Ah..Well.....

The last report has been made and just one more ppt is left. With that , this whole thing would come to an end for me and 116 others who I lived with for the last 2 years.

I have learnt more in the last 2 years than in the other 22 put together. It was the first time I stepped out of home.

The first time I saw alcohol and drunk men was at the freshers party here. I still cannot go on to the dance floor with those 100 odd drunk men. :P

I made some ossum friends. For various or should I say, the same reason I have had to let go of a couple of them. I will always wonder. Always.

I studied like there was no tomorrow. And, boy, I sure am glad that I did!

I will always regret not going to France for that Student Exchange- even if by some quirk of fate I end up spending the rest of my life in France. I honestly think I should have gone. Really.

I feel extremely apprehensive about my future. That does not seem justified coming from me at this point in time when so many worthy people are without jobs and I have a good one in hand. Yet I cannot help but feel that way.

There have been some major changes in my life of late. I don’t know whether they have been for the good or bad. That I guess time alone will tell.

Just feeling a little weird....I doont know what it is...

Love

RP

O Jerusalem!

It has been ages…or maybe it is the first time that I like a book so much. It was a desparate need for something to read that made me pick up this copy of ‘ O jerusalem’ a couple of days back. As it turns out I am so totally fascinated by the Jews and Jerusalem that it seems that the book is consuming every bit of my thought process.

The following is now one of my favourite bits in the book. It is a speech given by a lady called Golda Meir, who later became Israel’s 4th Prime Minister (She is, I gather the original Iron Lady ). Ms Meir had gone to the US to get the American Jews to donate money liberally. The American Jews were by now getting very weary of the constant demand for money that the Jewish community engaged in the Civil War (Arab Israel war of 1948). Before she went to US, $5 mn was expected, she went to US with a target of $25mn and when she came she had with her $50mn. Enjoy it J

“When I tell you that I have not come to the United States solely to prevent 700 thousand Jews from being wiped off from the face of the earth. During these last years the Jewish people have lost 6 million of their kind and it would be presumptuous indeed of us to remind the Jews of the world that 700 hundred thousand of them are in danger. That is not the question. If, however, these 700 thousand Jews survive, then the Jews of the world will survive with them and their freedom will be assured for ever. But if they do not, then there is little doubt that for centuries there will be no Jewish people, there will be no Jewish nation, and all our hopes will be smashed.
A Jewish state shall exist in Palestine. We shall fight for its birth. That is natural.
We shall pay for it with our blood. That is normal.
The best amongst us will fall. That is certain.
But what is equally certain is that our morale will not falter no matter how numerous our invaders might be. Invaders would come with cannon and armor. Against those weapons sooner or later our courage will have no meaning, for we will have ceased to exist.
I have come to ask the Jews of America for 24-30 million dollars to buy the heavy arms they would need to face the invaders’ cannon.
My friends, we live in a very brief present. When I tell you we need this money immediately, it does not mean next month or in 2 months. It means right now.
It is not to you to decide whether we shall continue our struggle or not. We shall fight. The Jewish community of Palestine will never hang the white flag before the Mufti of Jerusalem. But you can decide one thing- whether the victory will ours or the Mufti’s.”

When she came back David Ben- Gurion the 1st PM of Israel and the leader of the struggle for a separate Jewish state, had this to say to her -
“The day when history is written, Golda, it will be recorded that it was thanks to a Jewish woman that the Jewish state was born.”

Love
RP

P.S. I really want to visit Jerusalem now!

It was one of those days when very little of what happened made any sense. But the important thing is to take everything in your stride and move on…so that’s how it shall be.
Anyways, now coming to something which should be and is more important! I got placed! J
Things are very bad this year and most of my batch mates [ some of them I believe are much more deserving than I am, still unplaced].I got placed on the 9th of January this year, in the one company I had been chanting the name of for the past few weeks. It’s a good company,they pay well and the work hopefully will be good.
The purple shirt lived upto its name. And the newly styled hair definitely helped :P
More than anything else, I am very relieved. Very very relieved. If I had to go through today with all that tension of being jobless as well I dunno how I would have reacted.
Maybe I will come back later to give you guys a more detailed account of all that happened.Infact I think I will.See you later. Be good and Be strong.
Love
RP.

The previous links:
1.My first job interview
http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_archive.html
2. The second one
http://smilethesmile.blogspot.com/search?q=adobe

Some of my earliest memories

 

This other day I don’t why but I started thinking real hard trying to figure out my earliest memory. I spent considerable time on it and was completely lost thinking about it….I thought I will share them with you.

 

1.      Wearing a white frock with pink polka dots on it and dancing in the rain in this huge verandah at home as Dad clicked pictures of me. [I used to dance  a lot when I was younger, had almost completely stopped till some time back. However, I am planning to start again]

2.      Swinging on the white gate which led to our drive way, counting the cars that whizzed by, waiting for Dad to come back from his clinic.

3.      Dark and windy. It was very late in the night. Dad was not home yet. Mum was horribly scared. I had climbed the aforementioned gate and I remember wishing so bad that the next car would be Dad’s as I strained to hear the horn which I could and still can hear from atleast .75 of a kilometer.. [ you must remember these were ancient days where no mobile phones existed ] Nothing happened, it was just that there were too many patients that day and the phone was not working but I have never forgotten that night. This memory remains like a picture in my mind

4.      This girl called Geeta used to help Mum take care of me and Bhai. She was one of my first friends and we were ossum pals. She used to pick out the peas from rice for me so that I could eat the rice in peace

5.      The red lehenga I wore in Upper Prep for  my birthday. The first and the last time I wore oneJ

6.      My Mum used to put my brother and me to bed and to pre-empt any ladai, she used to sleep in between us. I remember this particular night like it were yesterday. My brother had this habit of telling a beeeeg long war story to some imaginary people who were very interested in it. So, there I was, trying to sleep , after as hard a day as any class one girl can have, while bhai continued with his story with all the sound effects. I remember complaining to mum.

7.      Mum’s silly bed time stories which always had a big monkey/elephant/giant who used to make life hell for these innocent villagers who then would come to either my brother or me for help and since we were super heroes of some order , we would in a matter of seconds after displaying not only great skill but also remarkable intelligence, annihilate the very existence of the monkey. Elephant/ giant.

8.      The big huge cradle which was as big as a double sized bed which was used by my cousin, me and finally my brother.

9.      Breaking into tears on seeing Mum cry. Ofcourse now I am not such a baby! Huh! Now I need to just see her look upset to start crying.*tries to look embarrassed*

10.  My parents think that we [ bhai and I] often used to fall asleep in the car.I don’t think I have ever fallen asleep in any car. I just pretended to be asleep as  I loved being carried back to my room in Dad’s arms as he tried all that he could to make sure that I did not ‘wake’ up.

11.  It used to be my favorite part of any Sunday. I used to get up late [around 8] and the whole room would be spotlessly clean and my Mum would be pottering around , looking so pretty in a saree with that red bindi on her forehead.

12.  Sitting in the garden with my Dad , about to leave for school. My Dad used to point out all the different flowers to me as I ate my breakfast

13.  “What do you think of all the time’, I had once asked my brother when I guess I was in class One or maybe younger

And now I think I can go on and on…..as they say , you never know when you are making a memory!

 

So that I remember....

Often under similar circumstances have I blogged.Often I have chosen not to and always have I regretted...
I dunno, maybe it was a lucky chance....but still it happened.Amidst all the nonsense that I was going through something nice was being planned for me.... Given all my modesty, in head I was on cloud nine! :)

Bleh!

It is one of those mornings when all seems wrong. It’s not like I haven’t had a morning like this in ages but its just that today I hope to write it off.

I am just so restless about so many things, there are things that don’t seem correct, I don’t know how to go about them, there is uncertainty all around…I suddenly don’t know if there is anyone I can talk about this to.

Generally I feel like talking it out with my Mum but Nani is not doing well and I dont want to make things worse for her.She can do with out my nonsense for some time .

There is just too much going on in my tiny li’l head, I guess.

Hopefully you guys are having a better time
Have a nice day,
RP.

Hey,
So, I am now well into the 5th Trimester. I came to Delhi on the 31st of June 2007 – it has been almost one and a half years ….it seems like eternity..almost as if I was always here, like this….A few random points that came to my head today

• There have been very high highs and very low lows in this time, the important thing is that I lived through it all ..hehe
• Today we had some industry hot shots and since it was a fin company I felt totally disconnected and disinterested. It was then that the fake-ness of it all hit me hard.
  o We were all in formals trying to look interested while playing with our cells/ ipods
  o Fake questions were asked
  o Fake answers given
  o Fake accents used
  o Fake smiles, fake interest, fake conversation
• I have not worked honestly on a competition in a long time, I think it is time I changed that. Amen.
• It is important to feel happy for others - very ,very, very important
• I am reading this book called the ‘The Last Moughal ’ and after a long time I find myself so captivated by what the author wants to tell me.
• Some times I have images in my head which I have never seen- I have imagined them while reading descriptions given in books. And Boy! Do they stay!! It takes me time to figure out that they are imagined and that I have not actually seen them! Parks, Beth, Mr. Darcy, Scarlett O’ Hara, the first world war, the tiger in the boat, Robert Langdon, Indira Gandhi with her Mum as she slowly died due to TB in Switzerland ,Benazir Bhutto while her Dad was being taken away from her, random woman in an Iranian Jail listening to the cries of a fellow inmate being tortured in the next room , a Muslim woman being hugged by the daughter of a her husband’s new wife-both of whom she has started to like , a scar that runs down the right side of her face , the blind Black man who walks with the dog, the island the kids run away to and try to survive on, Harry Potter, Fatty and Mr Goon, Geisha, Ms Havisham and the stair case, David ,Paul M Emanuel and his expressions and how much I hated him in the beginning and how badly I fell in love with him :P ,Lucy in the attic, the quilt, the road in Japan in 1940s, Lance Armstrong in the hospital bed and the nurse who was like an angel
  
  The list does not stop J
  And I am glad it does not.
  
  Love
  RP
  
  PS: to those who worry about my absence, the few readers who as my counter tells me frequent my place with a regularity that definitely is neither earned nor deserved, do not worry. No News, as they sometimes say, is good news. Take care and sleep tight:)

So, the tri has dragged on to 12 weeks now.I am in the last week of the 4th trimester now.This will be followed by one week of exam, another week of port visit , one more week of home and the second last trimester here would begin.
I hated this place when I first came here and today I hate the thought that I would be leaving this place in another 6 months time.It scares me real bad.It is funny how I hated it so much and how much I love it right now.
Anyways, todays has been a lazy day, I have been feeling very lazy of late and am a little unwell too.I just had one class.An extended type of economics is dealt with in the class. The proff!! I so totally think I am in love with him and his way of teaching!!! He is ossum!!!The way he starst of with micro, puts in a little bit of macro and ends with developmental….aaaahhhhh…nothing like it. I swear I do not even miss half a sentence of what he says in class, I am so impressed with what he teaches!
Apart from this, I know things have been weird of late, I just want some strength..I need it so bad….I want someone out there to support me a little bit coz I am very tired of taking it all in…..I want to breathe easy…breathe easy once more….
Love to all
RP

Hi,
Yesterday I was visting my own blog after a long time and I started sifting through the previous posts…..its really funny you know when you have been blogging for so long – I can see a younger me in the earlier posts…I used to blog regularly then, so there is a lot about me there which I myself had forgotten.

Today is one of those rare occassioins when my B school has given me a holiday.I am now so used to working 7 days a week that a holiday seems odd and out of place though always welcome obviously!

Yesterday I had an important viva.It dealt with the summer project I had done for my summers some time back.Of late I had been avoiding giving presentations… I just felt that there are better presenters in our core project group.So the final compliment from the panel was a welcome surprise.

The reason why I mention this is because I have to stop undermining my own abilities.But then my mind becomes a slish-slosh of everything. I don’t know how useful it would be…I don’t know..there is so much running through my head.

