Looking beautiful Vs Feeling beautiful!!!

hey guys , i just read this post and it is wayyyy tooooo girlie !! Dun say i did not warn you!! :D


Looking beautiful and feeling beautiful are two bherry bherry differnet things.
You do not need to look beautiful to feel beautiful....Sometimes soemthing someone says , sometimes the way someone looks at you makes you feel as if you happen to be the prettiest this world has to offer!
I dont know why I wrote what I just wrote. It's almost midnight and after the ultra hectic day I have had today,I should have been dying to go to bed...but apparently that is not the case.I feel like talking to someone, and talking some more and then a little more and then just a little bit more!!!!
Seriously !!!
I always have soooooo much to talk about!!
I am in the lie-on-the-bed-hug-a-soft-pillow-and-jab-jab-jab-till-i-fall-asleep mode right now!
But well, since there is no one around and i really hate those silly chat rooms full of'Hot male 21, wanna talk??' type of rubbish, bloggie dearest came to mind....
My room is spick and span, i had a looong 'royal' bath , shampooed my hair ..and i just love this feeling of everything saaf-suthara....I like the smell of this shampoo,I also like the smell of this talcum powder and I also like the smell of this soap....
hehe...u know if due to some reason( e.g. too many guests) my bro and I were forced to share a room, so then whenevr I would come to bed, within seconds bhai would be like," oye, why do you always have to smell nice at night??Can't you smell normal??"
hehe...rubbish bhai!:D
Coming back to what I intended to write here....I dunno if it has ever happend with you or no, But there have been ocassions when I think that I am looking horrendous and then someone says something positive and then suddenly I start feeling nice ....Most ppl on my blog are guys, and I do not know if most guys are as sensitive to this topic as most girls are......

Before I started college, I hardly ever used to wear salwaar-suits. When I dropped an year after 12th , then too I generally used to stick to jeans and all..but once in a while, bherry bherry rarely, I would wear a suit.And boy !did I feel pretty then!!??!!You know the suit and the dupatta ..gosh, I used to feel like some sort of a fairy!!:D
And since I used to wear suits so rarely,thre used to be sooo many compliments.....thats the magic of dresses, they make you feel prettier and more beautiful than you might actually be ;)
It does not matter how you look, but it so totally matters how you feel....

Suits are compulsory in college, I never had a problem with that , you know. MOst girls went crazy when they heard this news and most of them could hardly manage the dupatta and all....I never faced any problems with managing a suit , i have never had any problem with managing all this, it comes naturally to me :)
So, now , the magic of suits no longer exists. Now its all about saarez...aaah....do I love wearing sarees??
yess!!!
yessssss!!!!
YESSSSSSSSS!!!
I have worn a sari just 3-4 times and I just looooovvveeee them!!!!My fave sari is sky blue in colour and its in some material thats translucent .It has light embroidery in silver thread....
It is so simple and nice and pretty!!!
Its so ossum to even simply feel it!
You know , I remember the day i bought that sari so well cuz of two reasons.

1. It was the first and ab tak ka only time when I was asked if I was intersted in modelling! print modelling cuz I was a bit tiny for the ramp..
those were that guys exact words.
I had just worn the blue sari and this guy looked at me as I emerged from the trail room in the blue sari and said,
"Excuse me ma'am but are you intersted in modelling. Print modeeling( i think thats wat he called it) cuz..err..umm..you are a bit tiny for the ramp"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had the time of my life telling that guy that I was not intersted ! Thats so totally something I will tell my grandchildren about, fer sure!!!! Maybe even add a copule of things to make the story more impressive!!:D
Okay, right! woh guy blind tha, theek hai, tha, so what???? mujhe model banae ka offer de kar gaya na..bus!
and you know when the guy left, Ma was like" ab, 5'2 inna bhi kam nahi hota hai!!!!"
lolz..mumz will be mumz!:D

2. I had never felt prettier on my own before!Really, I pity guys for the simple reason that most of them will never wear a sari...its ossum, guys, just simply ossum!!!!
try it, someday!
*falls down the chair laffing!!!, plz dunt guys, dunt!!*

See, its all about feeling pretty....its hardly about actually being a pretty gurl....for as they say....
People for whom you matter will nevah mind how you look
and those who mind how you look should never matter.!!!!!

I am feeling so nice right now!!! I think I am ging crazy or something!
Inni silly si post ke liye big time sorry, but you see I just wanted to blabber and thats what I did!!!
maafi deh doh sarkar!!
Shekhar jee ka tag coming up next!

