Friday, April 01, 2016

8 months of being a mum


  • Feeding solids is a whole new ball game all together
  • By the time we are done with a bowl of daal, the baby, yours truly, the bed and if we are lucky the walls- are all covered in daal
  • Today for example, when we finished with a banana, there was copious amounts of it in the baby's hair. Do not ask me how.
  • It takes a LOT of time to get banana out of a baby's hair
  • You will find weird things in the baby's hair.
  • And in his diaper. #ouch
  • I have now not slept a full night for 8 months
  • Babies squirm more than they sleep
  • You are more awake than asleep any given night. 
  • You will learn the art of selective hearing #sayNoToTikoni
  • Nails grow really fast. Like really fast.
  • Babies love to scratch faces.
  • Babies love to pull on ear rings
  • Do not wear hoops if you have a baby
  • Do not wear studs if you have a baby
  • Babies have this heart meltingly cute toothless smile
  • As your baby grows your back will begin to hurt more and more
  • nothing beats a hug from your own child
  • You will learn to sing even if you never used to sing pre-baby
  • Was there a 'pre-baby' time? what exactly did you do with your time then? And DO I RECALL YOU SAYING THAT YOU WERE $%^$%^$$#$%# BUSY THEN? BUSY? THEN! YOU IDIOT!
  • You will realise that pre-baby you were just a grown up baby
  • i have in the last 8 months watched 2 episodes of something on the telly and one cricket match
  • Gloat alert- i have in the last 8 months released a book and written half of my next 
  • Giving birth and taking care of a baby gives you a certain kind of confidence you never had before
  • you want the world to be a better place
  • You want the world to be a happier place
  • you have little time for negative people
  • You have little time for anyone else apart from your baby
  • Babies blabber 
  • If the baby has just blabbbered 'hanuman' he is not a hanuman bhakt. no he does not know 'Hanuman jee'. No God is not telling you anything. No, he does NOT KNOW HANUMAN JEE
  • In indian malls random girls will squeal when they look at a baby. Always.
  • And pinch the baby's cheeks
  • And take selfies.
  • And get a tad upset if the image is blurry because baby was not still
  • Baby will move around in the mall patting random strangers on their hands.
  • Babies are great conversation starters
  • Mums bond instantly because they are  mums
  • Sisterhood of motherhood. #fact
  • People will ask you how your HOLIDAY is coming along.
  • @#$@#$@#%#$$^%&%^&^HU^&H*&%$#@#$%@$^#$%
  • Hit them.
  • Or better - give them the baby for one day and one night.
  • Taking take of someone else's baby is the best contraception. #haha
  • You will realise how wrong it is for random aunties to ask why that girl who has been married for 3 years has not yet reproduced. Not your %^$^$%^$ business.
  • You realise you begin to swear a lot 
  • Silently.
  • Your parents will love your baby more than they love you. Fact. Deal with it.
  • Seeing your parents with your baby will melt your heart. Like all the time. #PerpetualHeartMelt
  • you finally begin to appreciate what your folks did for you
  • You really really hope you were an easy baby
  • No one deserves a stroppy child or a fractious baby. 
  • No one.
  • If you have a boy you realise that you will be someone's saasu ma one day. #scary
  • Your baby, no matter how small will become your best friend.
  • You will make a song about baby;s potty. Okay you may not, i did. but then i am a bit bonkers that way
  • Often the lullabies you are singing will make you doze off but baby will remain wide awake
  • The first time baby rolls over and pats you on your shoulder to wake you up will make you tear up. #MeraBetaSayanaHoGayaHai
  • The things that make a baby laugh.
  • Nothing beats cuddling up next to your baby for a snooze. 
  • The snooze will last about 2 mili seconds.
  • You will talk a lot to your baby
  • Just when you know it that they are understanding everything he will begin to giggle at something tragic.
  • You will stand at the airport, baby in sling, singing to baby and swinging from right to left.
  • The utter feeling of unbriddled joy when someone asks you ki ye baby kiska hai.#muhahahaha
  • Babies are hilarious
  • Sometimes you cannot stand them and cannot bear to be away from them. At the same time. #insane
  • A lot of things about motherhood are insane. #Fact
  • Pregnancy weight falls off. It does.
  • The joy when pre pregnancy clothes begin to fit again.
  • you wonder how it would feel like to sleep through the night. #fantasy.
  • You wish you were a man and could have a baby without having to go through nine months of hell.  
  • Good thing you are not a man, else you would have had about 10 more ;)
More soon ;)
Not babies. Posts. Silly.

Love
R

No comments: