Happy Birthday Chotu

This other day I woke up and looked around, very relaxed (a rarity for the hyper anxious me). I knew what I was looking for. I was looking for the prettiest face in the world. Dark hair pulled back in a low bun, a big red Bindi on her forehead, kajal in her eyes, smile on her face.

The first face you want to see when you wake up.

Mum would be around somewhere, doing something. The room would be spotlessly clean. I will call out and she will come.

I am vaguely aware that I am 6-7 years old and in Lucknow.

Only I am not.

I am in London and a lot older than 7. It takes me a few moments to orient myself and then I feel gobsmacked. Where did that come from? Almost as if something had taken me back into time for a few precious moments. Mum has short hair now. She rarely wears a saree and the big red bindi has given way to a smaller one.
I have not thought about our life from back then in years.

As the moment passes, I lay back and try to recall how relaxed I had been feeling a few minutes back. I had not felt that way in months. Maybe years.

Mum, my Mum. Even a flashback makes everything okay.



For most girls their mothers are the best.

Mine really is.

No, really, she is.


I have, over the last few years, mostly through conversation across continents, come to know her better than I did when I lived with her growing up in Lucknow. It is one of the benefits of growing up, you know, you get to know your parents as people. Not just as your bank or your cook or your chauffer or as the invisible hand that helps you out when you need some picking up. But as people with hopes and aspirations and fears and their own battles.

And what I have figured about my Mum is nothing short of extra ordinary.

She is an odd combination of contradictions.

She wont be able to say no to the help at home, yet she will find in herself, again and again, the strength to go against everyone in the room to stand for what is right and with those who need help. I have seen her take tough decisions that can only cause her trouble but might help people she loves. And honestly, i have rarely seen anyone else behave in as selfless a manner as she can.

If someone is upset, even though it is the other person's fault, she will try her best to make things okay. I tell her she needs to be strong. And then my father has an emergency brain surgery and she is the only one who has her wits about herself. And I wonder if I can ever be as strong as her.

She is not a manager in a fancy office, but she project manages complex situations at home better than most people I know would ever be able to. Daily wage workers who come to work at our house love her. One of them, many years ago, liked Mum so much that he decided (and we let him) to work for us. He was with us for a couple of years, went back to hi village and then came back. And then there was this one guy who took to calling her Mummy. I still cant help but smile at the memory.

She choses to not react when the easiest thing would be to kill the person in front of you. Yet when she loses her temper, God alone can help you.

I have seen, not once, not twice but hundreds of times, people come to her just to get good sensible advice. And now when someone asks me for advice there is only one question I ask myself ' What would Ma say?'

She is the strongest person I know. She is the gentlest person I know. She can be the clown that entertains and the wise sage that enlightens.

And boy, can she forgive. She forgives people for being petty, selfish and rude. For having made her life hell. For having denied her things she had a right to. ' They are just being ignorant' she says sagely to me on the phone while I grind my teeth and fanatsize about how I would have given that person a taste of his/her own medicine had I been there.

Sometimes when she is saying all those wise things, things that are so wise that for some moments everything makes sense, I wish I can record them. Record them and keep them safe in a locker under the sea where no one can touch them. Just so that they will always stay with me. People often tell me that I say wise things. I am mostly just quoting my Mum.

I know my Mum is my mum, I also think, she is now her mother's Mum as well. And is mother-like for a few others too.

That I am sane is because of her. That I can be strong (Sometimes atleast) is because of her. That I am, is because of her.

Life has many challenges, but I move through it stronger and steadier simply because my Mum is my Mum.

You matter, Ma, matter so much. For some of us, you are, even now, the one person around whom the world revolves.

Happy birthday.

Your Luchita.


-----

In other news, my second book is about to be released. Pre-order your copy here.

 

Blog marathon #2 : 'After all, meri shadi hone wali hai'

While IDDI (if you have not pre-ordered IDDI yet, here is the link) is about a lot of things like love, family, trust, friendship (and we will talk about all these things), it is primarily the diary of  the bride to be. A bumbling, fumbling bride to be.

This book becomes relevant to you if
1) you got married within the last decade
2) might get married within the next decade
3) are a guy and 1 or 2
4) either girl or guy but have decided never to marry
5) either girl or guy and very confused about marriage

If you do not belong to the above four categories please don't waste your money on the book- that is my humble advice.

Extract from emails I collected from people I know personally (reproduced here with permission, names changed and all that jazz needed to protect identity)

' I loved my fiancé but the moment I got married, I started looking at every other guy, wondering if I should marry him instead of my fiancé! And I felt so pathetic about this that I did not say a word to anyone.
-Anita, 29, (she did get) married'


'Chandini (by the way, what a romantic name, I must name my next female protagonist, Chandini) and I never used to fight. Till we got engaged. Then the proverbial hell broke loose. I still wonder why that happened because we stopped fighting very soon after we got married!
Jatin ( will never name a character Jatin), 31, married for 1 year)'

'I love the idea of getting married. I hate the idea of getting married. Both at the same time
Anjali , 25, student, who wants to get married and does not want to get married'

'After we got engaged, I used to feel bad when my fiancé would put the phone down after less than 45 minutes. My expectations did not make sense.
Bhumi, 30, whose expectation still do not make sense'

'I was marrying her because I loved her. why the hell did I need to tell her that every two seconds!!
Pushkar (he has insisted, I write again that it is not his real name. I am doing as he bids)

'And she became all senti about her Mum and Dad. Unbelievably senti. Before we got engaged, she would tell me that her folks got on her nerves every once in a while- which really is very normal. But when we got engaged, Uncle and Aunty became sacred. Don't even ask.
Gaurav, married and a very tameezdar damad'

When I was getting married, everyone told me enjoy this period because it was the most beautiful time in a person's life. So much so that I even felt pressurised into enjoying that time.

Like really. Its nice and good and you look forward to new things but it does not come without its own pitfalls. Even the thought now seems ridiculous. I was soon to leave my country and family and job and frineds and settle in a place I knew no one in ( no one remotely trustworthy, anyway, as I would find out after some interesting escapades later with so called 'friends').

The point is, as the book will also tell you, it is okay to be confused.
Its okay to worry and wonder.
Its okay to be ridiculously silly.

And if you have found someone who puts up with all your nonsense, reason enough to don the red lehenga / magnolia sherwani and be there in the mandap.

:)


Question for the post:
I get many emails. (What a pompous way to start a section. Bleh)
Most of them ask me questions about getting published. As far as possible, I will take one question from those emails and answer them here. If you have any, feel free to let me know and I will try my best to answer.

Question of the day:
My publisher is asking me for money. Should I sign with him?

Answer
Yes and No.
Yes, if all you want is to be a published author and do not really care about much else.
No, if you want to get a real publisher.

To share my story, when my first book came out one publisher reached out to me with an offer. I would put in x amount and he would put in 2x amount and voila! we would have a book. I am very glad better sense prevailed ( and also that Rupa agreed to publish me!)
My suggestion is to go for a reputed publisher. These will never ask you to put in money. You will get royalty and if things work out well, a decent advance too.

If you are getting refusals at the moment, keep trying. Tweak your story, improve the wirting, invest more time in the manuscript. Getting a book out is hard work- but so, so,so worth it in the end ( before the bad reviews start, that is ;) )

R
 

Blog Marathon #1: As a writer

My books are a bit of myself as I was when I was writing them. Things that made me happy or sad or simply caught my attention- all find their way into the book in some way or the other.
When I re-read my books, oddly enough, I am acquainted with parts of me that I have forgotten.  There is this little joke in the book that actually comes from that little incident that took place which ofcourse I had completely forgotten about till I re-read the book.

Anyway, coming back to IDDI (in case you have not pre-ordered it, please do it here: http://www.amazon.in/I-Do-Ruchita-Misra/dp/9351363325/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409993427&sr=1-1&keywords=ruchita+misra) Even if I say so myself, it is an engaging, fun read. A big throbbing heart- that is how a friend described it sometime back, bless her!), while I cannot say how it will fare in the markets, though I hope you will all buy it and make it a success, what I can say with conviction is that I am proud of it.

Proud in a quiet, sensible way. Proud because I know this story comes from my heart and that is what I wanted. Proud because I know I spent hours working on this book when I could have been out partying. Proud because it has some sentences that mean a lot to me. Proud because of the decisions Kasturi, Purva, Pitajee and Anu take (agreed some decisions are sheer madness, but who am I to complain, afterall it is their life!)

The book touches on many aspects of life and I hope to talk about them as we move through this marathon, in the process discussing matters that affect all of us.

While I would I have liked to do  post each day, I will, due to pressures of work, limit it to Saturdays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

In the meanwhile don't forget to pre-order the book, you wont regret it :)

Love
R 
 

5 things i was grateful for today

1. Rakhi- even though I could not be with my brother today, thanks to Skype, I was atleast able to see other sisters tie the rakhee to him (including mine)
2. The monsoon-ish rains in the morning today- reminded me so much of India. I conveniently found reason to go out (to buy the not so needed tomatoes) and came back pretty much drenched ;)
3. A nap in the afternoon- exhausted from the cooking spree today, I was able to nap (although just for a few minutes) today in the afternoon. It was quite relaxing, I must say
4. Doing nothing all evening- sofa-bed-bed-sofa. The simple pleasures of life, so very welcome after a very busy few weeks- seemed liked the first time I had done this in a LONG time.
5. A long conversation with Ma. The voice of sanity in my life.
6. A nice book- have been looking for a good book for some time ( I read Bite when I was in Malta and quite liked it!) and was delighted when I finally decided what my next book is going to be.
7. Episode 6 of 'The Honourable Woman'- during to sofa-bed-bed-sofa thing that I was doing, I finally caught up with the episodes of this absolutely fantastic thriller. Must see for anyone interested in Israel Palestine politics

I wanted to write 5 things I was grateful for, I paused at 2, told myself that there are no more and then finally stopped at 7. Goes to show that often we don't even realise what we have.

Have a nice week.

Love
R

Malta

So the last few months have been crazy busy.
We finalised our first house and shifted.
And I was working on both my second and third books.

Which is why we have not been on a holiday in a long time, which is a very rare thing for us. So, inevitably, there soon came a point when both Sid and I felt that we had to, just had to take a break.

And with that noble thought in mind, we booked our tickets to Malta.

