A little bird

There is a bird. 

A little bird. 

She lives in a cage. 

The door of the cage is open.

The bird is trapped. 

Trapped in a cage with an open door.

The bird has lived in the skies before, so she knows that there are other possibilities.  Some may be worse than this but others , some others, must be better?

The door of the cage is open.

But she cannot leave.

She wonders why?

Because she lacks the courage, she knows. 

But will she ever find it?

She does not know. 

What should she do?

She does not know. 

Maybe she will continue to do what she does, smile in front of others. 

Maybe the bird needs a bit of help.

Maybe she needs someone who will help. 

Maybe there is no 'someone'.

Maybe this the life she was meant to live. 

What do I wish for the bird?

Two things.

Strength and grace. 

 

There is a bird.

A little bird.

She lives in a cage.

The door of the cage is open. 

There is a bird.

A little bird. 

Grateful today for:

1. A very busy day at work. I actually infinitely prefer crazy busy days to quieter days.

2. A walk with a friend. Thames, the park and the deer.  Also it's lovely when the conversation just flows.

3. Bought a red dress. A red jacket dress ( while doing the 4 times table with the older one at 7 in the morning). I have no idea where I will wear it but its coming to me now.  

4. Waking up to both boys cuddled into me. Everyone is holding someone's hands, though you cant be sure whose hand it is and the legs are intertwined and everyone is at so much peace. The the little one woke up and sat on his sleeping older brother. And then he stood up on his older brother. And then he started jumping on his older brother.  Peace over. 

5. Being reminded that sometimes it can get very hopeless and then, miraculously, you can be full of hope. It is important to stay calm no matter what. 

6. Being reminded that sometimes you may think you want something desperately but when it comes your way you know it is not meant for you and  you surprise yourself by walking away. It is therefore important to know that everything, even your own desires, are transient. 

A year of no posts!

A friend said to me that i no longer post on the blog. So this post is more for her than anything else. 

Blanket apologies to the 200 odd silent readers who still visit this blog every day even after a year of zero posts . Hello! and Sorry! 

I had my covid jab today, and everything hurts at the moment. The head, the eyes, the arms. I barely got out except to walk to the post office. A lot of pending post including 2 cards made by my son, one each for the two grandfathers, a book (my book), a little welcome to the world baby gift hamper, a card. Feels oddly satisfactory to send out stuff. 

Anyway, because everything hurts and I am feeling very sorry for myself at the moment, curled up in a dark room  so apologies for spelling mistakes , sentence construction etc coming your way. I am probably not going to feel like proof reading this once i have written it. 

Cheat post- just picked up some questions for a blog and answering them.

When did you cry last? 20 minutes ago. Long lost families. God, why do I do this to myself?  I need to see someone crying for the tears to magically appear so no big deal I guess. Many years ago, I saw a movie called ‘Dunston Checks in’. Something about a monkey in a hotel or something, anyway, point is that I cried when the monkey was made to leave in the end. So. Well.

Favourite food to eat: Ma Po Tofu. And peanuts. Not together though. Not that I have tried it. Maybe I should – one life to live and all that.  

Music: These days nothing, though I did find myself listening to 500 miles the other day. There is too much going on and too much noise in my head.  While I am at it, aren’t the Proclaimers totally legendary. They look like engineers hussling their way in, and you think it is going to go all horribly wrong but it ends up being the most amazing thing ever and you cant stop smiling. 

Proud of: Recently finished my 5^th book. It’s taken me 3 years to write this one- more on that some other day if I can bring myself to write another post soon-ish. Next book will most definitely be a comedy. Enough serious stuff.

The hardest thing you have ever done: The two pregnancies. Specially the second one.

Did you move today? Does performing to baby shark in front of an audience of two little boys count?

What made you smile today? Older one told me that my smile was ‘only the most incredible thing in the world’. You are crying.

He also told me that I look little.

I beamed.

He corrected himself after thinking for a moment. No, you are old but you are little in size. Maybe you will grow more.

I am crying. 

Are you a hugger? Hugger. Smotherer with chicken kisses. Sayer of I love yous on loop. Hand holder.

Weirdest place you have danced at? In the tube. Long story. Actually that’s a lie. Was saying bye to a friend. The Doors closed. She waved frantically. I waved frantically like our lives depended on it. She started to pretend run after the train. I did a little jig for her.

I got glares. And some smiles.

No, I was not drunk.

Something new you are learning: Trying to learn how to play Shape of you. However that’s not going too well. Once the restrictions are lifted, I think I am going to start learning kick boxing. Be very scare d of me. I may be little, but i am very firce. Or will be once i have learnt kick boxing. 

How often do you drink: have never had a drop of alcohol.

Loud music or quiet conversation: Quiet conversation.

What’s the most beautiful place you have ever seen?  The sky in Masai Mara.

The first place you will visit after covid? India. Have not been back home for 3 years ( high risk pregnancy, new baby and then covid) and I am so homesick now that I think I need some paracetamol to deal with the heart ache * dramatic look*. (On that note a team member was about to get his vaccine. I told him to keep some PCM ready. He called me immediately because he thought PCM was short for ‘please call me’. I had tears in my eyes from the laughing.)

Quick weird thing about you: Unless one of the babies is sleeping with me, I cannot sleep unless I have a book in my hand, usually clasped to my chest. In my defence this comes from a long habit of reading myself to sleep.

How your manager describes you: LOL.  No, that’s not how my manager describes me, that’s me Lol-ing at the question. Anyway.

‘As delicate as a rose petal.

As hard as nails.’

Verbatim from a manager.

Dreams: Usually have extremely complicated, thriller type dreams. There is a best selling thriller that can come from them somewhere.

Favourite book: Alice in Wonderland. Such a cleverly written book, of my goodness.

Covid pride: biceps. Be very scared of me.

First love: Aah. Maybe another time. Or never.

 Thank you for reading. Everything still hurts in case you are interested, so i think I will go back to Netflix and to feeling sorry for myself. 

Keep PCM ready when you get your vaccine. 

PCM= Paracetamol. 

R