Apart from this to day next month this time (its 8:53 am) I would be home! I have been missing home a lot these days.I am tired of taking care of myself, I just want good rest, a relaxed atmosphere, a nice clean loo, I want to decide which tube light is to be kept on and which off, I want nice food, I want to watch TV , I want to be driven around in a car and not in a rickety auto.These days I have been feeling very exhausted with all this….I just want to go back home and curl on the bed and sleep for 2 days straight!

One month seems like a lot of time.Particularly after L (remember her? My frnd back home) thought I was coming home on the 29th of August and not 29th of September.
I want time to hurry up- but for once I know that as time passes by the day I will have to leave all this will also come closer.I don’t know what to wish for. I have had some bad times here of late- God knows I have had.But there has been a lot of good behind that bad.There have been times when I have felt very lonely but those moments have been few and numbered. I had often thought that I would never make friends at B school but I have been proven wrong and I am so glad about that.

I like the easy camraderie I share with my roomie.How easily I can read all her expressions and how easliy she can inspite of being who she is [:P] read mine. There are things about her which obviously I cannot understand even after staying with her for over an year but t the same time it is funny how fond I have become of her.[tw]

There are other people on campus, though few in number whose friendship I really value.Anyways that would make a post in itself.I will come up with one if I feel I can or if I feel the need for it..:)
So today is a lazy day..actually not really-I have a lot of work to wrap up today and I think I should get going ….
Lots of love
And work hard.
RP

Hi,

After a very bad 5-6 months I have started feeling better again…It was like this huge wave –I knew it was coming, it came with full force and left me broken in a million pieces .
However, now things are looking good.I know somethings can happen and others cannot…you win some, you loose some.Thats the way it is.
Anywyas, lets leave that aside.The days are filled bup to the brim here and though I crib like anything I know that I love it this way.I love to slog I love to do decent work.It gives me a high of some sorts.
Also this trimester was bad with resoect to competitions.I just got one short list! No wins.Last trimester it was like I had the midas touch-anything I touched truned to a nice cheque.hehe..anyways I realised suddenly how difficult it is to win these stupid Business school competitions!
Apart from that , my end term exams are round the corner.I want to give them my best shot and I have been working accordingly for it.Or so I think. I knw Rank one is far away but atleast that stupid bronze medal should stay, right?
At the end of the day I can, I guess only work rest all is upto the cosmos….but I want to do my bit honestly and sincerely….
Lots of love
RP.

Shit!!
Oh no!
I really cannot believe that this has happened!
Yesterday was my blog’s third birthday and I completely forgot! :P

Okay, so my blog turns three.

Three long years.195 posts.

*sounds of trumpets and general rejoicing in blogedom*

I started blogging when I was in 2nd year of engineering so it has seen me through my two placements in college, the b skool entrance exams, first year of bskul and now my summers..it sure has been a long journey and I hope it continues:)

On the downside I know I no longer blog with the same regularity and the same passion with which I used blog when I was back home.People from bskuls will understand.
There is just so much happening at every point in time that I do not get the time/energy to do this bit…

But, at the same time my blog is always at the back of my mind.

So, Thank you friends [the few of you who remain ] ,thank you for taking out the time to read through the now very irregular posts :)

And yeah! Before I forget again.

Happy birthday , Blog!
Love,
RP

Random thoughts---Again
:)

*It is raining.

*It is comfortably cold.

*I called in sick at office today:)
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*My cousin got 94% in her Board exams and with that my record of getting the highest marks in the family comes to an end.The interesting thing is that my record lasted a good 8 years. *superior look*

*My latest obsession is trivia quizzing.I have started spending hours on quizzing sites, wiki et al. You will be surprised at how many interesting people and stories are around us.:)

* I have realised that I hate working, at a corporate office in formals and all, talking in hushed whispers – I just hate it.I do not like it at all.But may be I will in some time.I hope so, anyways.

*Today I googled and read about Arushi Sharma, since both my Mum and my Grand Dad were tellling me about her.Apart from everything else what struck me the most was that I used to look so different when I was 14. So much simpler.I am not saying that either is good or either is bad but it is just a casual observation.

