I am happy right now....again for a silly and juvenile reason..a midsem test scheduled for tomm has been postponed...and i am feeling light and without a care on this planet sorts:) but that is not what i intend to talk about here.
A couple of days ago after a bad day wherein loads of things went wrong ( including me shouting ,which since i am very soft spoken had till now been a technical impossibilty , at the top of my lungs at the bus conductor who spoke very very rudely to this old lady. I dont know why i reacted the way i reacted coz i really hate any confrontation of any sort..i hate ppl shouting, i hate fights, i hate angry words and my mum is correct when she tells me i'm not fit for existing on this planet! ) i had a bad night.
I had a dream.....i dreamt that my father is not well....and the dream was very very graphic, very real..i could feel so much in that dream..it was very scary..the dream continued to become more and more frightening and ( gosh.. the dream is so clear in my mind even now..i call recall so much of it as i type)therefore before things became very bad in the dream i woke up with a start...Now bad dreams is something that i guess runs in my family...mum is a sad victim and so i guess, am i..but i'm not those filmi types who wake up all huffing and puffing (whith perfect hair...God only knows how! )..i'm more like the calm ones ( so much like me to be calm when its okay to get hyper and be hyper when its only normal to be calm! )....i just calmy tell my self that the dream was a dream..and if i cant get back to sleep i just pick up some book which generally soothens me and i am asleep in some time. Worse comes to worst the novel does not work ..so then i head towards my always faithful and ultra soporific book on Design and Analysis of Algos by Navathe -that always works!!!
But this tme it was different..i knew no book on this planet would sooth me...no words will calm me ...so i did not even try picking up a book...simply picked my pillow in one hand and my coverlet in the other and went to mum and Dads room...woke both of them up... Dad couldnt help but smile at me clasping my pillow to myself and dragging the coverlet on the floor with the other hand and said," burra dream aaya...??? ". I nodded a yes and told them i had seen Dad ill in the dream and that i cant sleep in my room...so well, i slept once again after soooo many years between mum and dad , exactly the way i used to when i was very little , holding mums hand even as i slept.
Well, i digressed....that is not what i wish to write about....the point is...that since the dream was real, very real.. i coulf feel all that was happening....and i felt ( in the dream) how tremendous my responsibilty had become..i am the eldest child of my parents..i could feel the responsibilities....responsibilities that in reality do not exist(tw) but i did get a taste of them....in my dream i was calculating how long it would be before i start working; things changed...i dont know how to express it......
And when i woke up...its like ..hey , all is the same..i can wadddle to mum and dads room and all that i am supposed to do is study , help mummy in the kitchen once in a while, dont become a 'daaku' or a terrorist, get my legs pulled by bhai, try and hit him twice if he hits me once,think of CAT ,worry about the end sems, nod my head and smile when people ask my mother how she brought me up coz they want their daughters to be like me,nod my head and smile when after a quiz a proff asks the entire class if anyone has studied as much as Ruchi has....but at the same time i was not comforted coz now i know how things can change in a split second....
I dont want anything bad to happen to anyone, not even the people i like the least, no one!
But then as i told Shreyansh ( btw i have been thinking about the MD guy ever since i read ur post) If God gives you a problem then he will give you the courage to face it . period.
May God Bless You All.....