I will miss it all…..
By the time I get married I would have been engaged for almost 10 months, that’s like almost an year. So for the longest time ever I have been getting ready for the wedding. There is tonnes of shopping to do, dresses to get stitched, other stuff to look at, a job to go to each day, GMAT to study for give, Toefl to study for and give, Phd application to write, transcripts, recos, essays…..
So obviously more often than not I feel like I have too much on my plate managing everything. But I love it!!. I love the fact that on some days I am so tired that I cannot move a finger. I love the fact that my week ends are busier than week days! I love the fact that there is always so much to do!
Okay, it helps that when I leave home at 9 and come back at 9 Mum opens the door with the nicest, broadest smile that somehow makes all the exhaustion fly away. It really helps when I get up on Monday morning, even before I can open my eyes properly I somehow make my way to wherever Ma is and make her sit down and sit in her lap and pseudo sleep for some 10 minutes before she succeeds in pushing me away. It helps that Dad offers to drive and pick me up from office each day, just like he did when I was in school and in engg college. It helps that when I am really frustrated and uselessly pick up fights with Sid, he has the patience to make it all ok. It helps that I have some really great friends in office with whom I monkey around the whole day!!
I will miss all of this…..I will miss being the bride to be! I have been the bride-to-be for such a long time that it has almost grown on me! Where ever I go some one or the other teases me or pulls my leg about the wedding. Everyone has so many questions to ask. I used to get irritated- I have always been happy to be in the background and I hated it when all the attention was suddenly perpetually directed at me! But now I think when I am married and all this has quietened down, I shall miss it!!
I hate shopping. I just hate it now. Wedding shopping is vicious. It is wicked. I just does not end. It is like this mutant virus that refuses to be tamed. I hate it. The dislike is mutual. It hates me too. It hates me real bad now. It just does not end. Not even after months and months of it- it does not end.
I hate it but I know I will miss it when it ends. I will miss the wedding shopping. Damn it!
I will miss Ma’s constant threats about how like an ugly duckling I am bound to look at my wedding if I do not finish that particular half a glass of milk in the next five minutes!
I will miss the urgency that envelopes my home right now. There are so many things that need to be done, the so many details to be looked into. The so many little things one must not forget.
In fact once I am with Sid post the wedding there are so many things about Sid and me that I will miss. I will miss talking to him on the phone right before I sleep at night. I will miss staying up late just to speak to him after he finishes office. I will miss looking at the watch and immediately subconsciously deducting 4.5 hours from it. I will miss looking at the watch that says 12:30 and saying to myself, ‘ oh! Its just 8. I will miss waiting for his call. I will miss waiting for him to come to India. I will miss his voice on the phone. I will miss the 2 minute ISD ‘hi’ and’bye’ conversations. I will miss the hour long conversations.
I will miss doing all the nautanki I do with him that can only be done on phone. I will miss sending him good morning messages. I will miss sending him good night messages. I will miss making album of insignificant events in my life and mailing them to him. I will miss working with him on google spread sheets. I will miss sending him mails. Big ones. Small ones. Stupid ones. Angry ones. Mails that just say ‘I love you’.
I will miss this bitter sweet anxiety I feel constantly as the wedding date draws near. Life is about to change forever. And in a big way. And in a nice way. And in a happy way.
In the end I have just one little thing to say. I think if you can love someone with all your heart and more, you are more blessed than you think you are. :)
P.S. There is a letter from Sid to all you bloggers. He posted it as a comment on a post on him ½ days back. I am putting it here for all the regular bloggers here :)
This is 'Sid' here... many thanks for all the kind words and these are much appreciated. Everything the missus has written in her post is true (ahem, ahem)... We are hopelessly in love and are about to tie the knot soon :D
More to follow.