Some highlights of Malta:

It was the first time I actually swam in the sea. Okay, in my defense I did not venture towards the deeper mysteries of the sea and stayed as close to the shore as possible, but I swam in the sea! *somersaults*

Here is a picture of where I swam. Crystal clear waters, striking blue of the sea, the bright son and cliffs jutting out here and there. (And no, that is not me in the bright yellow bikini)

I sat on a ship as it cruised the waters, legs dangling out of the ship into the sea, squealing with delight each time a wave crashed against the ship and spurted saly sea water all over me! And here is a picture I took of other travellers sitting where we sat on the return journey:

And that's me lost in the sights of the sea (in the background you can see the city of Valetta):

I trekked pointy cliffs to the stunning azure window. I could have spent hours there, just staring, but time, you constantly moving element that refuses to stand still even for a minute forced me to move on much quicker than I would have like to

I also explored little nooks and cranies around the island:

We walked till we tired. And then came back and hit the gorgeous swimming pool in our hotel.  We spent so much time in the hot sun that we came back all tanned.

It was a wonderful break and one of the rare places I did not want to come back from.....

*Sigh*

If you are thinking of going to Malta, don't think. Just go.

Love
R

What's in a name?

If it is a book, a LOT!

I really like the title of my second book.


It's a little bit filmy,
And quite cheeky,

Three brave soldiers tumble around,
Trying to make sense of the word and the sound

Its a lot of fun,
Let's see if you can guess it, hun.

:) :)

Let me know if you guess it. Should not take you more than a few seconds!

Have fun,
R

 

Book 2

:)

And it is that time again.

Has to be my Christmas, only it seems to happen not once each year, but once in 3 years!

The manuscript of Book 2 has been read and re read and re re re read for misplaced commas, spellings and grammar.  Even the tiniest of elements of the plot have been dissected. The acknowledgments and dedications done. The cover finalised. The author bio written. The author pic decided.

Phew!

Needless to add, a LOT of work has gone into the book and I will share details of it all in the next few weeks. Add that to a full time job that has me travelling across the Nordics at the drop of a hat, buying a house  and shifting in, and generally just keeping my self alive , fed and watered and you have one completely mad woman.

When I was flying in from Malta this Tuesday, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I did NOT have a manuscript to either write or edit. Instead I read. Just relaxed and read to my heart's content as clouds flew by beneath me. Seemed so alien, really :)
[ I also tried to forget all about the last two nights in Malta when I was up till 2 and 3 respectively eyes boring into manuscript proofs, but that is another story for another day]

For the time being, even if just for a little bit, I am just kicking off my shoes and resting my head on the wall. A moment to breathe deep.

Before all the madness begins. Again.
:)

Love
R

So long, so long…

Tonight is our last night in the apartment I have called home for the last 4 years. Not a big thing, you would say.

Only for me, it is.

While Sid’s Dad was in the Air force and hence the entire family shifted based every couple of years, my father is a doctor and once we moved into our house 20 years back, we stayed put. A change in house is a bigger deal for me than it is for the rest., particularly Sid who has done this every 2 years for the first 20 years of his life.

You see, this is only the 3^rd house I have ever lived in.

I came her fresh off the boat ;). A 25 year old newly married girl (really, did I marry that young??), unsure and possibly a little intimidated by everything around. Everything was new. Sometimes I now wondered how I did it all! I had left my job, family and friends- heck- my entire life behind me to start a new.

Exciting? Yes.

A tad scary? YES!

The house saw me get to know Sid. It saw us fight, it saw us make up. It saw me not comprehending why anyone would want to put mirchi powder in food, it saw me begin to put atleast some every once in while…

It saw me change. It saw Sid change. It saw us both adapt to each other’s ways in ways neither had expected.

It saw me wonder if I could possibly even consider considering a book. It saw me sign the contract of the second one.

It saw me confused because of health issues. It saw me finally able to go to the doctors on my own.

It saw me take some tough decisions…it saw me grow.

It was the home I came back to from work.

We are moving to our own place. Our first house together. More on that later because tonight it is all about the house that has been my home for the last 4 years.

So long, Flat 31, you shall be missed….

Flat 1, here we come J

Men, Indian and errr...not so Indian :)

So there are workers in our new house. We have a 2 week overlap between leaving this place and moving to the new place and in that we intend to get all the work done (read transform it from the 1840s , no kidding, flat that it is into a trendy, modern house). Any way, last week, I was there and the workers were..err...working. Two of them. Both South Asian.
After the usual pleasantries, they began to open up to me. One of the called me 'didi' and the other called me 'Baji'. Something oddly heartwarming, by the way, about being called didi/baji by people in a foreign land.
As it turned out, one of them was from India and the other was from Pakistan. And they are best friends.
'You know, baji' said the man painting the ceiling of my living room ' when I heard bhai jaan speak I was sure he is from Karachi'
In all fairness, Sid has begun to use 'aap' and 'hum' quite a lot since he married me.
I laughed.
'Did you?'
'I am from Rawalpindi...and I had no doubt bhai jaan is from Karachi. I told Patel bhai also' he said pointing to the other worker 'that this couple is from Pakistan'
I smiled.
'Then' chipped in Patel Bhai 'when we were painting the cupboard, I saw Lakshmi ganpati and I knew you are from India'

We are so similar that even we are not sure which side of the border the other one comes from.
And as Ma remarked, sometimes religion, which intends to unite, ends up dividing.