And for all of you whom i think of when I think of my blog,I hope you are all warm and snug in your beds,dreaming the sweetest of dreams.
Gunite friends.
MW.

Nazaar lag gayi!!!!

Kise??
Arre, baba, mujhe!!!!


Now i am not someone who believes in all this rubbish(for thats what it is!)but well.....hear me out.
We went to MP cuz my father had to attend some All-India-rubbish-conference so this one day..just hours before we were to leave for Gwalior, I was sitting on the steps of Minto Hall , the venue of the conference in Bhopal, waiting for Mum and Dad to arrive.

Switch over to the railway station.

I am perfectly healthy and all and am busy staring at this twenty something Punjabi girl cuz her tights were too tight!! Now ..now ..dont get ideas and all...In my defence any one would have!they were tooooooooo tight , man!
Ma nudges me.
pata hai....jab tum stairs par baithi thi , toh for a moment i wondered who this cool gal is...u were looking good, beta.
I give her a ooh-wow-!!!-a-compliment look
Let me add here that my mother has some problems with distant vision and she does not wear specs.But on times like this i prefer to ignore such teeny-weeny insignificant details....*casual look*

Two minutes pass.

ACHHHHEEEEEE!!
ACHHHEEEEEEE
ACHHHHEHEEEEEEEEEEE

Ten minutes pass. Shatabdi is 2 minutes late or something.My head is ready to burst with pain!

15 minutes pass.
My eyes are red.My forehead is hot. I have fever.

During the one hour journey from Bhopal to Gwalior I busy myself thinking about how i wud like to murder everone in sight.The copy BT which graces my hands is sometimes a knife, sometimes a revolver ....phew!
ny the time I got down the train, i got this tiny feeling that there is some kind of a n ulcer in my mouth, right where this crooked tooth would continuously hurt it....hmmm....

We stayed with an old friend of Dad who also happens to be an eye surgeon. they were very very hospitable and tried their best to keep us engaged during the day. But me, poor , poor me.....no life left at all....could hardly take in the historically important city with as much enthusiasm as i felt for it. The only time i perked up was when we drove through Scindia school...:D I had never been inside an all boys boarding school before , so well...that was the only time i was vaguely alert!

Now we came back home , in one piece ..err..i mean in 3 differnt pieces, the fever was not there,no cold,but...
(this word 'but'...*deep sigh!!* )
that teeny little ulcer had become the biggest thing i had ever seen in my entire life!!!!
My mum is one of those ppl who do not believe that headaches exist. She 'll look at you sadly and say," i think, its brain tumour"

Right hand paining???
"heart attack!!!!!"

khansi aa rahi hai???
"pneumonia!"

Simple as that.
So, you have an ulcer thats here to stay types??? "MOuth cancer!" was be my mother's verdict!
simple as that!!

My Dad's the complete opposite, go to him with a report that says that you are going to die in 3 days cuz u ahve some dreaded form of cancer and he'll look at you and say a cheery" arre, no tension!! fruits khao, active raho...sab theek hojayega"!

Anyways coming back to my ulcer.That wretched thing made my life hell!!! I could not eat, could not speak(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) , could not smile, could not drink water, could not yawn...grrrrrr...could not even use a big spoon!!!
Now add to that the fact that i was eating something like two spoonfuls of rice with dal and nothing else in an entire day, obvio my health would fall naa??!!! Like isnt it obvious???!!!!
I ahve some aunties who inspect me each time they come. They grade me on 3 things.
1. Complexion.
2. Weight.
3.Proverbial glow on the face.

I lost 3 kgs in 4 days.I turned about 3 shades darker in 4 days and the elusive glow well...remained elusive.
How i totally dreaded their visit should it happen.i knew exactly wat would come out of their too-red mouths the moment i would enter the drawing room !!!
But thankfully none of them graced us with their presence!*thank you God for these big things!!!love you!*
But I was scared that one of them might turn up!!! gosh!!!!

Anyways , ultimately , even my dad got a bit tense, mainly after he saw me take about one hour to finsh about two tiny spoonfuls of rice . So he got me Oracep!

Do you know pain ? Unadulterated?
I know it now!Man!! That Oracep!!&^%%@@#@@!@!##$%^^&&%$#@
the moment i would put that slimy thing on my ulcer my whole being would be consumed with one and only one thing. PAIN! searing, unadulterated , unyielding, vicious pain.
the kind that blocks out evrthing , the kind taht leaves you breathless.

