Wednesday, November 09, 2005

OF Dreamz.......
I am happy right now....again for a silly and juvenile reason..a midsem test scheduled for tomm has been postponed...and i am feeling light and without a care on this planet sorts:) but that is not what i intend to talk about here.
A couple of days ago after a bad day wherein loads of things went wrong ( including me shouting ,which since i am very soft spoken had till now been a technical impossibilty , at the top of my lungs at the bus conductor who spoke very very rudely to this old lady. I dont know why i reacted the way i reacted coz i really hate any confrontation of any sort..i hate ppl shouting, i hate fights, i hate angry words and my mum is correct when she tells me i'm not fit for existing on this planet! ) i had a bad night.
I had a dream.....i dreamt that my father is not well....and the dream was very very graphic, very real..i could feel so much in that dream..it was very scary..the dream continued to become more and more frightening and ( gosh.. the dream is so clear in my mind even now..i call recall so much of it as i type)therefore before things became very bad in the dream i woke up with a start...Now bad dreams is something that i guess runs in my family...mum is a sad victim and so i guess, am i..but i'm not those filmi types who wake up all huffing and puffing (whith perfect hair...God only knows how! )..i'm more like the calm ones ( so much like me to be calm when its okay to get hyper and be hyper when its only normal to be calm! )....i just calmy tell my self that the dream was a dream..and if i cant get back to sleep i just pick up some book which generally soothens me and i am asleep in some time. Worse comes to worst the novel does not work ..so then i head towards my always faithful and ultra soporific book on Design and Analysis of Algos by Navathe -that always works!!!
But this tme it was different..i knew no book on this planet would sooth me...no words will calm me ...so i did not even try picking up a book...simply picked my pillow in one hand and my coverlet in the other and went to mum and Dads room...woke both of them up... Dad couldnt help but smile at me clasping my pillow to myself and dragging the coverlet on the floor with the other hand and said," burra dream aaya...??? ". I nodded a yes and told them i had seen Dad ill in the dream and that i cant sleep in my room...so well, i slept once again after soooo many years between mum and dad , exactly the way i used to when i was very little , holding mums hand even as i slept.

Well, i digressed....that is not what i wish to write about....the point is...that since the dream was real, very real.. i coulf feel all that was happening....and i felt ( in the dream) how tremendous my responsibilty had become..i am the eldest child of my parents..i could feel the responsibilities....responsibilities that in reality do not exist(tw) but i did get a taste of them....in my dream i was calculating how long it would be before i start working; things changed...i dont know how to express it......
And when i woke up...its like ..hey , all is the same..i can wadddle to mum and dads room and all that i am supposed to do is study , help mummy in the kitchen once in a while, dont become a 'daaku' or a terrorist, get my legs pulled by bhai, try and hit him twice if he hits me once,think of CAT ,worry about the end sems, nod my head and smile when people ask my mother how she brought me up coz they want their daughters to be like me,nod my head and smile when after a quiz a proff asks the entire class if anyone has studied as much as Ruchi has....but at the same time i was not comforted coz now i know how things can change in a split second....
I dont want anything bad to happen to anyone, not even the people i like the least, no one!
But then as i told Shreyansh ( btw i have been thinking about the MD guy ever since i read ur post) If God gives you a problem then he will give you the courage to face it . period.
May God Bless You All.....
Ruchi.

16 comments:

dotty_pixie said...

after a very very long time, i get to be the 1st to comment!let me savour the moment!!:)
let's see..responsibility..scared of that word.im in the same position you are..eldest in the family and worse i have a sis,no bro!right now,i can come bak to my home and be a kid once again..im scared to think of a world where that safety doesn't exist.you know me na..im scared to grow up..im happy where i am..thank you very much..
sadly,dusnt function that way does it?so let's just all hope for the best.
:)

ranjan said...

Others will surely comment on the nature of the post and the issues involved :), but sorry, i can't let this once not pull ur leg...

Now by ur own admission..u r a muggoo :)), now don't u dare delete this post...:D

Pradyot said...

Same shoes.. more reckless.. total idiot... I would have been more scared in that dream. How come you call it "dream" and not a nightmare?

Oh and you are a muggoo... the lingo (quiz/muggoo/B.Tech) sounds a lot like IIT.. so let me ask... you in IITB?

Andy said...

Bad dream... hope u don't have any further.

And yes... one thing. I believe that it's the BEST feeling in the world to sleep between mum and dad.

...and hey, I like the way you've put up all your life's worries in a single sentence in "all that i am supposed to do is study , help mummy in the kitchen once in a while, dont become a 'daaku' or a terrorist, get my legs pulled by bhai, try and hit him twice if he hits me once,think of CAT ,worry about the end sems, nod my head and smile when people ask my m..."

Canary said...

hey, postponing of exam calls for a party..!! :)
and y does a little girl lik u seems to b getting so tensed lately? smile dear.. :)
take care..

the chairman said...

Man , after reading this post , i checked out your profile to find out your age , expecting it to be six years.

As for dreams , ever since class ninth , I have had this dream where I am writing a maths exam in my school.There are questions frm differential calculus and stuff.And in the dream , I know as much about the answers as george bush would know about haryanvi language.Waise even outside the dream , thats the case with me.

As for responsibilty , you better gear up.Its a "RAT" race out there.Or shall we say , 'mouse' race ?

Raam Pyari said...

nivindya----wow..u first!!!! yay!!!!!haan..thats rite..but i laso know you'll be absolutely fine!!!!!mera asheerwaad tumhare saath hai...

Ranjan---pull my leg as much as you wish to..myb i'll elongate a coupla inches :D
now i want to delete this post also..but naah i wont.Its my blog and i'll write what i wish to; doesnt matter what anyone might think, right?:)


Pradyot---i was fully aware of my error in calling a nightmare a dream.. but was too lazy to correct it:D
naah..am not from iit. Ranjan calls me a muggoo :) ; hes the one from iit, i gather!

Andy---yeah i hope so too..i hate them as well..hate them real bad!!!!

Asthaa---aah..gurls sense things faster than guys;)...naah...i am okay..thanks for your concern..wish i had some more gurls on mah blog:)

Abhinav--
//Man , after reading this post , i checked out your profile to find out your age , expecting it to be six years.
Cant really help it if i sound childish /stupid/dumb /inane...have already mentioned in previous posts that i AM substantially idiotic and stupid...

am pretty geared up for anything that involves choohez!!!!

Anyonewho might be intersted-----i am goin to be outta the scene for some time (3 days or so...). Keep posting ppl and catch up with you soon.
take care.
and bye for the time being.

Shreyansh said...

Hey dont ya worry anymore about the MD guy .
As Amanda Marshall says,"Everybody's got a story that could break your heart".

Every person who comes in your life or is part of your life, has some or the other function(if thats the right word) that life wants him/her to perform for you. The best thing we can do is to experience and learn with every passing moment.
May be life made me meet that guy so that I can live as there is no tomorrow , loving my loved ones , living a lively life.

So cheer up.
Kya pata Kal Ho naa Ho...... :)

rimjhim said...

Hey Ruchi..
that was a dream afterall...

and its good..that a dream made u realized ur responsibilities..u know in my home..I am alves supposed to be most careless among all siblings..
But when last time..my younger brother fell sick..they were pleasently surprised with thw way i handled the situation all alone..

So I think..When problems come..U urself become stronger and braver to handle it..and moreover when the prob is realted to ppl u lov most..U acxtually can go the end of the world..to ease situations out!!
take care

Canary said...

lol..! ya u're rit..
by the way, i just saw dat i dont figure in ur blogroll..! :(

Obi Wan said...

Heavy-duty stuff again. Methinks enough morale boosting things have already been said, so won't add to that. Will only congratulate you that you are a really lucky gal, u have the option of waking from a nightmare and going to your parents room for safety and comfort! There are a lot of us who can, at best, go to the living room and watch TV, since we are staying in different worlds because of 'paapi pet'! A humble request, for your next post, pls try to pick a more cheerful topic for a change:-)

Abhishek said...

here for da first time.....too good blog.keep up da good work.

Raam Pyari said...

Shreyansh---u know what i want to say about ur comment :)

rinku---Welcome to mah blog :)
yuss u are right...problems , at times, bring out the best in us...

Astha--abhi ruko..one sec mein karti hoon..
had tried it once before but something had gone rong..:(

obiwan---:) okay okay..no more rona dhona, i promise
*goes to blogger to write a post on why she has been feeling so depressed lately,...hehhe.. old habits die hard ;)*

abhishek---thanks! welcome to mah place and keep visiting :)

shubhasish said...

hi ruchi,
i came across your blog via suhas' blog.
Read quite a few of ur posts and found them interesting, infact it seemed like our views are similar on lot of aspects in life.I wanted to know u better, if u think so too plz drop in a mail to me shubh22ch@yahoo.co.in
Myself too a 3rd yr engg student
chalo
see ya
hoping for a reply
bye

susubala said...

Nice to go through your post on dreams. Even I am thinking of posting one on dreamzzz...

Bye, have a nice day.

Raam Pyari said...

susubala---hey welcome to mah blog!!!!!!!
:)