""""""""""

I was in the IKEA store, tired after a very long day at work, waiting for Sid to join me. I decided to head to their cafeteria and have something to eat.
After looking at the food , I decided the safest option was chips. You can never really go wrong with that.
'Can I have some chips, please' I said without looking up.
'You sure can' came a bright voice. I was too tired to look.
'Thanks' I said when the chips appeared.
'Not a problem. Have a nice evening, Madam'
'You too' I said politely and was about to head off.
'You first' he said.
I looked up startled. A handsome young man stood infront of me smiling a warm smile.
Exhausted, tired and cranky yet I laughed.
'See' he said pointing a finger at me ' I made you smile'

Even now, a few days later, I still smile each time I think of the little incident.

"""""""""

I was in the lift. My Nokia Lumia in one hand and iphone in the other. The lift stopped and an elderly man enetered it. I cast one look at him and went back to my phones.
Just as I was about to leave the lift, he spoke up./
'If you hand another hand, you would have another phone, would not you?'
I paused and reflected.
'Most probably, yes' I said grinning.
He shook his head and gave me a 'you-younger-lot' look.

"""""""""

I do not want to generalise, but Indian men...*sigh* are...*sigh*
So these two young men,  late twenties I would imagine, investment banker types, Indian, were in the train with me. And you know how it is in the tube, everyone looks at everyone but pretends they are not. I soon busied myself in my book and regained consciousness (;) ) only when the train had reached my stop and it was time to change trains.
The men left the train with me. It is a busy station and in the crowds that thronged around us, I found myself just a few feet away from the indian men. And I realised with a start that they were talking about me! In Hindi and loud enough for me to hear every word.
They concluded that I looked intelligent. One man rated me higher in the looks department than a white girl who had been standing next to me in the train but the other man disagreed.The checked my hand for a ring and found none. One of them commented on how seedhi saadhi I looked. They wondered if I have just finished studying and am probably an intern in a bank or something (smug look- meri twacha se meri umra ka pata hi nahi chalta). Then the first man, the one who had rated me higher than the other girl, decided he wanted to ask me out. His friend egged him on and told him to seize the moment and the girl (Which had me very worried for a moment!). They concluded that i was probably Italian but he could convince his mother that I was indian because I did look a little bit indian. (Really?) By that time we had walked to a part of the underground where I had to take a left and the men, I could guess from their body language, had to take a right.
The men hesitated waiting to see if I took the same lane as them.
With a swift turn, I faced the men. Cleared my throat and spoke in clear hindi to a stunned audience of two indian men.
'Sudhar jao, mere dost. Aese koh ladaki nahi milne wali'
The men stared open mouthed. I tossed my hair, and walked off into the sunset, my high heels clanking against the floor. In my imagination fireworks filled the sky and I found it difficult to wipe the smirk off my face the whole day that day.
 

I am now part of their story!

Today was sunny and on sunny days London blossoms into a stunning, gorgeous beauty, much like a woman  under the admiring gaze of the man she loves. On such days, I often find myself in our little balcony, staring not only at the river that glistens in the sun, but also at the families that troop by laughing, talking and enjoying the day.

Sid had gone out for a run and i was about to start my 40 minute yoga session when my eyes fell on a couple by the river.

I often see couples by the river but the moment I set eyes on them, I knew something soecial was going on. It took me but a few seconds to figure out that the man had just proposed. The girl, taken aback but visibly over the moon with joy, obviously had said yes and was laughing and crying as they stared at the new ring on her finger. I tried hard to not stare. The couple kissed about 200 times in a matter of ten minutes. The  man wiped tears off the girl's face and then a little later i saw the girl wipe tears off the man's face. He kissed her on her lips and when that did not seem enough, he planted tender kisses on her forehead. He held her and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled and cried. Together they stared at her hand admiring the ring that i have no doubt shone in the Sun. Even from a distance I could make out her expression, i could imagine her tears and i could sense her happiness.

Like, i said, i tried hard to not stare yet i stared for the moment was so beautiful and the couple was so much in love that i found it impossible to peel my eyes away. It was a private and a very special moment and I felt like an outsider (which I obviously was, but who cares!!)

And , in this day and age what do you do when something special happens around you?

You whisk out your iphone and click pictures and that is what i did. I clicked a few pictures and tried to forget about the couple. Afterall, it was their moment!

Only i could not, they were still there , staring intermittently at the ring on the girls finger and the river, still mumbling sweet nothings to one another. I flicked through the pictures and knew in that moment that were i that girl, i would love to have those pictures.

Of course going over to the couple to give them the pictures seemed weird. No one does that in London. We all pretend that we do not have eyes.

I decided to wait for 5 minutes. If the couple were still there, i would go them.

As i readied for yoga, i kept an eye out on the couple. They stood there, talking and laughing. They tried taking selfies which the girl seemed dissatisfied with. Then they asked another man with a baby in a pram to click a picture of them. Then they took pictures of each other. And i stared at what i felt was a beautiful picture of them on my phone and felt my heart bleed.

In london you do not interfere with what others are doing, a voice in my head said warningly.

'WHat the heck, I am Indian!' said the other part of my brain.

I threw on a coat, put on slippers and dashed out of the house. I ran to the startled couple and said ' Excuse me, I live in the house there' pointing to my house ' and was in the balcony taking pictures of the sunny day when i witnessed something special. I have some pictures of the two of you, would you like to have them?'

'Oh my God' the girl squealed, her eyes already wet as she stared at the pics on my phone.
'This is so special, this is so special' she kept mumbling.

