into the safety of my isolation room.<br />
Classic case of covid hormones.<br />
<br />
Day 13:<br />
So I called NHS 111, coughing is quite less, no fever for many days and now lungs and chest dont feel heavy. And they said 'YES!'<br />
I leave my isolation room. I still feel weak, like I am returning from battle. My body feels different. But I am insanely grateful that I am fine. That I had the love and support of SO many people. That my husband took such ownderful care of our kids. I take big naps. I dont feel like speaking too much but i dont feel toxic any longer. i still dont want to hug my kids. I still recoil whensomeone walks close to me. I still yelp when my husband touches something i have touched. However time is a wonderful thing and this too shall be over soon.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-90977665738395315612017-07-21T23:47:00.000+01:002017-07-21T23:54:20.592+01:00An open letter to my 2 year old<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Shikhar,<br />
<br />
Are you really turning two today?<br />
<br />
Just two?<br />
<br />
Only 2 years since my world imploded and exploded and turned on its head and its axis and a new me was born?<br />
<br />
Just two years since you came along and in the midst of those wonderful doctors and nurses, put your chubby little palm on my face and smiled a smile that in the most literal sense of the word altered my life.<br />
<br />
<br />
I have not loved you the way i have for just 2 years? Surely, i have known you longer? decades? centuries? or i am just being a bit mad :)<br />
<br />
Even though you are little, you are oddly enough becoming someone i rely on. That day , a few weeks ago when the ants started crawling all over my leg, you sprung into action with a 'Shikhar helping mumma'. And you blew at them and batted them away like a pro. Cool and calm, like you were 15.<br />
<br />
When you wake up, I like to be around. You and i spend the first few moments of your day looking into each others eyes. Yours are shaped like a large almond, by the way. For some reason, this has become a ritual- just spend a few precious moments looking at each other. We are both smiling because we are both looking at our favourite person in the world. <br />
<br />
We spend the last few moments before your day ends together too. You lay on my stomach ( your favourite pillow in the world) in the darkened room and you tell me which songs to sing as i pat your forehead. Ba ba black sheep, twinkle, lakadi ki kathi, happy birthday to you- i sing, fairly tunelessly, and you love it. You sing along, add your comments, giggle and more often than not say something that makes me laugh. Sometimes we do numbers, alphabets, days of the week ( i ask you everyday what day it is and its either a monday or a friday. And if i dont looktoo happy, you hurriedly tell me that the Sun is out ). Sometimes, i tell you about my day and sometimes, you tell me about yours.<br />
<br />
Sometimes when i think you are busy doing something, i try to sneak into the other room and begin to count silently. I have never reached 10 before i can hear the familar ' mumma, mumma?' and the sound of your little feet pattering around the house looking for me reaches me. It always makes me smile.<br />
<br />
I am the demontrative kind of parent. I tell you that i love you, i smother you with kisses, i hug you, i hold your hand just because.<br />
<br />
You speak a lot, and often surprise me with how clever your thinking process is. The one phrase you still have a baby version for is 'I love you'. You say 'I laa loo'. But the fault is partly mine. I never correct you because there is an innocence to the I la loo that i want to cling on to. Sometimes you tell me with the sweetest smile -' i missed you mumma' and my heart melts and then when i tell you that i love you ( which i do about 10 times each day because i want you to know without any doubt that i do )you say 'I la loo mumma' and i dont know what to do. Today while i was feeding you lunch, you turned to me and smiled.<br />
'I la loo Mumma' you said without me having encouraged you to say that in any way. The very first time you said that- made my heart melt that one :)<br />
<br />
<br />
I have always loved you, even before i knew you, i loved you. However, in the last year you are slowly but steadily and even though you are just two, you are becoming someone whose company i enjoy a lot. You are becoming a friend. Odd, but true.<br />
<br />
<br />
I wish you the happiest of birthdays, my darling Shikhar. Fly high and claim the mountain peaks. I have your back. I will always have your back.<br />
<br />
I la loo, shikhar. I la loo very much.<br />
<br />
Ma.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-7746074047165302772016-07-22T00:01:00.000+01:002016-07-22T00:11:12.868+01:00Happy Birthday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Shikhar,<br />
<br />
[If you are anything like your father you are going to groan at the sight of *another* letter from your Ma, for there is about 50 GB already waiting for you to read. However, if you are anything like me, you are already greedily devouring each word.<br />
<br />
You can look like daddy but please please please love words like your Ma does.]<br />
<br />
You are One. One.<br />
One.<br />
Can you believe it?<br />
<br />
You are too little for any of it to matter ( something i am planning to take full advantage of) but for me today, one year back, life changed in more ways than i can count.<br />
<br />
Today marks the most eventful, the hardest, the most brutal, the most beautiful and the most peaceful year of my life.<br />
<br />
If i look back on that day i can just think of one moment. When the nice midwife gave you to me, you put your chubby little hand on my cheek, looked me directly in the eye and smiled (yes, smiled) as if to say ' Hello. Again'<br />
Your daddy was recording that moment and when i see the video, i see myself looking at you and saying in a mildly surprised voice that is shaking thanks to copious amounts of drugs in my system ' oh, you are cute'. My hands are trembling too and my lips are white. But do you know what, i look very calm.<br />
And do you know why?<br />
Because...there was such peace and wisdom in your little face that one look at it calmed me like nothing else could. You still half belonged to the other world you had just come from yet there was an air about you that told me to not worry any more. There was a calmness that clung to you that, in one second, strengthened me.<br />
<br />
When i saw you, i knew without any doubt in my heart that we were not meeting for the first time. That we had known each other, cherished each other, loved each other in a different world. In that one moment, magic took a new meaning for me.<br />
<br />
Though i churn out romance novels with alarming frequency, i do not think i ever really knew what it was like to fall madly in love in a moment before that.<br />
In that one second, i was transformed. The entire chemistry of my existence changed as if someone had swished a magic wand on me. Yes, it was as melodramatic as that. In a flash, I was different. It was a new me, i had a new heart and a new soul and a new life and most importantly, i had you.<br />
<br />
You will probably never understand, till you become a father, but perhaps not even then for i do believe a mother's heart is different from a father's, not better or worse, just different, how much i love you. But I know that somehow, even though you are just one, you know that.<br />
<br />
The serious wisdom that clung to you in the first few months has given way to incessant chattering and such a naughty glint in the eye that i often find myself wondering how someone as docile as me could have given birth to someone as 'natkhat' looking as you.<br />
<br />
Yet there are flashes of the wise and the sensible that shine through all the naughtiness. For example, often, ever since you were about 4 months old, i rest my head on your shoulders. And sometimes you clasp your pudgy little hands around my head and gather me into your chest. And for the few seconds this lasts, i do not know who the parent is.<br />
<br />
When your eyes search a room, i know that they are looking for me. And when they spot me , your face brightens up like the Sun and i know that for you, at the moment, nothing, no one is as perfect as your Ma. You are my world and for the moment, i am yours too.<br />
<br />
This will change.<br />
<br />
There will friends, girl friends, your own life. I wish nothing more than for you to have a full, happy life. I am also painfully aware that there will be a time when you will no longer allow me to hug and kiss you in public. I am so aware of that that even now i often smother you with kisses, to make up for all the times later in life you will push me away with a horrified glare.<br />
<br />
You are my biggest strength, Shikhar, you are my pride and you are the love of my life. Grab joy from life, be kind and always treat people with respect.<br />
<br />
Fly as high as you wish to, Shikhar, claim the mountain peaks. I have your back.<br />
I will always have your back.<br />
<br />
Happy birthday darling.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Ma.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-46040727792527212016-07-18T15:27:00.002+01:002016-07-18T15:37:59.675+01:00A letter to a soon to be Mum<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Dear New Mum/ Soon-to-be Mum,<br />
<br />
Welcome to the sisterhood. It is only the biggest sisterhood in the world no one really tells you about, but it exists and transcends age, country, colour...everything. I am almost an year old as a Mum and before i forget all that being a new Mum is all about (for really i have hardly slept since i went into labour) here is a heart felt letter to you.<br />
<br />
Pregnancy is not easy for most people. If you are having a mucky day, breathe, it will soon be over. And you will forget it all. I know it sounds unbelievable, and inconcieveable but that is the truth. You will forget it all.<br />
<br />
Birthing is painful, scary and gory in most cases, but it is OK, trust me, it is okay. And most importantly, you will be OK. Trust me, you will be OKAY. You will probably have a story to tell, a story you might tell often, but you will be okay.<br />
<br />
I know you must have made huge lists of things to buy for your baby but do you know what, all a baby needs, really needs, is your love and in the first few months, your time. I know the first few days, weeks, months are going to be very hard, in more ways than you can imagine right now but they are also going to be more beautiful than you can imagine right now. Breathe through the hard days and remember that it gets better.<br />
Madly absorb every moment of a great day with your baby because when it is beautiful it is the most beautiful thing in the world.<br />
<br />
A lot of people probably tell you how hard mother hood is going to be and you probably want them to shut up. But do you know what, i will tell you the same. I am still surprised by how brutally hard it can sometimes be and i have no wise words here. It is hard and that is the way it is. Shrug , grin and bear it. They also say that it does begin to get easier and i am craning my neck to look for the light at the end of the tunnel.<br />
<br />
You will have proper meltdowns, the ones where you do the ugly cry, just because you are exhausted or because your baby wont stop crying or because you are hungry and the baby wont settle. And you know what, no one will be able to do anything about it, you will have to calm yourself, pick up the pieces and smile.<br />
In short, you will grow up. Nothing bad about that ;)<br />
<br />
Your body will change. You will have scars and stretch marks. Wear them like a badge of honour. Be proud of what your body has done- it has created from scratch the one person you love the most in the world. And with time, you will begin to like these changes, or perhaps make your peace with them. Most Mums i know have snapped back into shape. I fit into most prepregnancy clothes but you know what- it does not matter. All that matters is my son.<br />
<br />
Almost everyone tells you how your life is going to change, and you think you understand what that means but you dont. Nothing in this world can prepare you for what hits you when the child arrives. it is brutal and relentless. It is beautiful too but sometimes you need to have slept a bit to appreciate the beauty. Yet, somehow, in some weird , twisted way that does not even make sense as i type this, it is beautiful.<br />
<br />
Sleep. Sleep is gold. Your relationship with sleep will change drastically when the baby comes along. To put it mildly, you will ready to murder to get a few extra hours. The concept of going to bed at 10 and waking up at 8 is alien to me now. All i can say is, gear up for that, take help where you can but mostly, just tell yourself that this will happen and you will have to deal with it. Also helps to remind yourself that a lot of people are parents and they have all been through this.<br />
<br />
Friends. Your relationships with some of them will change. You will no longer understand what that friend , who does not yet have a baby, means by 'I am tired because i had to go to the party'. You just wont get some of them anymore. There will be a huge list of missed calls you need to return, whatsapp messages that you vaguely recall seeing at 3:00 in the morning need replying and general catching up to do. Your relationship with some of them, however, will not change. They dont need to be mums themselves to understand what you are going through. They will come armed with cake and will even offer to babysit your baby just so that you can sleep for a bit. Some friends once offered to come and baby sit my son just so that i could finish the final draft of my 4th book. Touched me, that one.<br />
<br />
So what do i say about one year of being a Mum?<br />
I can say that i am no longer the person i was before i had my son. I have changed. I am more patient, i understand love better, my heart is fuller. I am sleep deprived but i stay up nights so that my baby can sleep. I cannot imagine another person i could love as much but a little news piece about something sad that happened to a baby i do not even know breaks my heart. I laugh more, i smile more but i tear up at the drop of a hat. I am the busiest i have ever been, i cannot recall what i did with all that time i had before having my son but i have more time to look at leaves and petals and pebbles.<br />
<br />
And if there is one piece of advice, above all else, i can give to any new mum, it is this: you will sleep less, you will be over tired, you will be exhausted. But please enjoy this time, please smile, be nice to people in the house. At times it is easy to be happy , but sometimes it is not. it is a lot easier to scream and shout and throw a tantrum and be rude to your partner or parents, specially when you have not slept in 10 weeks. Do not do that. remind yourself that this time may be hard but it is special in ways that are difficult to express. There will soon be a day when you would give up anyhting to have your baby this small and snuggly again. <br />
Smile. Be nice. Smile. Your baby loves it.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
An year old Mum.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-34216707267493726222016-04-16T05:18:00.003+01:002016-04-16T05:18:56.666+01:00Thank you British Airways<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We flew yesterday with British Airways from Delhi (India) to London Heathrow, flight BA 256.<br />
<br />
As I boarded the plane i had no idea how dramatically the flight would end and I am writing this little post simply to thank British Airways and the officials at Heathrow from the bottom my heart.<br />
<br />
So what happened was this: my husband and i were travelling with our 8 month old son. The flight was 9 hours long and S, my son, had been a tad unwell a day before but because things seemed to be settling down well, we decided to go ahead with the flight.<br />
<br />
9 hours.<br />
9 hours during which i would stare at the flight tracker to count down the remaining flight time, every minute feeling like a burden taken off.<br />
9 hours during which i would feel like breaking down atleast 10 times.<br />
9 hours during which i would not put a morsel of food inside my mouth except for bits my husband would force me to eat. <br />
9 hours that would make me shudder later.<br />
9 hours i would wish on no mother.<br />
<br />
The reason was that my son's illness took a turn for the worse resulting in scarily severe diarrhoea.<br />
<br />
I cradled my son, took him for walks inside the plane, spoke to him, sang to him ( bless Rob from the seat next to me who insisted that he did not mind my singing, infact he went as far as to say that 'loved it' :) , and he got me some fruit to eat just like that ) , rocked him, fed him, hugged him, kissed him...but he was steadily getting worse.<br />
<br />
Unless you are a mother you will not know how that can break your heart.<br />
<br />
And if you are, i do not need to say another word.<br />
<br />
So there i was, having not eaten a morsel of food, tired, exhausted, scared, worried. And i wonder now how i would have managed had the BA crew not been as wonderful and kind as they were.<br />
<br />
There was Merrisa, bless her, the only other person S would be comfortable around. Infact at one point he grabbed on to her and stroked it for a few seconds- made us all laugh. She sang 'twinkle twinkle' for him a few times and even in that state I could see that he loved it. it was her singing that brought him closest to a smile. <br />
<br />
There was Anurag who kept us going with his kind words and ready help.<br />
<br />
As things with S deteriorated, the crew did was something i will remain most grateful for.<br />
Seeing that S needed immediate medical attention, they got clearance for priority landing, which meant that the plane would not need to circle over heathrow which in turn meant we could get on ground 10-15 minutes earlier than we would have otherwise.<br />
They also had a team of paramedics ready to have a look S as soon as we landed.<br />
They even got the immigration team to come into the plane to do our immigration.<br />
<br />
The paramedics were brilliant and soon told us that an ambulance was waiting to whisk us to the hospital.<br />
The gentleman who drove the ambulance came into the plane to help us into the ambulance and when he looked at my worried face he said, 'relax now, we are here, the worst is over' and i could have cried with relief.<br />
<br />
As Merrisa sang twinkle twinkle to S, the paramedics hurried around, the captain came to ask us if every thing was okay now, i felt relief wash over me. I knew we were in good hands, i knew, like the gentleman had just said to me, that the worst was over.<br />
<br />
So, thank you, BA, Heathrow Airport and the NHS. A most heartfelt thank you.<br />
<br />
I always loved BA flights, but after the experience, i am a BA loyalist for life.<br />
<br />
Everytime i will think of my ordeal mid air, i will also think of the kindness of BA crew.<br />
<br />
So one again, thank you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-26522492621260413092016-04-07T09:19:00.001+01:002016-04-07T09:26:05.182+01:00Pregnancy <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Pregnancy is fuck-all-shit.<br />
No apologies for the swear words.<br />
<br />
The images the media feeds to you of this glowing, beautiful woman, wearing a cornflower blue tent looking at a green field and smiling to herself is plain stupid.<br />
<br />
Pregnancy is all about throwing up, or feeeling like throwing up the whole bloody day ( who coined the term 'morning' sickness, must be a man). None of the dried ginger or dry biscuit before getting up nonsense worked for me. Finally a friend got me dried, salted gooseberries and i swear i got through about 100 packets of that during the nine months- the only thing that vaguely kept me sane. On the down side, I can not smell, or taste gooseberries not without thinking of my pregnancy. Oh, and you know what, morning sickness is not just limited to the first trimester, it typically goes on till month 4 or 5 and resurfaces in the last tri.<br />
Brilliant!<br />
<br />
<br />
Smell- oh that reminds me. You cannot bear to smell anything- i remember i used to wrap a towel around my nose and face to open the refrigerator and once i woudl open the door i would run as far as i could and study the fridge from a distance to decide what i wanted, then would stop breathing and run towards the fridge to grab what i wanted ad close the stupid door as soon as possible. Add a huge belly and the running around sounds like a lot of fun, does it not?<br />
<br />
And you are changing shape, from glam you are labelled cute (how i hate hate hate that word now) and you know you look like a whale. infact i had started signing off emails with a little whale at the bottom. And this is when my doctor cousin told me i was pumpkin on a stick shape- no extra fat except the belly, i shudder to think how i would have dealt with things had i put on a lot more.<br />
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Oh and you need to pee, all the time (insert swear word, oz really, this post deserves a lot of swear words). You will ear mark the toilets when you plan a trip to the super market.<br />
<br />