I dont know myself , really. When i am hungry, i dont realise that i am hungry. I go to Ma and tell how nice Chowmein is, or how yummy bulls eye is..and she gets the picture and makes me gobble up unintersting rotiz and sabziz!!So i never really realised how much of pain i was in while i put that medicine till i caught Ma looking at me.The look on her face said it all and I immediately looked in the mirror to see a breathless me, lips white with pain.
hmmmm....
Anyways, Oracep worked wonders and now i am back to normal.
I think it'll take me one /two days to put on the lost few kgs but other than that me doing good!!

yesterday me and Ma were talking.Actually no...well..Ma was trying to sleep in my room while i was studying, both of us were on the same bed.So i crawled up to her, took out my pen and made a huge dot on her forhead.
Ma growled " yeh kya kar rahi ho??!!!!!!"
" ab tumhe nazar nahi lagegi", I said angelically.
Ma( she has no respect for the love i ahve for her) :Stop it or ab pitegi!!!!
All remains silent for some time. Ma tries to sleep again. I look at her bare hands, ab hands ko nazar lag gayi toh???
I put this huge dot on her hands.
Ma( totally irritated) : stop it aur ab i'll start!!!
Me: arre, meri nazar lag jaati tumhare haath ko??, i had to put this dot, mera farz tha *beatific smile*
ma: arre bachchon ki nazar nahi lagti Ma ko.
Me: Ma ki bhi nahi lagti!
Ma: ma ki sabse jyadah lagti hain. Remember ,you fell sick miutes after i told you that you were looking good!!

HHHMMMMMPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Ramblings....
Well i have about 10 minutes before i get down to padhai so i thot i'll blog....Loads of work is piling up now, md semesters begin on Monday and i have to increase the number of hours i am putting in for CAT...i really dun know how much is enough..i know i know..its differnt for evryone and all that, but i cannot understand how much time i shud give to CAT ki padhai...Like a lot of ppl tell me that sine curve waali theory...peak at the right time and all that..but i am wondering if not studying as much as i can tight now could backfire ultimately....
I find myself enjoying it so much more than Btech ki padhai..Its after a long long time that i am doing some kind of padhai that i am enjoying as well...
good for me, i guess..

Amit asked me, through one of his comments ,about how i spent my budday.Well for once, afetr a long time i have something to share :D. For the first time in my life someone threw a surprise budday party for me...!!!!!!!!!!!
yess!!
yess!!!
My Mum and Dad arranged it all and at 8 in the night my Dad called up from his clinic and he was like , hey lets go out for dinner. I was in bed by that time watching the telly and all and i was like lets leave it now and all that.Bhai keeps calling in the meant time asking weird questions like where are you rigt now et etc...So then when i reach Nerulaz I SEE FRIENDS WITH GIFTS( : D ) STANDING THERE!!!!!
It was soooo terribly nice .
Got gifts from nani, mamiz , cuzns, frnds, bhai...who sent me a very simple card that reduced me to tears....( jab non senti ppl thoda bhi senti kaam karte hai toh aisa hi hota hai: ) ).nivindya, poor gurl kept calling home but i was too buzy with my budday bash so i was not at home, so i could not speak to her....
The day itself startd with a surprize...
listen to this...
It was liek around 8 in the morning and no one was home.I was in my red Pjz and horrendous blue pullover. The door bell rings. I think its the doodh waala....grumbling i open the door to see a absolutely gorgeous looking Latika holding this HUGE bunch of flowers at the door!!
she lives like real far from my home and the pains she must have taken to come over!!!*deep but happy sigh!*It was sooooo sweet!!!!!
I really appreciate the effort some ppl in my life take to make things special for me......
In between moring and evening i was sooo ultra sad and depressed, dunno why though..it always happens on buddayz..mayb cuz i am supposed to be happy , i get depressed but then i thot about all these ppl for whom i am important and then it was okay. the surprize budday party was the absolute icing on the cake.
so, this year it was the first time that i:
a) got a HUGE bouquet!!!( isase pehle nevah got one ,as surprising as it may be:) ) There were yellow flowres cuz yellow is the color of friendship and pink ones cuz latika knows pink is my fave color!!
B)surprize budday bash!
c) actually had to miss my first lecture in college cuz i was so busy taking calls from ppl!!!!! you know it was soo damn funny that morning!! i wud be like talking on the fone , tab tak someone wud call on my cell, dad wud keep the caller buzy tll i finished with the land line, by then dad's cell wud start ringing!!
it was so funny!! So ultimately i had leave the morninings lesson!!!
funny reason kilass chodane ka...
bus ab cuz like 15 minutes ho gaye hai!!!!
gotta go and study ERP , i have quiz in the last period today and plus Midsems aa rahen hai..plus aaj i have my choching also...so no time!!!

bijee as a beee.
Moon walker

Will reply to the comments of the previous post in some time...