*I watched Narnia day before yesterday.And I simply looovvvedddddd it! It is so ossumm.I wish things like that really happened. I am also very amazed at how much fantasy fiction attracts me to itself.

*I almost bought The Chronicles of Narnia myself yesterday.Only thing is it was too expensive and I did not have tat much of money.

*I would like to make a movie some day.

*May be I will buy myself a cam corder with the money I get for the internship.

*But actually I know I will not :

Happy rains
RP

The verdict

So, one year is done and over with.And the final verdict??

I love this place.

Totally. I don’t know if something real bad will happen next year and make me hate b skul but as of now..i love it every bit.
Last night I went for my now daily walk around campus and I was surprised at the memories that flooded me!!
The stairs where we were ragged, the hexagonal benches where again we were ragged, the academic building to which we rush to madly every morning during the trimester, the lane behind the hostel where I have taken umpteen number of walks with friends, the bench where I sat down and cheered the ’cricket’ match [infact just came back from cheering for another very happening match :P ]..hehe..The little garden like thing in front of the warden's house, the warm brown light at his door,the big huge trees and their beuatiful flowers which are a riot of colours in winter, the dhabas outside…the hostpitals nearby and the cremration grounds in front :P

So and so forth…. so many memories and all of them pleasant

I like the feeling of independence I get here. I like hanging out with friends..hell I even like the madness of classes and quizes which I invariably do badly in.
And btw, I love my class.I love us[err..:P ] because we are really cool.We are not as diligent as the other sectionbut neither are we as sderious or as mundane or as quiet , we fight like anything in class,the proffs , I have reasons to believe are scared of us..we can go crazy at times.I am glad I am in this section than the other.
The last trimester was very hectic.We did not even get a single Sunday off.We worked each day and on top of that I worked for competitions as well.So, yeah it was very very very hectic and now –with the summers going on, things are much more relaxed.

I like staying in the hostel even though there are very few people here.It is quiet.But lovely nevertheless.I love those walks I take in the night.
I am glad to be here now:)
Finally I think I have started thinking of this place as a home away from home:)
Love
RP

It is just sad I guess.

I dont even think I have an option.There is only one way and I know what it is. But I also know that all i need is time.Time works wonders. I believe in that..and I need more work.I think I will start studying..whatever where ever..just start working to keep myself sane.

I am in a quiet room in the basement of my hostel. With today being Day Zero of placements for the senior batch, this common room which is generally used for gruop meets etc breathes silence.

Today has been exceptionally quiet as I was in my room for the better part fo the day, working on a white paper which has to be submitted 5th midnight.

I have realised that I like working on White Papers a lot, I am not as hopeless with them as I had believed myself to be!

Life here has changed me in many ways. Somtimes I wonder how my life would have been had I not gotten through Bschool.
Maybe I would be married by now.
Maybe!
sheesh!

Anyways...

The city...slowly but steadily it seems to be growing on me. I like its broad roads, lined with trees on either sides...auto rides have become quite a hit with me now!!

phew! need to cut short the post..got more work for the paper :

BUy Buy

Daughter of the East!

I had bought my copy of 'Daughter of the East' many many years back.[ shit, am old enough to say things like now ::: ].However ,the hard bound thick book somehow always put me off.I always wanted to read it..but it sadly always was the book I was planning to read after my current read.

It was her assasination that made me quickly finish the book I was reading then and start with her autobiography.
Today while travelling for close to 10 hours in the traina nd then in the auto, I spent a lot of time with Ms Bhutto, and I cannot even begin to put in words how terribly impressed I am!!

She was an amazing woman, it is not easy to bear all that she has borne! and with so much dignity!
Without giving anything away, for the first time on this blog, I am actually going to ask all those of you even slightly interested in history and its many shades, to go and pick up a copy of the 'Daughter of the East!'

Am back in Bskul after a good few days at home. I am already not liking it :(

Buy buy and take care! My hands are so cold!! brrrrr

and oh yes, btw, Have a great 2008 !:)

Welcome back all ye lovers of the blog!