And then towards the end, the whole process of turning sides will be a mammoth exercise ( you are of course, not sleeping much anyway). I cannot even begin to describe how terribly difficlut it becomes to do this simple thing. i used to brace myself and then turn slowly and most painfully, groaning out of sheer discomfort.<br />
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Emotionally your hormones are all over the place and that is fuck-all in absolutely glorious ways.<br />
<br />
And when you think about how this will all end, panic sets it, because, my darling, you will give birth. So the options you have are 1) normal birth, 2) c sec, 3) 100 hours of labour and then emergency c sec. So basicaly 1)horrible 2)horrible and guess what 3)horrible.<br />
<br />
And this is an absolutely normal pregnancy.<br />
<br />
And this is when i am REALLY TRULY leaving out the truly gross because this is not the place to talk about it all. <br />
So why am i saying all this here.<br />
<br />
The reason is that i am tired of hearing people (men) say that almost every woman goes through pregnancy, it cannot really be that tough. True, for some women it is a breeze but for most women who will be honest with you, it is a very tough time of their lives ( please be kind to them, and if possible ask after them).<br />
Because you know what: Women don't do this pregnancy shit because it is easy, they do it and do it happily, in spite of how bloody difficult it is.<br />
<br />
Respect it!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-69997604780289540612016-04-01T06:38:00.003+01:002016-04-01T06:38:54.298+01:008 months of being a mum<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Feeding solids is a whole new ball game all together</li>
<li>By the time we are done with a bowl of daal, the baby, yours truly, the bed and if we are lucky the walls- are all covered in daal</li>
<li>Today for example, when we finished with a banana, there was copious amounts of it in the baby's hair. Do not ask me how.</li>
<li>It takes a LOT of time to get banana out of a baby's hair</li>
<li>You will find weird things in the baby's hair.</li>
<li>And in his diaper. #ouch</li>
<li>I have now not slept a full night for 8 months</li>
<li>Babies squirm more than they sleep</li>
<li>You are more awake than asleep any given night. </li>
<li>You will learn the art of selective hearing #sayNoToTikoni</li>
<li>Nails grow really fast. Like really fast.</li>
<li>Babies love to scratch faces.</li>
<li>Babies love to pull on ear rings</li>
<li>Do not wear hoops if you have a baby</li>
<li>Do not wear studs if you have a baby</li>
<li>Babies have this heart meltingly cute toothless smile</li>
<li>As your baby grows your back will begin to hurt more and more</li>
<li>nothing beats a hug from your own child</li>
<li>You will learn to sing even if you never used to sing pre-baby</li>
<li>Was there a 'pre-baby' time? what exactly did you do with your time then? And DO I RECALL YOU SAYING THAT YOU WERE $%^$%^$$#$%# BUSY THEN? BUSY? THEN! YOU IDIOT!</li>
<li>You will realise that pre-baby you were just a grown up baby</li>
<li>i have in the last 8 months watched 2 episodes of something on the telly and one cricket match</li>
<li>Gloat alert- i have in the last 8 months released a book and written half of my next </li>
<li>Giving birth and taking care of a baby gives you a certain kind of confidence you never had before</li>
<li>you want the world to be a better place</li>
<li>You want the world to be a happier place</li>
<li>you have little time for negative people</li>
<li>You have little time for anyone else apart from your baby</li>
<li>Babies blabber </li>
<li>If the baby has just blabbbered 'hanuman' he is not a hanuman bhakt. no he does not know 'Hanuman jee'. No God is not telling you anything. No, he does NOT KNOW HANUMAN JEE</li>
<li>In indian malls random girls will squeal when they look at a baby. Always.</li>
<li>And pinch the baby's cheeks</li>
<li>And take selfies.</li>
<li>And get a tad upset if the image is blurry because baby was not still</li>
<li>Baby will move around in the mall patting random strangers on their hands.</li>
<li>Babies are great conversation starters</li>
<li>Mums bond instantly because they are mums</li>
<li>Sisterhood of motherhood. #fact</li>
<li>People will ask you how your HOLIDAY is coming along.</li>
<li>@#$@#$@#%#$$^%&%^&^HU^&H*&%$#@#$%@$^#$%</li>
<li>Hit them.</li>
<li>Or better - give them the baby for one day and one night.</li>
<li>Taking take of someone else's baby is the best contraception. #haha</li>
<li>You will realise how wrong it is for random aunties to ask why that girl who has been married for 3 years has not yet reproduced. Not your %^$^$%^$ business.</li>
<li>You realise you begin to swear a lot </li>
<li>Silently.</li>
<li>Your parents will love your baby more than they love you. Fact. Deal with it.</li>
<li>Seeing your parents with your baby will melt your heart. Like all the time. #PerpetualHeartMelt</li>
<li>you finally begin to appreciate what your folks did for you</li>
<li>You really really hope you were an easy baby</li>
<li>No one deserves a stroppy child or a fractious baby. </li>
<li>No one.</li>
<li>If you have a boy you realise that you will be someone's saasu ma one day. #scary</li>
<li>Your baby, no matter how small will become your best friend.</li>
<li>You will make a song about baby;s potty. Okay you may not, i did. but then i am a bit bonkers that way</li>
<li>Often the lullabies you are singing will make you doze off but baby will remain wide awake</li>
<li>The first time baby rolls over and pats you on your shoulder to wake you up will make you tear up. #MeraBetaSayanaHoGayaHai</li>
<li>The things that make a baby laugh.</li>
<li>Nothing beats cuddling up next to your baby for a snooze. </li>
<li>The snooze will last about 2 mili seconds.</li>
<li>You will talk a lot to your baby</li>
<li>Just when you know it that they are understanding everything he will begin to giggle at something tragic.</li>
<li>You will stand at the airport, baby in sling, singing to baby and swinging from right to left.</li>
<li>The utter feeling of unbriddled joy when someone asks you ki ye baby kiska hai.#muhahahaha</li>
<li>Babies are hilarious</li>
<li>Sometimes you cannot stand them and cannot bear to be away from them. At the same time. #insane</li>
<li>A lot of things about motherhood are insane. #Fact</li>
<li>Pregnancy weight falls off. It does.</li>
<li>The joy when pre pregnancy clothes begin to fit again.</li>
<li>you wonder how it would feel like to sleep through the night. #fantasy.</li>
<li>You wish you were a man and could have a baby without having to go through nine months of hell. </li>
<li>Good thing you are not a man, else you would have had about 10 more ;)</li>
</ul>
<div>
More soon ;)</div>
<div>
Not babies. Posts. Silly.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Love</div>
<div>
R</div>
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-5328453484374355822016-01-09T10:27:00.000+00:002016-01-09T11:12:16.897+00:00A labour of love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My 3rd book, Second Chance at Love, has debuted at #8 on the national best seller list. It is the first time I am on the AC Neilson top ten and as i let the news sink in, i cannot help but think about all that has gone into this book.<br />
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SCAL has been a labour of love, in more ways than one.</div>
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For the major part the book was written when I had started a new role at work and shifted to our new house. My house is one hr one way from work and I used the time in the tube to write the book. It was a special book from the very start and I poured my heart and soul into it. Bindiya and Samar captivated me, and their love story- it was a story that had permeated into every aspect of my existence. I honestly sat, drank, walked, ate, slept Bindiya and Samar. By the time i finished the very rough first draft I found out that i was pregnant. </div>
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Without sugar coating things, let me just say that the first trimester was horrible. And the only 3-4 month period of my life since i got married when i just could not (and hence did not) write a word.</div>
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As the 2nd trimester rolled on things seemed to settle a bit on the pregnancy front, and i began to think of getting the right publisher for this book. Without going into too much detail, and as luck would have it, I then started finding walking to be very uncomfortable. I did not know it then (and would be diagnosed only in week 35, too late for anything to be done) but i had SPD. SPD, in lay man's term is a curse for a pregnant woman becaus eit makes walking extremely hard. The good thing is that there is no residual effect once the baby has been delivered. When it was diagnosed, i was told that my case was so bad that i should have actually been on crutches but there i was undiagnosed and struggling, wondering why i could not even walk a little bit without such great discomfort. </div>
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Needless to add, it was not at all easy and there were times i really struggled with how handicapped i felt. But three good things happened during this time. First and most importantly, work. People at work were uber cool (and i cannot ever thank them enough) and allowed me to work from home most of the time. Had they not let me do this, I really cannot even imagine how i could have continued working given my state. 2nd, friends. They showered me with love and attention. They came and stayed with me, went with me to appointments when sid was away, pressed my feet when they hurt, made food for me, called me, texted me, kept a tab on my pregnancy, looked after me. Sid and I are for ever grateful to them and our home and hearts are always going to be open to them. </div>
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And 3rd, Second Chance at Love. It was then, uncomfortable and home bound, that i went back to my book. I used the evenings after work and weekends to start preparing the synopsis, get in touch with publishers and basically get things moving. In those long, dark days when the 9 months seemed never ending that I used the book to distract myself, to somehow not think about how uncomfortable i actually was. </div>
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Uncomfortable as most pregnancies are, but also unable to walk, I decided i would not let it bog me down and worked hard whenever i got some time on the book during the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. I promised my editor that i would send the final MS to her before i went into labour. In fact i had a long list of things that had to be done / bought/ sorted before the baby came and top of it was 'Send Final MS to Harper'. It was the beginning of July ( my due date was mid July) and i was about to wrap up the final draft. I remember feeling such a loss, almost as if i was bidding good bye to dear friends, friends who will no longer just be mine, but will now go into the world and say hello to many others and in the process belong to world instead of belonging only to me.</div>