Back!!!!

I am back!!!
From Madhya pradesh and will post about it later.
I just returned like an hour ago. I m still in my jeans and a light pink+grey+blue+white striped v neck sweater that i bought with Nivindya when she was home some time back.I have not as of yet taken off my pink and white NIkes either.Dad is reading the newspaper and Ma is in the kitchen. The house is quiet....

I did some heavy duty thinking during these past 4 days...dunno why but i wanted to make some sense out of myself!!
why am i here?
am i doing what i really want to?
There are things about myself that i am kinda okay with, somethings that i even like but most of them i cannot stand.
I hate my temper. Its one of those quick to rise quick to fall ones, but thats not the point. When i am angry its very rare that i'll go upto that person and tell him/her hey, you did this /said this and i did not like it blah blah blah...
No I do not. I just keep shut. It lessens the complications.

I worry too much. About little things. About weird things. About things taht have not happened. About things that will not happen. I hate it. but then i think i like it as well....i dont know!!!I so dont know ...i think i am crazy , really!!

I cant hurt someone on purpose. Its like if some does something bad to me, i can't do the same to him/her. I really cannot. I wish i could, maybe one feels better after that.....

I am too much of a good girl.

Okay let it be, the list in head is becoming way too long now:D
I lovvvveeeeeeeeee families where people are bherry bherry close to one another.I just love it!!You know, i think it is so totally important for kids to be brought up in an envoirnmnet where they know that they are loved and cherished .
I love looking at parents with their bachchas when they are unaware or eyes on them.
Its nice to see a little chubby girl pointing out something she finds intersting to her mum and the mum smiling and listening with great attention to watever the 3 yr old has to say...

It so nice to see men taking care of their mothers who are old and are ailing....My mama and tau ji are both fantastic sons. It is soo nioce to see the sons and more importantly the daughters-in-law being nice to the older people when no one is looking...
I hope and pray to God that my parents never need my help per se but if they do, God please let me take good care of them.The same goes for my in-laws in case i marry...

A house full of love, a family full of love, a heart full of love.

I don't understand why families fight over money and land. It does not happen in my family but it does happen elsewhere , right? I really have no idea about what kind of stuff i have or will have but whatever i have, is as much Bhaiz as it is mine.I just do nmot understand this stuff, i do not understand the mentality behind fighting with your family over money.
Money is RUBBISH!
Coming from a normal middle class family , ofcourse , i have been taught to respect money. Anyone whose parents work hard to earn moeny should respect money and all but fighting over money????? i dont understand it.

I love pink:)

Sometimes i wonder about my future....i am not cut out for engg but i am doing it..i never wanted to really, like i was never passionate about it and all but i thought it was a sensible decision ....i still think it is a sensible one...but..
(aah...the 'but' says it all!)

I wonder why people give so much importance to good looks...that also is something i fail to understand...
I am not saying this coz i am no Aishwarya Rai look alike , i wud have had this view even if i were. btw, if i were ash, abhishek bachcha mite have been a prospective grrom*blush, blush*
being an average looking girl i have had my share compliments and comments and i find both equally ridiculous.
Though having extremely good looking parents does not help much!!!:D
I really dont thinks looks matter.Really, they dont!
But sometimes when u try out dresses and u look in the mirror one does sigh deeply. It is a i-wish-i-had-papaz-eyes/i=wish-i-had-Maz-nose moment!:D

okay okay ab boht ho gaya.
it was nice talikng to you.
Tomm is Valentines Day. It means nothing very special to me.I'll just ahve to bear a couple of sidey remarks from road side Romeos when i retun from colg tomm;
however,here is wishing evryone!!
Happy Valentines Day all!!
Specially to Nivindya, Ranjan, Putra, Shreyansh, Prajji,Sudhir bhaiya:)

Dear Bhai,





Today,for the first time ever,its the 4th of Feb and all four of us are not together.