I was so excited for the couple that i seemed to be taking ages to send a simple email to the man's ID with the pictures as attachment. I finally handed my phone to the guy who, as men generally are, seemed to be the only with his wits about him (I certainly did not :) )  They both thanked me profusely and I congratulated the couple.

I leave you with two of those pictures. I think they are beautiful mainly because that the two of them were madly in love was obvious even from a distance. And love can make life extra ordinary. Let alone a picture.

My heart felt very full, still does even though the incident happened a couple of hours ago. The Sun shone in all its glory; the Thames sparkled as if jewels were strew all across it; and the two of them stood there wrapped in love...

It was a special day for them and a special day for me too! I wish them all the happiness in their life together :)

Love,
R
  

DON'T!

The fun bit about no longer being 16 is that you can pretend to be all wise and talk about how life has taught you stuff. Here are some things I try and NOT do. I am sharing some of them here, for your benefit and mine

Read on to see if you find takeaways ( I hope you do!)

1. Don't judge people. They all have stories and some of them are more horrific that yours ever will be.
2. Don't ignore your soul. Ever since I was small, I have been aware of how my body is different from my soul. We all do so much for our body- the medical check ups, the vitamin tablets, the exercise. We forget that we have a soul that needs attention and nourishment. When I stop outside of the tube station and stare at the flowers, I am feeding my soul. When I open my hair on a windy day and let the winds play with it, I do it for my soul. When I sit back and embroider a flower, I do it for my soul...When I write, I do it for my soul. When I act with grace and not scream at the random man on the tube who is being rude, I do it for my soul.
3. Don't forget that there are other people around you. Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, I get up and do something for someone else that makes them feel special. Nothing big, but  maybe bake someone a cake, give someone a well deserved compliment or even something as small as calling someone up and asking them about their new house or new baby or new job. Everyone is looking for affirmation of their existence and in validating others you uplift your own mood and soul.
4. I try hard to not say mean, discouraging things. To anyone. I firmly believe that words have a lot of power and they should be used only to uplift yourself and those around you.
5. Do not be jealous. When something nice happens to you, don't you wish people would congratulate you and mean it? Be that person.
6. Don't try too hard to be friends. If it is not working out or if you finish each conversation with a bad taste in your mouth, just let them be. You guys are not meant to be friends; accept that.
7. Don't be negative. By being negative you are telling the universe to send all its negative energies towards you. Also, no one will want to be around you because we all naturally gravitate towards happy, life affirming energies.
8. Don't betray yourself. My biggest responsibility , and I think that it is true for everyone, is to bring out the best in me. No one else has that responsibility and I owe it to myself to become the best person I can be. 
9. Don't ignore your mental health. It is as , if not more, important than physical health. Surround yourself with well meaning people who encourage you and see you in a positive light.
10. Don't fear. Fear cripples. Fear weakens. Fear gnaws at your soul. Fear stops you from becoming the person are meant to be. So don't fear anything. Whatever is meant to happen will and if it is something bad you will face it, battle it and come out of it shinning.  

Every once in a while it is okay to...

To not make every moment count. To not live every moment. To not be alive every moment. To just let time be.
To not hurry. to not catch up. To not run. To not chase. To just walk. 
To not shout. To not holler. To not be heard. To just listen.
To not shine. To not outshine. To just applaud.
To not measure. To not want. To not want more. To just breathe.
To not create. To not critique. To not improvise. To just appreciate.
To not get. To not receive. To not ask. To just not bother.
To not do better. to not improve. To just be bad.
To not achieve. To not do. To not do more. To observe.
To not wonder. To not think. To not overthink. To be at peace.

Every once in a while, it is okay to just be.Every once in a while, it is okay to just be.

Times Table

Recently, while in India, I had to live through (could not find a better word) about 10 minutes of extreme anxiety.

How I dealt with that time surprised me.

From somewhere deep within, as my  mind grew more and more anxious, the brain devised a solution for itself.

I spent the better part of the ten minutes doing mental maths.

I calculated the times table from 16 to 23. I am quite good with maths and as my brain voluntarily occupied itself with the complexities of multiplying 17 by 8 (136, by the way, comes instantly to mind and I am not showing off here), my body relaxed as if someone had done some magic.

Before I resorted to mental maths I had tried deep breathing, visualising etc etc. All had failed in seconds. Mental maths took me through till the end :)

It is funny, is not it, the things that your mind can find comforting.

I was wondering if others have had similar experiences and if so what finally worked?

Love,
R

 

Twenty Thirteen: The year in a post!