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I had a 24 hour labour followed by a cat-3 c sec- does not sound great but for me it was a fabulous experience- an experience i can go through a million times in a second. And when the brilliant doctors put my baby in my arms and he looked me directly in the eye, placed a chubby hand on my cheek and smiled (yes! he smiled!) as if he had known me forever, in that one moment, my heart melted, exploded and changed forever.</div>
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The issue, however was that i had to go through what is, while fairly common still a major operation. I was still on16 painkillers a day and had a tiny baby to take care of when i went back to my MS to start the edits. I knew i wanted to release the book while i was India on maternity leave, and there was no time to loose.</div>
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And so the mammoth editing exercise began. SCAL is a 90k word book and we edited it a good 7-8 times beginning when my baby was about 2 weeks old. I was very clear that my first and outmost priority was the baby. There was no way anything would change that. But yes, i knew given the circumstances and my new set of responsibilities i was ready to work as hard as needed. </div>
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Most of the edits were done through the night, in between feeds and diaper changes, with one hand, as i held my sleeping baby with the other. This is how we discussed strategy, decided which brand partners we could have, how the events should look like etc.</div>
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Since then i have sat up through nights to work on the marketing for the book, cradled my son in my lap as i signed hundreds of books through the night, messaged and spoken to people about the book all the while carrying and looking after my son. I figured that i cannot do much while my baby is awake and instead of catching up on precious sleep while he sleeps, i used that time to work hard on the book. </div>
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And today, seeing the book on the best seller lists makes it all so worthwhile. </div>
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It has been such a long but wonderful journey. Yet so far I have only spoken about what i have done. The whole point of this post is the other people. I cannot begin to thank people who have helped because sooo many have. It has been the most incredible. People mailed, messaged, texted, read the MS for me, helped me during my difficult pregnancy, ordered more books than they needed, told me that they were with me, tried to help in whatever way they could. My publishers have been so incredibly supportive, sometimes i felt SCAL belonged more to the editing/marketing/ sales teams than to me, so involved they have been. We have had calls over the weekends, late in the nights, exchanged emails at god forsaken hours and people have actually been up till 2 and 3 working on this book. My mother and mother in law have often taken care of the baby so that i could finish that chapter or do that photoshoot or speak to that important person or answer that interview. I remember, in the week leading up to the release, I didnot even sit down for a proper meal. I sat days and nights, working hard, not doing anything much except for baby and book, trying my best to give SCAL the chance that i felt it deserved. </div>
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And today i spoke to a lot of you, and thanked you personally for your help. And most of you were surprised at the amount of gratitude i expressed. See, this is the thing. SCAL is not just a book. It has been a labour of love. A long, difficult, challenging labour of unadulterated love. And you helped me with it and it mattered so much, much more than you would have thought. After reading this post, you might get some idea of why this book means so much to me. </div>
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So, once again, THANK YOU. It has been an incredible experience to write and publish this book :)<br />
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R.</div>
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Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-88260664522353029452015-10-22T22:42:00.001+01:002015-10-22T22:42:51.615+01:00Now i know that<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have been a Mum for 3 months now ( already 3 months? where did the days fly?) and now i know that:<br />
<br />
1) Formula is absolutely yummy. It is right up there with tiramisu and maggi<br />
2)You can miss someone who is in the other room<br />
3) post baby you laugh about a hundred times more and smile a million times more per day than you did pre baby<br />
4) you can clean someone's potty and not stop smiling while doing that<br />
5) wearing heels is a big deal<br />
6) sitting on the top deck of the London bus is a big deal<br />
7) buses actually stop for you without you hailing them when you are with a buggy<br />
8) random people will stop you and ask if they can look at the baby while you beam with pride<br />
9) a little bit of baby vomit on your expensive top is okay<br />
10) a messy room is okay<br />
11) you can survive on little to no sleep<br />
12) the blurry nights of feeding, burping, changing begin to become less so and then ( you crazy deranged, mad woman) you begin to miss them<br />
13) you want the baby to grow up quickly but you want the moments to last just that little bit longer. you desparately cling to the good bits and try hard to stretch time. You know just know that very soon you will think wistfully about these exhausting, tiring days...and you wonder if you can bottle up the feeling of holding your 8 week baby so that you can revisit it later when you wish to.<br />
14) there is nothing that is more beautiful than seeing your baby sleep peacefully ( and then wake up startled by their own fart which will make you double up with laughter- refer point 3)<br />
15) you WILL shed a clandestine tear when you pack away the first set of baby gros<br />
16) you will well up so much more often you did before you had your baby<br />
17) you will be a million times stronger than before; you will be a million times more fragile than before<br />
18) you will wonder what the hell did you do with all that time when there was no little person to keep alive<br />
19) you will dance the silly dance to 'Ao dikhau ande ka fanda' to make the baby gurgle<br />
20) meaningless coos are precious<br />
21) tears of joy exist<br />
22) people look at you differently, with err...more respect when they come to know that you are a Mum<br />
23) you can bond with complete strangers just because you are both parents<br />
24) you will tear up at a party listening to how unwell someone else's baby has been. And you wont be the only Mum tearing up.<br />
25) most Mums will be interested in your birth story<br />
26) you will feel a lot of gratitude<br />
27) you will enjoy the toys as much as the baby will if not more<br />
28) you will know very soon what your baby loves about you (mine cannot get enough of my hair. I am never getting it cut)<br />
29) love can be very simple<br />
30) baby fashion is a bigger industry than women's fashion<br />
31) you can be sick with exhaustion<br />
32) you can have proper melt down just because you are so exhausted<br />
33) the hardest job in the world, is really the hardest job in the world<br />
34) the smiles make it all worth it<br />
35) you will show the baby leaves and sky and trees and houses for the first time (how absolutely precious is that?)<br />
36) you will be able to make him laugh<br />
37) nothing beats having your baby rest his head on your shoulders and go to sleep<br />
38) you will need other new mums (thank God for NCT here in the UK)<br />
39) you will wonder if the baby comes with a return receipt at some point - mostly when you have been up all night and after screaming for hours the baby wants play at 3:30 am- its okay.<br />
40) just when you are about to throw either yourself or the baby out of the window, he will smile and the world will snap back to being rosy<br />
41) a mother's heart is the most wondreous thing in the whole world<br />
42) you can hold some one very very tightly and wonder if you could hold them a little bit tighter without...err...breaking them<br />
43) your baby might just have turned 3 months but you will sit back after dinner and think about when he was 'little'<br />
44) you will be very proud of every stretch mark on your body<br />
45) you will be amazed at what your body can do and you will find great respect for it<br />
46) you will become song writer, music composer and singer - our fav goes something like- shikhu is mummy's baby, mummy's baby, mummy's baby. Shikhu is daddy's baby, daddy's baby, daddy's baby. Tralalala.<br />
47) you will get peed on<br />
48) you will be surprised at how much love your heart can hold<br />
49) you will wish you were a man married to a woman who was ready to have ten more children<br />
50) they are right when they say that motherhood is the hardest thing you will ever do. it is hard and frustrating and exhausting. It is also the best thing in the world. For record, i highly recommend it. Says she before staying up all night with a fidgety 3 month old ;-)<br />
<br />
PS Ignore the typos and grammar errors- i have not slept for 3 hours straight since i went into labour three months ago.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-34731151384777132942015-08-11T19:47:00.002+01:002015-08-11T19:47:16.809+01:00To my ginger haired anaesthetist<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My birth plan began with a (fairly long) list of things i was petrified of. Of these two were related to the epidural- one was that i would have to wait for hours to get it (London hospitals are infamous for this) and the other was that it would not work well ( more than a fair share of girls i know have howled in pain in spite of the epidural ).<br />
<br />
When i finally requested an epidural, my midwife (god bless her, she was an angel from the heavens above and reinstated my belief that while giving birth if you have a decent midwife, you really really do not need anyone else) breathed out in relief.<br />
' Thank God, finally!' she mumbled in her Dutch accent.<br />
<br />