Today, for the first time ever, its the 4th of feb and there is going to be no sign of Rachit, Gaurav and Pummy.

Today, for the first time ever, its the 4 th of feb and no one is making me go crazy pestering me for a gift!

Today, for the first time ever ,i wont be able to wish you in person.
But what the heck!
I have called you, and now i will wish you here!
Happy Budday , Dude!!!!!!
Happy BUdday!!!
Happy Budday!!!!!!:D *hugs*

Sending you loads of love, hugs and the bestest of wishes from all the three of us here.Have a great day,a great year,a great life.Moi z there whenever you need any help or support.

Happy Birthday, once again bhai!
Love,
Didi.

p.s. tum ek saal aur buddhe ho gaye:P

Poorani baatein





"What was the time????"
As simple as that!
I ask ten people and i get ten different answers.I just want to know what time i was born at.I ask Ma and she gives me a 'for-god's-sake-i-was-having-a-baby-grrrrrr' look.
I ask Dad and he says confidently "4:30 in the evening, beta".
I ask Dadi, just to confirm and she says" 11:30 in the morning , beta".
" But Dadi, Papa to shyam ko bol rahe hai"
"Kya??? arre us ladake ko kutch pata rehta hai!!!! Nahin, beta subah hi paida hui thi,tum".
side note: According to Dadi anyone less than 60 years is still a ladka or a ladki depending on their gender.

Me to Dad: "But, Dad, Dadi toh subah bol rahi hain!!!"
Dad:"kya????arre unhe kya pata ,woh bhool gayi hongi!!"

My point here is that not only am i my parents' first born i am also the only girl in the family!! And they dont even remember the time!!!Leave alone the exact precise time, my people cannot even come to a conclusion about what part of the day it was!

Now, obviously many of you are scratching your respective heads and wondering why don't I simply have a look at my birth certificate to confirm!Well, you see, I really can't trust my BC at all.I have no faith in it or errr...them...I have , in all ,two BCs.Let me llaborate.

BC #1.:
This one is the original one. Its nice and must have been a crisp sheet of paper once upon a time, many many years ago.It is a pretty shade of pink .
PINK.
PINK!!!!.

It gives the number of the ward and the room in which i was born. And you know what?? My dad and I, born 30 years and 7 days apart ,both came into this world , in the same hospital,in the same ward ,in the same room.

Room No 7.

My brother born a year and a day after me, breathed his first, on his own, in a room just next door to the one i was born in.:)

BUt now, coming back to the BC.
It is full of not so nice to read things which basically mean very nice to know things like me and Ma doing good.It says that my tongue is pink in colour( as if there was some chance that it could be silver!!), It gives my weight.In ounces. It says that my mother's blood pressure is normal.It also has a capital 'M'in the 'gender of the baby' column.
M.
M!!
M!!!
For the unintiated M in such places means male.
M-A-L-E.
My birth certificate says that i am a male child.

Ahem.


This lead to obvious doubt in my head that i got exchanged at the clinic.The handsome young couple I refer to as Ma and Chacha( for I actually call my Dad , of all things , Chacha!) might not be my Ma and Chacha. The fact that my cousin used to tell me that I was picked up from atop a garbage dumb where I lay crying, with just one arm and no legs , as dogs and pigs ate lunch, breakfast and dinner around me did nothing to help.However, as I so totally totally and totally look like my Dad and Dadi...I am now at peace about that, but at one point of time...there was some serious doubt in my mind.
Hence and there for i do NOT use the original birth certificate.I mean like I can't!!
THis brings us to BC#2.

BC#2 :

This is the birth certificate that I do use.
It is written by my Dad,in the fake capacity as the doctor incharge.
Signed by both Baba and Tauji as senior doctors.

How many of you can boast of birth certificates which are totally'made-in-the-family' sorts??

By the way,when I was born , the first thing my father did was to count the number of hands and legs I was the proud owner of . It came to a grand total of 6, but he reasoned and reasonably so that any excess limbs could be dealt with later.
Jyada theek hai, kum hota toh problem thi.

I shall mention here that right from day one I have had 2 hands and two legs.
Only. Thank you.
I am also a girl. I have been one since the day I was born.Yes, I am sure. Thank you.
I did not get exchanged at the hospital.Yes, I am quite sure here also.
Have a nice day , I hope I will.
Adios.
Moonwalker.