So, I write.
*Thunderous applause everywhere in blogdom*

*takes a bow acknowledging the thunderous mirrior shattering applause *

Finally I do. After many concerned emails/scraps from some of you I finally write.
First and foremost I am alive.
And the second equally important thing is that the second trimester is now over.I have had a multitude of experiences in the past 3 months, some of which in their own quiet way have changed bits of me forever.

1. I still cry when too tense.Somethings never change , I guess.

1.5I am still crazy about pink.Somethings never change , I guess. :P

2.I have started depending too heavily on people. May be I should change that.

3.Am not going to France. Dunt even ask why, it is sucha long story that I will go crazy telling it here!!!

5. Sometimes it is simply blissful to just look at people.Some people that is.:)

6.Some people make you luk at things from a totally different perspective. It so different that it shocks you in a nice way.I am glad to have met some people of that kind there.

7.Mum needs to get used to me coming back from college.Only then will she stop burtsing into tears on seeing me.
This time around when she saw me climb down from the coach , her eyes flooded with tears. and it was while she was wiping off tears of [hopefully] joy that she informed me that she thought I had put on oddles of weight [ which I have not, btw ! huh! ] and that my dress sense was horrible and that hopefully I do not go to college dressed the same way.
:

too tired , too worked up .no creative juices flowing.
Just wanted t let u guys know that I have not forgotten u all!

:P
rock on!

At times things here do not make a lot of sense..
It gets bugging to talk to everyone...just needa few minutes to myslef which also I cannot get simply coz ppl are too fake to not pretend to bother..
blah man!
waiting eagerly to go home...
Freaked out mann..just need to be alone for a few minutes and not give explanataions to a hundred and ten people about why I am not my chirpy self.
blah!!
BLAAHHH!

Aaah..am back in my city, one trimester over! One whole trimester over. Here are some of the highlights:

1. There was a point in time when I was so bugged up with life in a b skul, in particular my own that amidst another of those calls to when I cry and mum talks, to calm me, Mum promised to buy me the tickets back home. The deal was that I was to stay in the b skul till Saturday [that day was a Monday] and if even then I wanted to leave, the tickets would be ready.

2. Lets just say I stayed. J

3. Before coming to b skul, I used to sleep for 8 hours a day, after coming here I have managed on 8 hours in 4 days. And I survived!

4. There is this guy I study with, we actually study in a big group but since I stay away from most other guys and spend a lot of time with this one, people like pulling my leg about him and his about me!
So, much so that even I have started pulling his leg about me!!
Hehehe
It is sucha big joke between the two of us! It is my duty and job for the next year and a half to find a nice girl for him.Which hopefully I will.

5. I am very sensitive to the smell of a smoke! Some of the guys are catully scared of coming near me when they have just had a smoke!

6.I was in a pink saree during the second party we had here, it was the reverse freshers and I was supposed to put teeka on the forehead of the seniors.My roomie , however had to do coyote ugly, she was be at the bar.
Ek roomie ne teeka lagaya, doosari ne daaru pilayi
Said another roomie, very philosophically!

7.Finance. I hated it, only 3 days ago I have started liking it…my new found obsession with finance!
Imagine! I think I am in love with finance now .:

8. I think I have done miserably in the term. I studied quite hard and was very consistent and diligent and all of that, but still somehow I managed to screw it all for myself.

9. I did the maths end term so beautifully that I impressed myself no end. I sat cross legged during the exam, got myself a bottle of chilled water and solved one sum after the other, sipping water in between as if it were some great drink.
It was the first time in my life that I did a maths paper so confidently! However, the course, sadly is a non credit one!

10.I am truly and honestly in love with Ecomonics and am really looking forward to the eco course next trimester! I hope we get a good proff!
11.I am 3/4th myself, ¼ of me is the lappy!

12. Last but not the least , lots of good things have happened at B skul to me. Really! I have met ossum people, made some great friends, studied under some of the best proffs I have ever studied with, been busy and have loved it , have slogged and have loved it again.

One of the latest things to have happened is a place 3 hours from Paris. I will be spening one whole trimester in France come this January.
Enough said.
:)