Keeping in mind how notorious the anaesthetists are in getting to the patients, i had mentally prepared myself to deal with the pain for at least another two hours before help came.<br />
<br />
So when I saw her first about 10 minutes after i requested an epidural, the winds picked up, white pigeons arrived in hundreds and musicians appeared.<br />
<br />
The lady who the midwife introduced as the anaesthetist was tall and broad but not in an unfeminine way. Good looking ( though not in the traditional way), with a pixie like face and round black eyes, she moved around with the ease of someone who knows her work very well. I found myself relaxing instantly. It was a few minutes later, as she explained how the epidural worked ( i knew all of it ofcourse, muhahaha) that i noticed it. Her hair was ginger. So my anaesthetist is a ginger haired lady with a pixie like face, i thought to myself.And even as another contraction hit me, i found myself smiling.<br />
<br />
She administered the epidural in the midst of jokes and easy banter. And it worked like an absolute dream. I thanked her profusely and mentally crossed off one thing i was fearful of from my list.<br />
<br />
The little incident i want to talk about did not happen in the labour room- i met my anaesthetist again, in the OT this time, as they prepped me for my c-section.<br />
<br />
( When about 10 minutes earlier a serious faced doctor had pulled his chair close to me and mumbled ' I am really sorry, i have bad news. I do not think a normal birth is an option for us now, we will, sadly, have to do a c-section' I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to not start grinning with unbridled joy. I desperately wanted a c-sec and had I not been under an epidural, i would have broken into an impromptu bhangra. Instead i nodded my head sadly, and then , under the amazed gaze of the doctor, asked my Mum to hand me my makeup bag. One has to worry about the pics with the new baby, no matter what after all.)<br />
<br />
In the OT, while i joked and laughed, i was at some level extremely petrified- it was after all the first time i was in an OT that was not my father's. As the anaesthetist, who made a huge game out of the whole process, topped my epidural, I began to shake- a common side effect of such high doses of epidural. The shaking, though of no trouble on its own, made me extremely nervous and at one point i told my anaesthetist that i did not think i could breathe.<br />
<br />
'Darling' she said smiling ' you just took in a large breath to say that'<br />
<br />
As things began to happen, whilst i remained fairly calm and continued my salvo of really bad jokes, i found myself clinging to Sid's hand literally for dear life. I told him in very clear terms that he was not allowed to let go of my hand even for a second. Poor Sid, a little white faced because, well, he had never before held his wife's hand as the doctors cut her open to deliver his child, nodded his head. And we chatted as the team of doctors worked, almost like we were in a cafe, chatting over cups of steaming coffee (only we were not). We spoke mostly about my third book; i told him about the characters and the rattled off pretty much the first chapter word for word from memory.<br />
<br />
And then my baby was born.<br />
<br />
A hearty scream that warmed the cockles of my heart reached me and one of the doctors pulled down the curtain and presented to me , with great flourish, a red/ purple weird little thing that I guessed was my baby.<br />
<br />
They took him away to clean him and i felt Sid's hand pull away from mine.<br />
'No! You cannot go!' i shouted. Not because i did not want him to go see our son, but simply because i was so sure that the world would end if Sid were to leave my hand. In my head it was non- negotiable. No, he could not leave my hand.<br />
<br />
So Sid stood there, holding my hand, craning his neck to look at our just born son who was with my midwife.<br />
<br />
Thats when the anaesthetist spoke up.<br />
'Sid' she said ' why don't you go and have a look at your son. I will hold her hand'<br />
Sid looked questioningly at me and i reluctantly nodded my head. I was already in Mother India mode and thought that our son was, after all, with strangers at the moment and needed atleast one of us close to him.<br />
<br />
And so my anaesthetic came around to me, bent low, used one hand to hold both of mine tightly and then to my surprise, placed her cheek next to mine, almost pulling me in a firm embrace.<br />
<br />
We stayed like that, cheek to cheek, the Indian patient lying on the table and the ginger haired anaesthetist bent low next to her for a good 7-8 minutes. She spoke to me the whole while, telling me what the surgeon was doing and that all was going as per plan and that i was doing really well. Her soothing voice and firm embrace put together helped my breathing normalise, and while the shaking continued, it did not feel as scary as before.<br />
<br />
It was only when Sid returned that she literally 'handed' me over to my husband.<br />
<br />
'The worst is past, brave, beautiful girl' she mumbled letting go of my hand referring to the fact that the operation was almost done.<br />
<br />
I looked up and saw that my tears from when i had seen my pink/ purple baby for the firs time had stained her cheeks too.<br />
<br />
'Thank you' was all that i could trust myself to mouth silently, so overwhelmed was i by her kindness.<br />
<br />
In return, i got a thumbs up sign and a cheerful smile that made her eyes twinkle.<br />
<br />
<br />
So, dear ginger haired anaesthetist, ( you are probably right now in your scrubs helping another scared Mum) every time I am going to think about the birth, and if the last three weeks are anything to go by - its going to be often, i am going to send a silent, heart felt thank-you your way. Almost 3 weeks since the operation, and i find myself still too overwhelmed by your kindness to really say anything more.</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-13882344036066948582015-08-01T23:44:00.000+01:002015-08-02T00:59:59.931+01:00The Positives of being Pregnant<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A friend, a new mum, told me once that the best thing about her pregnancy was that it was now over and that she had her baby in her arms. And i will have to completely agree. If i were to be honest, pregnancy is hard work, it is more difficult than you would imagine. And no, just because everyone around you has been pregnant, it does not mean that it is easy! Women don't do it because it is easy, they do it in spite of how tough it can be! It is very taxing on the mum's body and no one apart from you, the pregnant mum-to-be, will truly get what you are going through. Let me doff my hat right now to women who do this more than once- well done to them!<br />
<br />
Some people do have a very easy pregnancy and for your sake, i really hope you will be one of them. I personally did not really fall in love with being pregnant but this post is not about that. It is , instead about what can be good during the tough 40 weeks. There is very little material about the good in being pregnant and i want to write about the positive and fun stuff. Here are few of the things i liked:<br />
<br />
1) You get more attention than you have probably ever gotten before. Friends, family, husband- they will all be extra nice to you!<br />
<br />
2) The pregnancy glow- some get it and some don't, but those who do, you will look so much better than you did before getting pregnant in which case, just take a LOT of pictures ;). No matter how miserable i actually felt, the glow was absolutely unmistakable and at times very misleading. I remember an appointment with my GP who listened to all my complaints about how miserable i had been feeling, paused, thought and then said ' but, you are glowing!'<br />
Ugh.<br />
<br />
3) The baby kicks- difficult to describe the feeling- you have to experience it to know it and at some stage in your pregnancy the baby will indeed become so big that the kicks will begin to hurt and you will transition from 'awww' to 'O.U.C.H' very quickly. They, will however remain incredibly special and will somehow become your way of communicating with the baby.<br />
<br />
4) In a place like london where people keep to themselves, random people will come and talk to you, ask after the baby and just be really, really nice. I had people stop their cars to let me cross the road, let me go ahead in queue, at one point a restaurant actually got me food in the waiting area because i was pregnant. Also, once, as i waddled along the road, a man slowed down his car, rolled down his windows and shouted a 'congratulations for the babbyyyy'. This delivery guy once sat down and spoke to my bump for a good 5 minutes while i stared disbelieving.<br />
<br />
On the flip side, I also once had a little girl throw a massive (and loud!) tantrum in the bus because she wanted to see my bump and i refused to pull up my dress to show it to her. ;/<br />
<br />
5) You are welcomed into the world's biggest club that you never knew existed- the parents club.<br />
<br />
6) You will bond with your bump and your baby in your own special way. I don't know if 'super-bonded' is a word or no, but that is exactly how i was with my bump. I was confident that he listened to me, he did things i asked him to do and stopped doing things when i wanted him to stop. I was also oddly very very very very confident that my baby would never let anything really bad happen to me and that was the main reason why i was so relaxed before (and about) the birth. And it worked- i had an easy birth that was actually the best experience of my life! During my labour and delivery i experienced more kindness from strangers than i have ever before in my life. There are atleast 3 different people, all strangers i will probably never meet again, of whom i cannot think of without tearing up with gratitude.<br />
<br />
7) There is something really special about sharing the baby's kicks with the husband, the parents and close friends. I will never forget the expression on a friend's face when she felt my baby kick. It was the first time she had touched a pregnant belly and of course the first time felt a foetus kick. The shock, surprise and excitement on her face was absolutely precious.<br />
<br />
8) A LOT of people will tell you how beautiful you are looking. :) I am not a fan of the pregnant body, but if you are lucky with the hormones, be ready to oddly, inspite of putting x kilos, feeling truly beautiful!<br />
<br />
9) At some point in time you will plead with your husband to help you with the nail paint on your toes not really expecting him to. But he will sit patiently and do your nails.<br />
<br />
10) You will have to just ask and the husband will lather cream on your legs simply because you are too huge to do it on your own<br />
