Saturday, August 01, 2015

The Positives of being Pregnant

A friend, a new mum, told me once that the best thing about her pregnancy was that it was now over and that she had her baby in her arms. And i will have to completely agree. If i were to be honest, pregnancy is hard work, it is more difficult than you would imagine. And no, just because everyone around you has been pregnant, it does not mean that it is easy! Women don't do it because it is easy, they do it in spite of how tough it can be! It is very taxing on the mum's body and no one apart from you, the pregnant mum-to-be, will truly get what you are going through. Let me doff my hat right now to women who do this more than once- well done to them!

Some people do have a very easy pregnancy and for your sake, i really hope you will be one of them. I personally did not really fall in love with being pregnant but this post is not about that. It is , instead about what can be good during the tough 40 weeks. There is very little material about the good in being pregnant and i want to write about the positive and fun stuff. Here are few of the things i liked:

1) You get more attention than you have probably ever gotten before. Friends, family, husband- they will all be extra nice to you!

2) The pregnancy glow- some get it and some don't, but those who do, you will look so much better than you did before getting pregnant in which case, just take a LOT of pictures ;). No matter how miserable i actually felt, the glow was absolutely unmistakable and at times very misleading. I remember an appointment with my GP who listened to all my complaints about how miserable i had been feeling, paused, thought and then said ' but, you are glowing!'

3) The baby kicks- difficult to describe the feeling- you have to experience it to know it and at some stage in your pregnancy the baby will indeed become so big that the kicks will begin to hurt and you will transition from 'awww' to 'O.U.C.H' very quickly. They, will however remain incredibly special and will somehow become your way of communicating with the baby.

4) In a place like london where people keep to themselves, random people will come and talk to you, ask after the baby and just be really, really nice. I had people stop their cars to let me cross the road, let me go ahead in queue, at one point a restaurant actually got me food in the waiting area because i was pregnant. Also, once, as i waddled along the road, a man slowed down his car, rolled down his windows and shouted a 'congratulations for the babbyyyy'.  This delivery guy once sat down and spoke to my bump for a good 5 minutes while i stared disbelieving.

On the flip side, I also once had a little girl throw a massive (and loud!) tantrum in the bus because she wanted to see my bump and i refused to pull up my dress to show it to her. ;/

5) You are welcomed into the world's biggest club that you never knew existed- the parents club.

6) You will bond with your bump and your baby in your own special way. I don't know if 'super-bonded' is a word or no, but that is exactly how i was with my bump. I was confident that he listened to me, he did things i asked him to do and stopped doing things when i wanted him to stop. I was also oddly very very very very confident that my baby would never let anything really bad happen to me and that was the main reason why i was so relaxed before  (and about) the birth. And it worked- i had an easy birth that was actually the best experience of my life! During my labour and delivery i experienced more kindness from strangers than i have ever before in my life. There are atleast 3 different people, all strangers i will probably never meet again, of whom i cannot think of without tearing up with gratitude.

7) There is something really special about sharing the baby's kicks with the husband, the parents and close friends. I will never forget the expression on a friend's face when she felt my baby kick. It was the first time she had touched a pregnant belly and of course the first time felt a foetus kick. The shock, surprise and excitement on her face was absolutely precious.

8) A LOT of people will tell you how beautiful you are looking.  :) I am not a fan of the pregnant body, but if you are lucky with the hormones, be ready to oddly, inspite of putting x kilos, feeling truly beautiful!

9) At some point in time you will plead with your husband to help you with the nail paint on your toes not really expecting him to. But he will sit patiently and do your nails.

10) You will have to just ask and the husband will lather cream on your legs simply because you are too huge to do it on your own

11) At some point in time, your husband will , without being asked, bend down and put your shoes on for you and then tie the laces.
And from then onwards, you will begin to wait at the shoe rack for the husband to come and put on your shoes for you.

12) You will be secretly very very very pleased at how huge your bump will become towards the end of your pregnancy. Pleased and proud. I know silly and difficult to imagine, but it will happen to you.

13) You will find yourself talking to your baby very often. And they will be delightful conversations.

14) Tantrums are acceptable. I remember i was once crying for no reason and Sid was being indulgent. Then i started crying harder because i was getting tired of crying and then i started crying even harder because i wanted to keep crying but i knew i would soon get too tired to cry. Sid had the wisdom to turn around and laugh else i would have hit him.

15) People will help. Towards the beginning of y 3rd trimester, my husband had to go away for 10 nights and i knew that for once, i could not, just could not be alone. My mum had broken her hand and could not come so i turned to friends. And boy, did they help! They came with packed suitcases and (bless them) even little gifts and made sure i did not have to stay alone a single night. Similarly, because i had been feeling so rubbish, I did not want to take on the burden of throwing a baby shower. Friends jumped in. One got Sid to convince me to just say yes to the event, she said she will take care of EVERYTHING else. Her Mum (bless her) even made 2 different types of snacks for the shower. Another friend completely took over the food, another drinks, another cooked more stuff, another two took over the decoration...they showered me with so much of love and affection that i know i will forever be indebted to them all! Not only that, friends who are like family for us expats, will call/ message/ drop in to ask after you. Infact closer to my due atleast 3 of my friends had at one point or the other ( I was 4 days over due) put me on an HOURLY watch! Spread across the world, they were in touch each day towards the end and given how difficult pregnancy can get at that point in time, it really meant so much!

16) Pregnancy will bring you closer to some people (and possibly take you away from some people too)- I finally understood what my Mum (and mother in law) had gone through to bring me (and my husband) into the world and it made to look up at them with greater respect. My sil, who is a doctor, was in continuos contact from the beginning to the end, each day asking after me. It was nice and sweet and incredibly special to have these three women as support even if they were in a country hundreds of miles away.

17) Closer to your due date, every one in the house will drop everything and rush to your side even if you as much as groan. You might find yourself faking a groan just to see their reaction.

18) Closer to your due date, you will be inundated with messages from all and sundry with the same question- 'kutch hua?' and you will go mad telling everybody ki kutch nahi hua! Enjoy that attention too, its really the last time in a very long time that you will get that much attention for once the baby comes, it is all about him/ her and rightly so!

19)And when labour starts, it is actually fun to finally be able to send the 'Its happening!' message.

20) And last, though you will not, you cannot, feel the sort of love you will feel for your baby once he/she is in your arms, you will still be hit with waves of love for the heaving, squirming bump that are more powerful than anything you have experienced yet. And then the baby actually arrives. And you understand, for the first time ever in your life, what love truly is.

While i cannot tell you that pregnancy is easy, that would be a lie, and i am very very glad mine is behind me, I can tell you without any doubt that  in the end, it will all be worth it.

It WILL all be worth it!



Nisha said...

Congratulations!! May God bless the baby :)

Shailja Shukla said...

Huge Congratulations dear :) So that pic on Fb was your real baby <3 I am so happy for you and its so nice to know about all the feelings of motherhood. Thanks for sharing such a sensitive and hard moment.

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