Post 13

Grief

I went home for the first time after coming to London in May. I had been in London for 4 months by then and I had just found a job. The first thing I did when I got my job was to book tickets to India. However, even though I went to India just one month back, I am already very homesick.

Anyways, that is besides the point. I am now going to talk of just one aspect about the India trip- the time I was leaving my home to go and spend a day with my in laws before taking the flight back to London.

I have never left my parents and not cried. That’s not me. Each time I left for B school I cried like crazy in the train. This time was no different.

No, it was. I cannot put in words the amount of grief I felt as the train moved out of the platform. It was such immense grief, such unadulterated grief that it hit me like a rock. I did not even realize it but there I was standing next to my berth and crying so bitterly without a care of who was looking.Crying with sobs and with big fat tears streaming down my face. I don’t know for how long I stood there crying. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. A kind looking aunty asked me if all was ok.

I hurriedly wiped my tears, nodded a weak smile at her and climbed into m y berth and drew the curtains. And burst into tears again.

The grief was a physical pain. I just could not bear the thought of going away from them. I started finding it difficult to breathe and found myself totally unable to stop my tears. I had Twilight in my hands, and some pages are still soiled because of my big fat tears that fell on the pages of the open book.

I have never felt such immense grief. I am an emotional girl but I am reasonably sensible. I have not forgotten how it felt to leave my folks once again to go live in a foreign country. Leave the comforts of familiarity for the discomfort of things new and still alien.

If you are a girl who is not married, I have this to say to you : I love my husband. My in laws treat me like their daughter and my MIL will not stop gushing about how perfect her Daughter in law is. Yet. There is nothing like home. Nothing like your own Ma and your own dad. No matter how modern your thinking is, a part of you does get divided once you get married. You are part of two families. So all you unmarried girls- you belong 100% to your mum and dad. Please love them. Please cherish each moment you have with them. Please.