<br />
11) At some point in time, your husband will , without being asked, bend down and put your shoes on for you and then tie the laces.<br />
And from then onwards, you will begin to wait at the shoe rack for the husband to come and put on your shoes for you.<br />
<br />
<br />
12) You will be secretly very very very pleased at how huge your bump will become towards the end of your pregnancy. Pleased and proud. I know silly and difficult to imagine, but it will happen to you.<br />
<br />
13) You will find yourself talking to your baby very often. And they will be delightful conversations.<br />
<br />
14) Tantrums are acceptable. I remember i was once crying for no reason and Sid was being indulgent. Then i started crying harder because i was getting tired of crying and then i started crying even harder because i wanted to keep crying but i knew i would soon get too tired to cry. Sid had the wisdom to turn around and laugh else i would have hit him.<br />
<br />
15) People will help. Towards the beginning of y 3rd trimester, my husband had to go away for 10 nights and i knew that for once, i could not, just could not be alone. My mum had broken her hand and could not come so i turned to friends. And boy, did they help! They came with packed suitcases and (bless them) even little gifts and made sure i did not have to stay alone a single night. Similarly, because i had been feeling so rubbish, I did not want to take on the burden of throwing a baby shower. Friends jumped in. One got Sid to convince me to just say yes to the event, she said she will take care of EVERYTHING else. Her Mum (bless her) even made 2 different types of snacks for the shower. Another friend completely took over the food, another drinks, another cooked more stuff, another two took over the decoration...they showered me with so much of love and affection that i know i will forever be indebted to them all! Not only that, friends who are like family for us expats, will call/ message/ drop in to ask after you. Infact closer to my due atleast 3 of my friends had at one point or the other ( I was 4 days over due) put me on an HOURLY watch! Spread across the world, they were in touch each day towards the end and given how difficult pregnancy can get at that point in time, it really meant so much!<br />
<br />
16) Pregnancy will bring you closer to some people (and possibly take you away from some people too)- I finally understood what my Mum (and mother in law) had gone through to bring me (and my husband) into the world and it made to look up at them with greater respect. My sil, who is a doctor, was in continuos contact from the beginning to the end, each day asking after me. It was nice and sweet and incredibly special to have these three women as support even if they were in a country hundreds of miles away.<br />
<br />
<br />
17) Closer to your due date, every one in the house will drop everything and rush to your side even if you as much as groan. You might find yourself faking a groan just to see their reaction.<br />
<br />
18) Closer to your due date, you will be inundated with messages from all and sundry with the same question- 'kutch hua?' and you will go mad telling everybody ki kutch nahi hua! Enjoy that attention too, its really the last time in a very long time that you will get that much attention for once the baby comes, it is all about him/ her and rightly so!<br />
<br />
19)And when labour starts, it is actually fun to finally be able to send the 'Its happening!' message.<br />
<br />
20) And last, though you will not, you cannot, feel the sort of love you will feel for your baby once he/she is in your arms, you will still be hit with waves of love for the heaving, squirming bump that are more powerful than anything you have experienced yet. And then the baby actually arrives. And you understand, for the first time ever in your life, what love truly is.<br />
<br />
While i cannot tell you that pregnancy is easy, that would be a lie, and i am very very glad mine is behind me, I can tell you without any doubt that in the end, it will all be worth it.<br />
<br />
It WILL all be worth it!<br />
<br />
Love<br />
R<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-79674684750085533022015-07-18T22:30:00.002+01:002015-07-18T22:30:56.273+01:00A tiny little incident...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A tiny little incident. I wanted to buy an Oreo Milkshake from Ed's but I wanted to share it with Mum who is visiting from India. So i asked for a spare plastic container with a straw.<br />
<br />
The waiter who was serving me was a kind looking young man with an easy smile and heavily tattooed arms. We had a brief chat about the tattoos and then he asked me to sit as i waited for the shake to arrive- an offer i took up gratefully. He then came to me a few minutes later and asked me if i wanted some water. I politely said no.<br />
<br />
Soon my order was ready.<br />
<br />
He came to me with the shake and the spare container. I smiled as i took them from him.<br />
<br />
'Thank you' i said, about to leave.<br />
<br />
'No problem' he said and then paused and then asked smiling ' Are you happy?'<br />
<br />
I smiled.<br />
<br />
'Yes, i am ' i said.<br />
<br />
He smiled widely, a warm, genuine smile.<br />
<br />
'I am happy that you are happy' he said simply, meaning it, before he about turned and got back to some other customer.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-14172295795891387692015-04-25T17:14:00.002+01:002015-04-25T17:14:42.897+01:00Random update post<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Since it has been ages since i wrote here, lets do a random post:<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>London is sunny and stunning these days. Lucknow has and will always remain home for me, but London is finally becoming a close second. After half a decade here, i have finally begun to fall in love with most things London and i think i can safely say that now i get the British sense of humour.</li>
<li>Apart from making peace with the British sense of humour, I finally have a decent relationship with British television - there are a few programmes that i now actually look forward to watching and it is so refreshing!</li>
<li>Talking about the weather, you will not believe how much the whole city changes when the Sun comes out.</li>
<li>I have been doing up my house these last few months and it can be SO stressful. Matching the grey to the green. Arrgghh! I dont think i will ever be done, but miracles of miracles, if i ever am done, i will share pictures on the blog for sure.</li>
<li>I am about to complete 5 years in the corporate world and of that i have worked in India for only 6 months. Almost zero experience of working in India- i find it so weird to believe that, given that ALL my education was in India.</li>
<li>I am, of course, juggling a gazillion things, but then what is new in that and i would not want it any other way. Busy bee yet again with a seriously wide variety of projects lined up for this year.</li>
<li>I am working quite hard on my third book and i have to say it is my favourite book so far...I can barely not think about the main characters- I am so besotted with them. Someone very wise once told me that pieces of art have their own destiny as well, you can only do so much and then you have to let them go and find their own destinies. i think it is very true about books, particularly if you are not one of those authors who are going around buying spots in book stores and best seller lists. Keep your best wishes coming, i really need them.</li>
<li>It has been six months since i went to India last, and i miss it terribly. The next trip planned is a Diwali trip - for the first time in my life it will be more than a year without a trip to India. Meh.</li>
<li>These days I have been listening to a lot of Beethoven and Mozart and (surprisingly) I love it! Give it a try if you have not already.</li>
</ul>
<div>
More later sometime :)</div>
</div>
<div>
R</div>
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-72000329744880447732014-11-07T09:50:00.000+00:002014-11-08T10:30:05.050+00:00Nani<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Written in a train in India:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am in a train that will whisk me to Delhi. In a couple
of hours I will be on a plane heading back to London.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to grey, bleak London. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The noise and the chaos and the love and the affection- all
left behind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I came to India looking forward to two things and dreading a
third.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The two things I came for were Diwali and the launch of my
second book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What fate held in store for Nani (my maternal grandmother)-
that I was dreading. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Diwali happened. The book was launched not once but twice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt; tab-stops: 267.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And we lost Nani.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All in a matter of a few days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
The thorn lies next to the rose. The rose lies next to the thorn. And such is life...<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To go up on stage and laugh and joke and talk about my book
when all I could think about was Nani’s death was one of the toughest things I
have ever had to do. But I did it, not only because it was the professional
thing to do, but also, as cliché as it may sound, I felt that was what she
would have wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nani is gone now, never to return. The finality of it all is
difficult to come to terms with but we have the satisfaction of knowing that she
lived a long and happy life (she was 92 when she passed away). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She died in the same room she had been brought
into as a brand new bride a gazillion years back. A red bindi, a symbol of a
married Hindu woman adorned her forehead when she breathed her last.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her demise has made me think a lot about death. At some level I
feel convinced that it does not all end when we die; that there is a great, fun
adventure awaiting us on the other side of life; that Nani is thoroughly
enjoying hers and chuckling to herself as I type this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I also feel that I now have someone up there, next to God
who will listen to me when He is too busy sorting out the rest of the world.