To be honest, I never liked the sound of 2013; there was a bad ring to it. So for that reason alone, I am glad it is over. What i learnt about life and myself in the last year: (Lessons learnt from 2012 in this post, and highlights from 2011 in this post)

• I like to keep challenging myself. I do it quietly, hesitatingly, all the while questioning my ability on the inside but i do it with a weird sense of confidence that is latent but very potent.
• This yoga class i attended a few weeks back and a chance comment from the instructor that stayed with me- she said: 'Injuries are very clever, they let you know your weaknesses; make them your friends and respect them'. I was so blown away by that sentence that i almost let go of the lizard pose she had us all in and went and gave her a hug. Injuries; physical, emotional and psychological- they all tell you what the chink in your armor is and it never hurts to know that and work on it. 
• The weirdest experience happened outside of office when a man stopped me and 1) said things about my past that were absolutely true and b) predicted my future. 
• I think life should be documented, what else is it if not a string of easily forgettable moments? This blog is one way of doing it but of course there is only this much that you can mention on a public blog. I have taken Ma's advice and have started sending emails to myself about the funny things, the compliments, the heart warming little incidents that one tends to forget..
• Its funny  you know; how you live life scared of some things and then the things that actually happen- you would have never even imagined that that would happen to you! I struggled massively with some issues this year and in trying to get over them, i tried so many new things, understood so much about myself that i think i evolved as a person more in this year than in any other. I learnt to be very optimistic and enthusiastic about everything in general. 
• Africa. Visit it. It calls me again and again. (The Africa Diaries here)
• Travelling is one of the greatest joys of life. I think it was this year that i truly realized how much i love to travel. My advice: If you can afford it, travel. If you cannot afford it, travel. So this year I traveled to India (of course), Lanzarote (Canary Islands),Mombasa (Kenya), Salzbourg (Austria), Istanbul (Turkey), road trip in Scotland, Amsterdam (again), Stockholm (Sweden), and Dubrovnik (Croatia). 
• Life can be perfectly fabulous without certain people in it. Don't take $%^& from people. If you are even vaguely/ remotely successful a lot of people will behave the way they do because they are jealous of you. Ignore, move on. 
• I performed on stage for the first time in ages. I danced to a Bollywood song in London. Here is a post with the details and some pictures.
• I discovered the immense joys of baking! Pictures of some stuff i baked here.
• I changed roles at work and am now doing something i never thought i would/ could. This change in role also meant that I pretty much smashed the before-i-turn-30 salary target i had set for myself. I am very thankful for this opportunity and work my hardest.
• I have realized that my biggest strengths are hard work and a good sense of humor. There was an email from my doctor that began ' Dear R, I must say your email made me giggle...'  To be honest, his email made ME giggle :)
• I made a lot of friends. 
• I have become an expert at throwing parties. I cook for 10 people without batting an eye lid and zero stress. 
• I got back to exercising and am loving it. Here is a post on my love for yoga.
• I painted, baked and embroidered.
• I realised that being Indian is a very big part of my identity. I tried very hard to not let Holi, Diwali, Karwa Chauth be just ordinary days; i called up people, cooked or got them to cook, and actually celebrated the festivals. For holi, we had colour, for diwali we had patake and for Karwa we had the channi and fasting. And for all these, we had a lot of people. My house feels like a home when all this happens and I like that feeling.
• I have made a ritual out of Sid's birthday. I cook a day in advance, invite his closest friends and make him feel all special :) We have also almost made a ritual of travelling for mine.
• My brother decided to get  married to a girl I am extremely fond of and the thought of them being man and wife just fills my heart with immense, pure joy.
• I realised that we might be scared, vulnerable and fearful. I also learnt that with wisdom, we can overcome such negative emotions.
• this was one of the most eye opening and oddly enough, spiritual experiences of my life.
• I watched all the episodes of Big Boss. Yes, kill me now.
• This year I finished writing two books. Maybe some day i will talk in detail about the first one but suffice to say right now that the first one is very close to my heart- I breathed and lived it for 1.5 years; for the first time the story completely overtook every aspect of my life. I would actually sort out the nitty gritties of the plot in my dreams, so obsessed was my being with it. Eating, drinking, sitting in the tube- the story would do its rounds in my head. However, no respectable publisher thought it would sell in the Indian market. That was a tough blow. I learnt to not give up. Picked myself up and wrote another one. Harper Collins has kindly agreed to publish it. (Whoop whopp, hurraaaayyy). I learnt, very simply, to not give up on my dreams. If you dream often enough and work hard enough, it generally, does happen :) And that is why, yet again, life taught me how important it is to keep at it. Simply keep at it.

I think, all in all, I became more active, learnt to massively multi task, struggled, succeeded, threw tantrums, cried my heart out, laughed, made others laugh a lot, stood by friends, fought with people i am close to, spoke my mind, grew in confidence, felt incredibly vulnerable, was horrible and absolutely lovely in equal bits. That pretty much sums up 2013.

To a fabulous 2014 to all of us!

Love,
R

Well...

'Are you a person or a museum or probably 3-4 people in one and should be put in a museum?' my Scottish manager asked me a few hours ago, laughing.

I get that a lot these days; people who share my life with me asking me how i do the many things i do and honestly, the question takes me by surprise because i do not know how to live any different. 

I wish i did, but i do not.

I have a high pressure, full time, B2B sales job with targets and customers spread across UK, rest of Europe, Russia etc.

I have one book in the market and another i have signed the contract for and am finalizing the details for.

Yesterday I baked and iced a cake for a lunch party i threw for my husband's birthday and this is not the first time I baked and cooked for someone's birthday. 

Today i will hopefully complete an embroidery project that i have been working on for quite some time.

I was a little indulgent (and very tired from the last few days ) and hence decided to not do any exercise today and i do not like the feeling.. I typically do some core strength exercises or a nice 40 minute cardio session or go for a 40 minute walk atleast 4-5 times a week. Close friends have been witness to my biceps and triceps which i have been proudly showing off to anyone who will bother. 

I have a BIG circle of friends in London most of whom wish to spend time with me. 