That image gives me a lot of courage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know Nani spoke often about my books. She was very proud
that I write and very touched that I had thanked her in my first book. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what Nani liked most was to have a full
house. A house that burst at the seems with her 7 kids, 14 grand children and 7
great grandchildren. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At her memorial service as I stared at the hundreds of people
who came to pay their respects, I realised that Nani had done it once more. All
of us (most of us, atleast) were there, under the same roof, together. My uncles, aunts, cousins and parents bid her her final goodbye with a lot of dignity and
respect and as a mother, I know she must have been very proud.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My cousin made a montage of sorts for Nani that day. We
switched off the lights and huddled into a darkened room to watch it. Image
after image of Nani appreared on the screen. Nani looking stronger than I
remembered, younger than i could have imagined, more serious than she was in her last few months. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Images that contained bits of a life now gone forever, preserved in those (now priceless) pictures. When we
switched on the lights, there was not a dry eye in the room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today in the train, as it chugs to Delhi Railway Station, sitting next to me is a thin, wrinkled , yet oddly robust looking retired Army
officer. He says he is 94. I have been helping him with whatever it is that I
can- simple things really- opening the food packets, helping him walk, simply talking to him etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few minutes back completely out of the blue, he turned
around, folded his hands and with a warm, kind smile blessed me and told me that he is very grateful for my help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">‘No, No’ I said hastily ‘ its my pleasure. And really, to be
honest, I am helping you for very selfish reasons. I have four grandparents ,
all of them your age. If I help you, maybe someone will help them when they
need help’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then I stopped short, as another unexpected wave of
grief hit me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">‘Not four anymore’ a soft voice inside my head said to me
reminding me yet again of the void that Nani has left behind in many lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEqa4kqi-BTMawEKMv1RdbjBLkelrUtlyl8Iz7Zzb0YhhGSkEpBSuHxZDwiDpVVUes6tsvIPoAHCH7v1znzrNmS6KJQhT1PtYZnvtPTnZye2keoRNM3P_OdYFCFV5kk3V87ycF/s1600/nani.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEqa4kqi-BTMawEKMv1RdbjBLkelrUtlyl8Iz7Zzb0YhhGSkEpBSuHxZDwiDpVVUes6tsvIPoAHCH7v1znzrNmS6KJQhT1PtYZnvtPTnZye2keoRNM3P_OdYFCFV5kk3V87ycF/s1600/nani.jpg" height="262" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<o:p>In Nani's honour, putting up a pic of us together a few months back. This is the first time in almost a decade that I have shared a picture of myself on the blog.</o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rest in peace, Nani, and come back to us as you promised me
multiple times the last time we met. I wait patiently to meet you again in a few
decades.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-64714356879450297552014-10-13T22:52:00.001+01:002014-10-13T22:52:29.738+01:00Why everyday HAS to be awesome!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
What was awesome today?<br />
For me it was my swimming class. <br />
The long walk in the drizzle with red autumn leaves lining the pavements<br />
The unexpected help from many people for the second book<br />
The conversations with Ma, Chacha, Bhai and Neha.<br />
The husband cooked.<br />
<br />
<br />
Everyday has to have something awesome. It does not need to be great. It just needs to be awesome.<br />
<br />
What was awesome today? :)</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-55875788022757907162014-09-16T18:43:00.001+01:002014-09-16T22:53:53.623+01:00Happy Birthday Chotu<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This other day I woke up and looked around, very relaxed (a rarity for the hyper anxious me). I knew what I was looking for. I was looking for the prettiest face in the world. Dark hair pulled back in a low bun, a big red Bindi on her forehead, kajal in her eyes, smile on her face.<br />
<br />
The first face you want to see when you wake up.<br />
<br />
Mum would be around somewhere, doing something. The room would be spotlessly clean. I will call out and she will come.<br />
<br />
I am vaguely aware that I am 6-7 years old and in Lucknow.<br />
<br />
Only I am not.<br />
<br />
I am in London and a lot older than 7. It takes me a few moments to orient myself and then I feel gobsmacked. Where did that come from? Almost as if something had taken me back into time for a few precious moments. Mum has short hair now. She rarely wears a saree and the big red bindi has given way to a smaller one. <br />
I have not thought about our life from back then in years. <br />
<br />
As the moment passes, I lay back and try to recall how relaxed I had been feeling a few minutes back. I had not felt that way in months. Maybe years.<br />
<br />
Mum, my Mum. Even a flashback makes everything okay.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
For most girls their mothers are the best.<br />
<br />
Mine really is.<br />
<br />
No, really, she is.<br />
<br />
<br />
I have, over the last few years, mostly through conversation across continents, come to know her better than I did when I lived with her growing up in Lucknow. It is one of the benefits of growing up, you know, you get to know your parents as people. Not just as your bank or your cook or your chauffer or as the invisible hand that helps you out when you need some picking up. But as people with hopes and aspirations and fears and their own battles.<br />
<br />
And what I have figured about my Mum is nothing short of extra ordinary.<br />
<br />
She is an odd combination of contradictions.<br />
<br />
She wont be able to say no to the help at home, yet she will find in herself, again and again, the strength to go against everyone in the room to stand for what is right and with those who need help. I have seen her take tough decisions that can only cause her trouble but might help people she loves. And honestly, i have rarely seen anyone else behave in as selfless a manner as she can. <br />
<br />
If someone is upset, even though it is the other person's fault, she will try her best to make things okay. I tell her she needs to be strong. And then my father has an emergency brain surgery and she is the only one who has her wits about herself. And I wonder if I can ever be as strong as her.<br />
<br />
She is not a manager in a fancy office, but she project manages complex situations at home better than most people I know would ever be able to. Daily wage workers who come to work at our house love her. One of them, many years ago, liked Mum so much that he decided (and we let him) to work for us. He was with us for a couple of years, went back to hi village and then came back. And then there was this one guy who took to calling her Mummy. I still cant help but smile at the memory.<br />
<br />
She choses to not react when the easiest thing would be to kill the person in front of you. Yet when she loses her temper, God alone can help you.<br />
<br />
I have seen, not once, not twice but hundreds of times, people come to her just to get good sensible advice. And now when someone asks me for advice there is only one question I ask myself ' What would Ma say?'<br />
<br />
She is the strongest person I know. She is the gentlest person I know. She can be the clown that entertains and the wise sage that enlightens.<br />
<br />
And boy, can she forgive. She forgives people for being petty, selfish and rude. For having made her life hell. For having denied her things she had a right to. ' They are just being ignorant' she says sagely to me on the phone while I grind my teeth and fanatsize about how I would have given that person a taste of his/her own medicine had I been there.<br />
<br />
Sometimes when she is saying all those wise things, things that are so wise that for some moments everything makes sense, I wish I can record them. Record them and keep them safe in a locker under the sea where no one can touch them. Just so that they will always stay with me. People often tell me that I say wise things. I am mostly just quoting my Mum.<br />
<br />
I know my Mum is my mum, I also think, she is now her mother's Mum as well. And is mother-like for a few others too. <br />
<br />
That I am sane is because of her. That I can be strong (Sometimes atleast) is because of her. That I am, is because of her.<br />
<br />
Life has many challenges, but I move through it stronger and steadier simply because my Mum is my Mum.<br />
<br />
You matter, Ma, matter so much. For some of us, you are, even now, the one person around whom the world revolves.<br />
<br />
Happy birthday.<br />
<br />
Your Luchita.<br />
<br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
In other news, my second book is about to be released. Pre-order your copy <a href="http://www.amazon.in/I-Do-Ruchita-Misra/dp/9351363325/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410904376&sr=1-1&keywords=ruchita+misra" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCs8lz2VgZP-oAFx1kZnyiZTsLm1kavEwA4SCMbWjIB5Vb6YSa8rftVABHaAy70dQQ0ndtlr-gA3KRTeb_cZzHpL4UT7WY6s9RW2FJ9oQVGRVS17wnXSMh6BSMfnqr11Swagdm/s1600/Just+cover.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCs8lz2VgZP-oAFx1kZnyiZTsLm1kavEwA4SCMbWjIB5Vb6YSa8rftVABHaAy70dQQ0ndtlr-gA3KRTeb_cZzHpL4UT7WY6s9RW2FJ9oQVGRVS17wnXSMh6BSMfnqr11Swagdm/s1600/Just+cover.png" height="320" width="230" /></a></div>
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</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-88200575085690580372014-09-10T17:45:00.003+01:002014-09-10T17:45:57.822+01:00Blog marathon #2 : 'After all, meri shadi hone wali hai'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidCt8RzdNYvSy6PqkKadLg8BxYDuR_eOwKKzZizqlvyvUF02LvTcAacOjxn_IgDhiebKYp7j2WQLeJyPn8WfjyF3QLlmjweUGbi4VcnRIHVGGD7XL7bXzglP8z2pKMauvNT6G3/s1600/Just+cover.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidCt8RzdNYvSy6PqkKadLg8BxYDuR_eOwKKzZizqlvyvUF02LvTcAacOjxn_IgDhiebKYp7j2WQLeJyPn8WfjyF3QLlmjweUGbi4VcnRIHVGGD7XL7bXzglP8z2pKMauvNT6G3/s1600/Just+cover.png" height="320" width="230" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
While IDDI (if you have not pre-ordered IDDI yet, <a href="http://www.amazon.in/I-Do-Ruchita-Misra/dp/9351363325/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410211301&sr=1-1&keywords=ruchita+misra" target="_blank">here</a> is the link) is about a lot of things like love, family, trust, friendship (and we will talk about all these things), it is primarily the diary of the bride to be. A bumbling, fumbling bride to be.<br />
<br />
This book becomes relevant to you if <br />
1) you got married within the last decade<br />
2) might get married within the next decade<br />
3) are a guy and 1 or 2<br />
4) either girl or guy but have decided never to marry<br />
5) either girl or guy and very confused about marriage<br />
<br />
If you do not belong to the above four categories please don't waste your money on the book- that is my humble advice.<br />
<br />
Extract from emails I collected from people I know personally (reproduced here with permission, names changed and all that jazz needed to protect identity)<br />