I traveled last month to Croatia, am travelling to India in Jan and to Iceland in Feb and still itch to travel more.

I am ALWAYS reading. I am extremely listless without a book.

I HAVE to speak to my Mum atleast once a day.

And I typically have a LOT of time on my hands. So much time that sometimes i wonder what is missing...

So, to answer the question, i understand that this is probably not normal but i do not know how or why i do it. 

 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

 2009. Induction meeting in Delhi for MBA graduates who were to be part of the fast track management trainee program of one of India’s largest telecom companies. Lots of us excited MBA graduates ready to set the corporate world on fire and all that higgledy-pigglidy.

A casual first meeting, I suppose; one that I cannot even recall now. Another face in the crowd, probably…Five of us were going to be based out of the same city and he was one of them.

Half a decade and half way across the world later he is one of my closest friends.

When? How? Really?

Friendships. It is interesting to see how the important ones began. You allow yourself a little smile when you go back into time and see for yourself in a little self-directed movie how it all panned out.

Nik and I were together in the same company for a grand total of 3 months in 2009. Remarkably,that was the only time we have spent around each other. The five of us were a big, tight group, the tacit promise of helping each other see through the horrors of the internship ensuring that we had much to talk about, share and laugh at.

A finance role in a telecom company was never going to keep him for long, and he left soon after to join an investment banking firm, to do things he really, truly wanted to do. I stayed on in the company for another three months and then moved to London.

Since then, I got married, wrote a book, wrote another, then another and then ANOTHER! (Not all of them will be printed s don't freak out about the number of books I have in the pipeline )

Every author has a friend who reads the books they write as they write it. Typically, its their closest friend. For me, my Dad and Nik do that. We have spent hours discussing the characters, the plot and why he thinks what I have written is great/ ok/ utter rubbish.  He was also the brain behind the title of the first one and he will name my second.

Today is his birthday.

Last year, towards the end of December, it struck me that the entire year had passed and I had not wished him a happy birthday. Had I missed it, I asked him innocently, as I paced my garden back at home in India.

The answer, of course, was that I had indeed and he had been waiting for me to realize that I had!

I still mentally LOL when I think of that conversation.

Good friends are precious, very precious. And while my behavior hardly shows that I hold that thought dear, I dooooo!

Nikhil is one of the very few people who understands me even when I do not say anything (and I mean this literally). He is also one of the very few people in front of whom I can be me without fear of being judged. And I count that as a luxury.

Along the years, we have helped each other take some of the biggest decisions we have taken. Often not by giving advice but mostly by just hearing the other one out.

As you get older  As Nik gets older, I, of course, stay 16, you tend to value  such friendships a lot more than you did when you were younger.

And, so, on this august day of Nik’s birthday, (;) ;) ) I would like to wish him a world full of happiness.

Happy birthday, Nik.

You simply rock J

R.

The latest craze

So there is something new that has caught my fancy.

Yoga.

Now, I have been doing bits and pieces of it forever but it is only of late that I have taken to it with gusto. I mix it with exercises that work on my core, use pink coloured light weights and feel so so so good when I am done with it.

For the longest time ever, I just waited to find that whole hour to go to the gym. It hardly happened. One fine day I told myself that enough was definitely enough, and promised myself that if nothing I will do 15-20 minutes of yoga before I leave for work each day. Something, I reasoned with myself, was better than nothing? eh?

Let me just add that 15 minutes of yoga are the best investment possible. Take my word for it. And, well, you CAN take out 15 minutes for yourself. Atleast!

I do breathing exercises, stretching, surya namaskars and add a little bit of core to it  (How I LOVE planks and push ups!)

The only point in putting this here is because for some reason, of late, a lot of people have emailed/ told me how much this blog inspires them. That is an odd thing to say because I never intended for this blog to inspire. AMuse yes, but inspire, no.

So be inspired to work out....just start with 15 minutes in the morning.

Take my word for it. Your body will thank me :)

Love
R
 

Letter to the husband...

Sid,

Today, 4 years ago, as i cried bucket fulls in front of the rather horrified pandit jee, with the aag as saakshi (and other equally dramatic stuff), you put the proverbial sindoor in my maang.

In other words, we got married.

Marriage, like most important things in life unfortunately, does not come with a manual. No well thumbed book to tell me what to expect and how to deal with someone i had never lived with. In fairness, by the same logic, both of us were manual-less, you as much as me,  and we fumbled and tumbled as we groped in the dark. Okay edit that. Came out all wrong. But having been my husband for the last 4 years, you get the picture? Though we are far from being veterans, i do feel we have come a long long way.

Because i married you I feel I grew up twice. Once with my parents at home in India. And the second time, because i married you so young, I grew up again here in London.

Marriage has changed me. And i hope it has changed you in some ways too.

In living with you, i live with someone who is a) very clever and b)very alert. Even the random ticket guy in Croatia, after asking you a couple of questions (including a trick question in the end) about the map on the ticket looked at me and said ' He is such a nerd!' I don't know how you know it all. But being the dreamer that i am, I am very glad that you do!

In living with you, I live with someone who is very good at his job. That is, to say the least, very inspiring. Given that we do similar roles now, if i can be half as good as you are, i will be very happy!

In living with you, I live with someone who wants to show me the world. Like we calculated the other day, we have traveled to 18 different countries in the last 4 years and have been to some of them more than once. You have made the studious, home body me enjoy and revel in travelling, you literally opened the doors of the world and its possibilities to me. I thank you for that. (Keep at it, by the way, I want to see more!)

In living with you, I live with an extremely confident man, who is very sure of himself. I know it is rubbing off on me a little bit ;) and God knows I can do with it.

In living with you, I live with a man, who lets me try out, no, not  just try out but actively encourages me to do everything I want to. Whether it is sitting for 20 minutes and staring at the fish as they wiggle about in sea, snorkel in Africa or go and speak to Sunil Gavaskar at Heathrow Airport- you always egg me on. And sometimes a little egging on is all that one needs to make an ordinary day, extraordinary;)

In living with you, I live with a man who is not a jealous, clingy husband. the day I had my book launch, you took my bag from me and said ' For today, I am your chapraasi. I will carry your bags and bring you water or whatever it is that you need from me'. You probably do not even remember it and probably said it in jest, but it was one of the sweetest things you have ever said to me.

In living with you, I live with a man who still opens doors for me and lets me get on the escalators first.

When you taste the rajma and say ' its good, but not as good as yours' dismissively looking at the cook who is stocking the refrigerator, I laugh a good few minutes before i tell you that this rajma was indeed cooked by me. The sheepish look on your face is priceless.

In spite of the horrible Baingan ki sabzi that you made the other day, I would recommend marriage (while i would not recommend putting three green chillies in a spoon ful of sabzee). Definitely recommend it. With a disclaimer. If you are getting married, be ready to change. Not because someone will force you to but because, as you adjust to another way of life, as you experience another person's ideologies and mannerisms, some of them will unknowingly rub off on you and make you different from what you were.

In a good way.
In a positive way.


Don't get carried away, Sid. You can be quite the pig head at times. But then so can I so lets call it quits there ;)

On that lovely note about pig headedness that is such an integral part of us, happy 4th Wedding Anniversary.

Love,
R

What do i write about?

Like i mentioned earlier too, i have been writing like a crazy woman for the last 2 years, only not often on the blog. And it seems i have run out of practice now!

Also a lot of things i would have spoken of as an anonymous blogger, i refrain from given that I have come out of the closet ;)

So why don't you tell me what you want me to write about? Leave your comments or email me and i shall get back.

R

A Meme!

Sunday Stealing meme and my answers

1.Are you a young heart or an old soul?
Young heart. Silly things: a throaty laugh, rain, balloons, toddlers, fluffed up cake- they make me happy.

2. What makes someone a best friend?
If they can be happy for you when good things happen and sad for you when bad things do. The former is much more difficult than the latter.

3. What Christmas present do you remember the most?
None. I don't celebrate Christmas.

4. Tell me a movie/song/TV show/playbook that has changed your life.
None. People have changed/ shaped me not movies/ songs or playbooks.

5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself and one that you dislike.
Well, I have been told that I have expressive eyes and would have liked to be a little taller.  Other than that, I firmly believe that we are all beautiful.


6. Can money buy happiness?
No but it can buy comfort and a lot of other things.

7. What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection? 
At least one of the above is abs necessary.

8. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? 
For the longest time ever, I did, but now I have proactively culled such people out of my life. Inherently, however, I do not trust a lot of people.

9. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid? 
The servant’s quarter. Old books were left discarded there and I would spend hours going through them. Geeky, I know.

10. Have you spent a night in the hospital?
Yes, I have. More than one and I am still trying hard to forget them though it is almost one whole year now.

11. Do you enjoy being only with 1-2 friends or with a large group of people? 
Earlier it was the former. But once bitten twice shy so now I keep myself surrounded with  loads of fun people, none of whom I am exceptionally close to. Safer, easier and more fun.

12. Have you ever been bullied? 
No.

13. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage until having sex, would you stay in that relationship?
Yes.

14. Do you believe in God? 
Yes.

15. Out of all the social networks in the world why use a blog? 
Once I start speaking/ writing it is tough to stop. Twiiter and FB status updates just do not suffice.


16. What is your quirkiest habit?
I have to, have to, have to be on the left of the other person I am walking with.

17. What is normal? Are you normal?
I don’t know what normal is. I do not think I am normal.

18. Someone close to you is dying! You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years but if you do you cause the death of 10 strangers.
Save that person who is close to me. I am very selfish that way.

19. What is one thing you could never forgive?
Lying. Consistently.

 

20. When you’re alone in your own home, do you talk out loud to yourself?
Yes. I am mad. I do that in office too, so it is no secret. People sitting next to me are used to it and just mumble a ‘you are doing it again' and I try and shut up. 


21. Who is your favorite super hero?
Don’t have one.

22. Could you be in a long distance relationship?
Was in one for about a year. It is not easy.

23. Do you know what makes you happy?
Yes. I love few people but I love them ferociously. Seeing them happy, safe and healthy makes me happy.

24. Who was your first crush?
First major crush was a senior in college (obviously)

25. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?
I love MaPo Tofu and Royal China!

26. Are you an early bird or night owl?
I can be either but prefer to be the night owl; mostly because I cant sleep peacefully till I get the work done.

27. Give me an unpopular opinion you have.

-

28. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation?
No. Win it to deserve it.

29. What song best describes your life right now?
None.

30. How do you express your creativity?
Write J

31. Give me the story of your life in 6 words. 

I work very hard.