<br />
' I loved my fiancé but the moment I got married, I started looking at every other guy, wondering if I should marry him instead of my fiancé! And I felt so pathetic about this that I did not say a word to anyone.<br />
-Anita, 29, (she did get) married'<br />
<br />
<br />
'Chandini (by the way, what a romantic name, I must name my next female protagonist, Chandini) and I never used to fight. Till we got engaged. Then the proverbial hell broke loose. I still wonder why that happened because we stopped fighting very soon after we got married!<br />
Jatin ( will never name a character Jatin), 31, married for 1 year)'<br />
<br />
'I love the idea of getting married. I hate the idea of getting married. Both at the same time<br />
Anjali , 25, student, who wants to get married and does not want to get married'<br />
<br />
'After we got engaged, I used to feel bad when my fiancé would put the phone down after less than 45 minutes. My expectations did not make sense.<br />
Bhumi, 30, whose expectation still do not make sense'<br />
<br />
'I was marrying her because I loved her. why the hell did I need to tell her that every two seconds!!<br />
Pushkar (he has insisted, I write again that it is not his real name. I am doing as he bids)<br />
<br />
'And she became all senti about her Mum and Dad. Unbelievably senti. Before we got engaged, she would tell me that her folks got on her nerves every once in a while- which really is very normal. But when we got engaged, Uncle and Aunty became sacred. Don't even ask.<br />
Gaurav, married and a very tameezdar damad'<br />
<br />
When I was getting married, everyone told me enjoy this period because it was the most beautiful time in a person's life. So much so that I even felt pressurised into enjoying that time.<br />
<br />
Like really. Its nice and good and you look forward to new things but it does not come without its own pitfalls. Even the thought now seems ridiculous. I was soon to leave my country and family and job and frineds and settle in a place I knew no one in ( no one remotely trustworthy, anyway, as I would find out after some interesting escapades later with so called 'friends'). <br />
<br />
The point is, as the book will also tell you, it is okay to be confused.<br />
Its okay to worry and wonder.<br />
Its okay to be ridiculously silly.<br />
<br />
And if you have found someone who puts up with all your nonsense, reason enough to don the red lehenga / magnolia sherwani and be there in the mandap.<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong><u>Question for the post:</u></strong><br />
I get many emails. (What a pompous way to start a section. Bleh)<br />
Most of them ask me questions about getting published. As far as possible, I will take one question from those emails and answer them here. If you have any, feel free to let me know and I will try my best to answer.<br />
<br />
Question of the day:<br />
My publisher is asking me for money. Should I sign with him?<br />
<br />
Answer<br />
Yes and No. <br />
Yes, if all you want is to be a published author and do not really care about much else. <br />
No, if you want to get a real publisher.<br />
<br />
To share my story, when my first book came out one publisher reached out to me with an offer. I would put in x amount and he would put in 2x amount and voila! we would have a book. I am very glad better sense prevailed ( and also that Rupa agreed to publish me!)<br />
My suggestion is to go for a reputed publisher. These will never ask you to put in money. You will get royalty and if things work out well, a decent advance too.<br />
<br />
If you are getting refusals at the moment, keep trying. Tweak your story, improve the wirting, invest more time in the manuscript. Getting a book out is hard work- but so, so,so worth it in the end ( before the bad reviews start, that is ;) )<br />
<br />
R<br />
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-56858893023013043672014-09-06T11:55:00.000+01:002014-09-06T11:55:34.390+01:00Blog Marathon #1: As a writer<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My books are a bit of myself as I was when I was writing them. Things that made me happy or sad or simply caught my attention- all find their way into the book in some way or the other.<br />
When I re-read my books, oddly enough, I am acquainted with parts of me that I have forgotten. There is this little joke in the book that actually comes from that little incident that took place which ofcourse I had completely forgotten about till I re-read the book. <br />
<br />
Anyway, coming back to IDDI (in case you have not pre-ordered it, please do it here: <a href="http://www.amazon.in/I-Do-Ruchita-Misra/dp/9351363325/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409993427&sr=1-1&keywords=ruchita+misra">http://www.amazon.in/I-Do-Ruchita-Misra/dp/9351363325/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409993427&sr=1-1&keywords=ruchita+misra</a>) Even if I say so myself, it is an engaging, fun read. A big throbbing heart- that is how a friend described it sometime back, bless her!), while I cannot say how it will fare in the markets, though I hope you will all buy it and make it a success, what I can say with conviction is that I am proud of it.<br />
<br />
Proud in a quiet, sensible way. Proud because I know this story comes from my heart and that is what I wanted. Proud because I know I spent hours working on this book when I could have been out partying. Proud because it has some sentences that mean a lot to me. Proud because of the decisions Kasturi, Purva, Pitajee and Anu take (agreed some decisions are sheer madness, but who am I to complain, afterall it is their life!)<br />
<br />
The book touches on many aspects of life and I hope to talk about them as we move through this marathon, in the process discussing matters that affect all of us. <br />
<br />
While I would I have liked to do post each day, I will, due to pressures of work, limit it to Saturdays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.<br />
<br />
In the meanwhile don't forget to pre-order the book, you wont regret it :)<br />
<br />
Love<br />
R <br />
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-23827663497226913952014-08-10T21:37:00.004+01:002014-08-10T21:37:50.396+01:005 things i was grateful for today<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<ol>
<li>Rakhi- even though I could not be with my brother today, thanks to Skype, I was atleast able to see other sisters tie the rakhee to him (including mine)</li>
<li>The monsoon-ish rains in the morning today- reminded me so much of India. I conveniently found reason to go out (to buy the not so needed tomatoes) and came back pretty much drenched ;)</li>
<li>A nap in the afternoon- exhausted from the cooking spree today, I was able to nap (although just for a few minutes) today in the afternoon. It was quite relaxing, I must say</li>
<li>Doing nothing all evening- sofa-bed-bed-sofa. The simple pleasures of life, so very welcome after a very busy few weeks- seemed liked the first time I had done this in a LONG time.</li>
<li>A long conversation with Ma. The voice of sanity in my life.</li>
<li>A nice book- have been looking for a good book for some time ( I read Bite when I was in Malta and quite liked it!) and was delighted when I finally decided what my next book is going to be.</li>
<li>Episode 6 of 'The Honourable Woman'- during to sofa-bed-bed-sofa thing that I was doing, I finally caught up with the episodes of this absolutely fantastic thriller. Must see for anyone interested in Israel Palestine politics</li>
</ol>
<br />
I wanted to write 5 things I was grateful for, I paused at 2, told myself that there are no more and then finally stopped at 7. Goes to show that often we don't even realise what we have.<br />
<br />
Have a nice week.<br />
<br />
Love<br />
R</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-78072026940566593952014-08-09T16:02:00.001+01:002014-08-09T16:02:26.640+01:00Malta<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So the last few months have been crazy busy.<br />
We finalised our first house and shifted.<br />
And I was working on both my second and third books.<br />
<br />
Which is why we have not been on a holiday in a long time, which is a very rare thing for us. So, inevitably, there soon came a point when both Sid and I felt that we had to, just had to take a break.<br />
<br />
And with that noble thought in mind, we booked our tickets to Malta.<br />
<br />
Some highlights of Malta:<br />
<br />
It was the first time I actually swam in the sea. Okay, in my defense I did not venture towards the deeper mysteries of the sea and stayed as close to the shore as possible, but I swam in the sea! *somersaults* <br />
<br />
Here is a picture of where I swam. Crystal clear waters, striking blue of the sea, the bright son and cliffs jutting out here and there. (And no, that is not me in the bright yellow bikini)<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
I sat on a ship as it cruised the waters, legs dangling out of the ship into the sea, squealing with delight each time a wave crashed against the ship and spurted saly sea water all over me! And here is a picture I took of other travellers sitting where we sat on the return journey:<br />
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And that's me lost in the sights of the sea (in the background you can see the city of Valetta):<br />
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I trekked pointy cliffs to the stunning azure window. I could have spent hours there, just staring, but time, you constantly moving element that refuses to stand still even for a minute forced me to move on much quicker than I would have like to<br />
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I also explored little nooks and cranies around the island:<br />
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We walked till we tired. And then came back and hit the gorgeous swimming pool in our hotel. We spent so much time in the hot sun that we came back all tanned. <br />
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It was a wonderful break and one of the rare places I did not want to come back from.....<br />
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*Sigh*<br />
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If you are thinking of going to Malta, don't think. Just go.<br />
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Love<br />
R</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14099725.post-84860730882026253442014-08-07T22:13:00.001+01:002014-08-07T22:19:52.329+01:00What's in a name?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If it is a book, a LOT!<br />
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I really like the title of my second book. <br />
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It's a little bit filmy, <br />
And quite cheeky, <br />
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Three brave soldiers tumble around,<br />
Trying to make sense of the word and the sound<br />
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Its a lot of fun,<br />
Let's see if you can guess it, hun.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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:) :) <br />
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Let me know if you guess it. Should not take you more than a few seconds!<br />
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Have fun,<br />
R<br />
<br />
</div>
Rhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08566262501480000154noreply@blogger.com4